When The Ex Is NOT The Ex...

It’s really confusing when you’re trying to establish something with someone who hasn’t quite moved past their last relationship. At times, they haven’t even broken up with the person they’re dating. They just begin another situationship with you hoping for some type of lateral move in the future. This is confusing and whether this may be a person that they have been in a relationship with or even a marriage they are on the way to divorce court, there are signs they aren’t really out of that situation. There’s good news, I’ve compiled a quick list of the signs that they haven’t broke it off with their past. Watch out for these signs and others to keep you in the clear.

1. Refusing to date someone else seriously – People will take dates. We’ve all done it before. We take a date and go out to see if we’re feeling it, but we can’t commit to trusting the process and moving on. If the person you’re dating absolutely abhors the idea of seeing someone else seriously, they’ve probably got someone waiting in the wings.
2. Continuing to have sex – Dead giveaway. You know that friend very well; the one who keeps sleeping with her “ex.” That’s not her ex, that’s her man. They make up silly excuses like it’s just sex, but in reality what they really mean is that they haven’t broken up that’s just the rumor they’re sprinkling.
3. Still telling stories about them – The thing about the person you’re dating is that almost all of your stories will revolve around them. While someone may tell you they are no longer dating their significant other if their stories still include them, they’re lying. We all understand you’ve spent some time with the person but let it go.
4. Haven’t admitted why it went wrong – Another sign that it’s not over is when the person can’t articulate why it went wrong and what part both parties played in the disaster. They’ll keep making up loosely connected stories in hopes that you’ll just drop it and move on. A real break up doesn’t really occur until you’ve reached a conclusion and learned to deal with that.
5. Still communicating regularly – Sigh… If she’s still taking his calls every day, or he’s still making it a point to text her “good morning” and “good night” it’s not over. They might be on some type of “break” but it’s surely not over when they talk regularly. I will say that it’s okay to talk every now and then once you’ve become friends but there is no reason to talk to your “ex” everyday if you all are no longer dating.

Let me pre-emptively say, these could all be signs of a person who is actually single and over the relationship, but mature enough to handle this arrangement. What I’m telling you is that it’s a sure tell sign that they’re probably still in the relationship. I’m not a big supporter of ultimatums but you may have to ask the person you’re considering dating to check the boxes on all these signs before you consider seriously dating. If not, don’t be surprised if you end up being a fling and they go back to who they were with before you came along...

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