I received an email
from a reader who wanted to remain anonymous. She felt the need to
address a few things that I wrote about, so who am I to turn away the
opportunity for a reader to give her view on the situationship she finds
herself in. For the record, a "situationship" involves two
people, but is defined as a one sided relationship. Usually
under-defined by the one who loves less and over-defined by the other
who loves more. A series of confusing, sex having, feeling catching
events that lead up to almost certain disappointment...
Last week I got a phone call from someone I used to kick it with. We
had not spoken for quite some time, ever since I decided we needed some
boundaries. I will call him "Sam" for the purposes of this post. I
can’t really say he was my boyfriend and he was more than just a booty call,
but it was all rather perplexing to be honest. Whenever someone asked us, we
always referred to it as "our situation". That came about one night
when we were watching the Chelsea Handler show and her interview with T.I., when Chelsea asked T.I. about his
relationship with Tiny (his girlfriend) he referred to it as a "significant situation". No matter how much she pushed it, T.I. just stuck with calling her a "situation".
Hmm, this thing was starting to sound a bit familiar to me. I never
pushed "Sam" to clearly define our relationship because I was too afraid
it would feel like an ultimatum. While I didn’t love what we had, I did
love him and I wanted to keep him. So I willingly became the "SITUATIONSHIP" I heard you once talk about, hoping that one day it would convert to a relationship.
Fast forward a couple of years and nothing had changed. It finally
clicked that "Sam" had no intention of doing anything other than keeping our
connection as a convenient situation. One day I got the nerve to just
put it all on the table. I asked him flat out, what did he want. This is the cliff
notes version of what he said he wanted:
- No Commitment
- No Obligations
- No Responsibilities
- No Accountability
REALLY??!! That was the final straw, I discovered that I was what you described as a ZERO CALORIE SUBSTITUTE. "Sam" was just biding his time to get what he needed until what he wanted
came along. Just the thought of it all chiseled away at my sizable self
confidence, and for a short time I even doubted my own value. I put my
brain through a pea shooter with the ‘why not me?’ kind of questions. It
was pure torture in the beginning, but I can say it was one of
the most painful and best lessons of my life. I’m thinking I’m a bit
wiser for it all too.
So back to the phone call. "Sam" wanted to have lunch, but I declined. I decided to take you up on your challenge to Rethink My Position, but I’m
still not quite ready to see him face to face. I’m not sure that I’m strong
enough not to sling shot back into his arms. What I believe I know is that I
have no intention of being in another situationship as long as I live. I
think I’m worth all the security of a relationship and I’m willing to
wait, and that’s the TRUTH! Thanks for your blog and your help Mr. Randle, and stay peachy!
I've
been in situationships before, and I am a leading advocate for the
death of all situationships worldwide! If you wish to be considered as a
guest writer, feel free to email me at myrelationshiplessons@gmail.com.
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