The Lesson Of Marrying Too Soon

It’s a realization some couples come to after they’ve been married a while. It’s painful to even acknowledge this. At least for me, it was one of the most difficult lessons I had to learn after divorcing my first wife and marrying again. How divorcees arrive at this point varies: perhaps the honeymoon stage wore off quicker than either of us expected. It could be that there are conversations that should’ve been had before the we said “I do”, but we didn’t realize it until after. Maybe I “woke up” one day to realize that I don’t know my spouse at all. Whatever the case, couples are left with three options when facing this realization. I can admit that I experienced all of these realizations and more. As much as I believe in marriage, I also believe in the very real divorce rate. If you're in this situationship like I was, you can either:

• A)  Ignore it, and continue on as if this knowledge never surfaced,
• B)  Analyze why they came to this realization and work through it, or
• C)  take the knowledge and rectify the mistake by ending the marriage.

Ignore

Ignoring the fact that you moved too fast is a way for many other issues to fester. The marriage will not grow because neither of you are willing to look at what could possibly rock the foundations of the marriage. The two won’t know how to deal with each others quirks that may not have been evident before. There will be no intimacy within the union, and without that key ingredient, the 800 pound gorilla will continue to be in the room. The spouses can hope that nothing else will upset their marriage, but the reality is, if you don’t deal with the “we rushed” fact, ANYTHING will be a challenge for you. The best course of action is to analyze what made you realize that you did in fact, rush.

Analyze

This is tough. Both spouses have to be open, honest, and transparent when discussing why they feel like they moved too fast. If either person is not going to do the required “soul-baring” that is needed for this to work, then the marriage will likely be headed for a split anyway. But if they both are committed to the marriage, regardless of how it started, then this option can be the binding that strengthens the bond. Each has to be willing to listen to the other, and not be quick to judge how the other feels. Nor can they dismiss the others thoughts. Increasing their devotion to each other is goal. Perhaps they’ll need marital counseling to work through the feelings, but the goal is to stay married. Both spouses made a vow before God to stay, through thick and thin. That vow doesn’t change just because two people married too fast. If they think it does, then they’ve reached…

The End

This is where I eventually landed in my process. It was real, and I was tired of holding water in my cupped hands while trying not to have any of it spill out. Some couples just don’t see the point in continuing a marriage where one, or both of them feel like the fact that they got together too fast can be overcome. They’re both willing to, in a sense, cut their losses and go. The split can be affable, or acrimonious, but it will happen regardless, especially if no children are involved. If kids are, then the situation can get…interesting. Nevertheless, the spouses made a decision to end their union. They’ll both take it as a learning experience, and ideally, won’t make the same choices again.

Have you ever felt like you got married to fast?  Which option did you and your spouse choose?  Have things gotten better, stayed the same, or gotten worse?  If you did end up divorcing, what would you tell others who got married too fast?

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