Relationships are like brussel spouts...they're good for you, but
sometimes they stink. I’ve been in relationships for the last 30 years of my life, and married for 14 of those 30 years, and
I’ve been dumb enough to make a gazillion mistakes but I've also been smart enough to at least
try to learn from them. I’ve had some of the same best friends since I was
fourteen years old and we’ve gotten into some massive arguments. And
anyone who has a sibling (or in my case, four siblings) knows that being
in relationship with people you’re connected through by blood can get a little
messy sometimes.
Since we weren’t designed to be hermits or live in isolation, we must
figure out what it means to be in relationship with those in our
community. Not just your next door neighbor, but your class mate,
coworker, spouse, and sibling. If we’re honest with ourselves, it’s
hard. It’s hard to continuously invest in relationships that may or may
not bring pain, joy, tension, or acceptance, or all of it. But we move forward, we pursue community. We have to. Yes, there is an emotional risk when we enter into community. But with every risk, there is a reward. Every work of art caused some level of commitment to complete. Every
book written required some level of pain. Every plate of brussel
sprouts worth eating required some time to make delicious. I haven't quite figured that one out yet, but I'm sure I'll still have some time. Great relationships are usually born from great sacrifice, not the result of selfishness.
Last week, I was honored to be able to speak to a group at their
Beautiful Mess series on relationships, sex, and marriage. Though the
barometer for sacrificial relationships I used was marriage, I truly
believe the topic bridges the gap between expectations and behaviors in
all forms of relationship and community. I debated posting the message here because honestly, I don’t know how
to manage expectations in relationships AT ALL. And me talking about
marriage is like Barbara Walters talking about being black… it just
doesn’t work, man. But here we are in our beautiful mess (whatever that mess may look like in your world) and if you're committed, we all share one thing in common...WE AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE!
Just a little encouragement for those who can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, or for those who believe that light just might be an oncoming train. There are things I've learned about myself in my beautiful mess, and the most important thing is that my mess, is quite beautiful. For all I've been through, I wouldn't trade places and I'm extremely thankful for the process. It gets better, and if you stick with me, I'll continue to tell you how...
I guess this phrase very accurately describes how relationships are or become after a certain point of time be it married or committed. Hence the need for a counselor is certainly felt at such stages.
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