Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, we were
newlyweds. Watching television in the evening meant snuggling together,
spoon style on the couch. We were the couple every other couple envied. We held hands. We went on dates. We hurried home to see one another. I told her that she was beautiful,
and I happily did the laundry without any complaints from her about the amount
that landed outside the hamper instead of inside the hamper.
Cooking dinner was a treat, a way to show how much I loved her. When
I shopped for her birthday, it was a daylong event, describing her to
saleswomen so she could get the perfect item, the perfect size and surprise her
with a beautiful new outfit I knew she would love.
There was a time when wearing my t-shirt meant she
was sleeping in it, not leaving the house in it. Years
have gone by, life has changed, a son has arrived, and time has become more
rushed. Making dinner nowadays has become a nightly
chore, something that must be done, and something that someone will have a
complaint about. Laundry has become a never ending task, the
laundry hamper is never empty, and chances are clothes are beside it because
they fell off the mound on top.
Watching television means sitting in separate
chairs. Hand holding happens every once in a while, which are far less
often than they used to be but inevitably the son we both have will say “Ew,
stop that!” Rushing home now means someone needs to be
there to get our son home, or so that the other parent can leave. Kisses are asked for, and hurried. Romance is now at the bottom of the
priority list. Once upon a time we were newlyweds. We
aren’t married anymore, but that doesn’t stop us from being parents so we’re
still partners in a sense. Now we are that couple who has been in each others
lives forever, and those newlywed days are a distant memory.
If I’m lying on the couch with anyone, there’s a
pretty good chance it’s with the son we’ve raised. This isn’t to say that
love disappears over time, but it is to say that it definitely changes. I also
happen to believe that a successful and happy relationship requires much, much
more than just love. Love will get you started, but it’s not enough fuel to make
it through the long haul. Relationships require something much different
because the day to day grind, the “real life” stuff can suffocate that love you
have for one another if you don’t watch it.
We used to be newlyweds. Now
we’re the older couple, better friends, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
Sure, we sit in different chairs when we watch TV, and date
nights might be infrequent, but they are every bit as cherished. She knows when I’m having a bad day even when I haven’t said a word, and
the same can be said about me knowing her bad days. Shopping for each
other isn’t a full day adventure anymore, and that’s because we know each other
so well we don’t have to spend an entire day at the mall. I know instantly if
something is what she would like or not. I still enjoy surprising her, but it
doesn’t take nearly as much effort as it used to. I know
all these little quirks and pet peeves as well as I know my own, probably even better
than my own. We used to be newlyweds, but I’m so glad we
are now that old not a couple, couple…
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