Was your marriage a fantasy or a reality? Every
marriage is a fantasy before the reality kicks in. Whatever fantasy
you had is what enabled you to get married in the first place. You
thought that your husband or wife was the right person for you. You
thought you were the marrying kind of person your spouse wanted you to be.
You actually thought maybe you wanted the life that each other painted,
whatever it might've been. Your ex treated you a certain way during
the fantasy period, and that enabled you to fall in love and enabled you
to create this fantasy called “marriage” or at least the fantasy
called “your marriage”. The reality is that you guys ended up
hating each other after a while, really disliking each other, becoming
really angry with each other, constantly bickering, fighting, all of
that.That’s the reality. So, the question is: are all marriages based on fantasy?
Well,
the answer is kind of. There are many marriages based on reality.
There are great marriages out there. And there are people out there who
have wonderful marriages from the beginning all the way to the end, and
they make it work. But, for the rest of us, we’re in this divorce
pool of life. I think a lot of us fell in love with the fantasy, and
then when reality finally came, we didn’t know what to do with it. We
didn’t know how to make the changes necessary as fantasy slowly started
drifting into reality. We didn’t know how to make the relationship work,
because we did not have the capability to make that relationship work
based on our past experiences in all of our past relationships. Our
past relationships will always form who we are today, and if we’re able
to process our past relationships, we are then able to move forward and
have great relationships. Each one better and more positive than the
one before. The problem is that most of us don’t spend enough time
actually processing our past relationships. We tend to sweep all of our
issues under the rug. We tend to get involved in another relationship
too quickly because we’re in the “replacement theory” of relationships. We fall in love with a new fantasy of
what we think this new person is and what they’re all about. The
problem with that is that we think we’re moving forward, but we never
really move forward because we haven’t fully learned from our past
mistakes. The same problem will come up in each relationship, and if
these same types of relationships continue through your lifetime, you
get more and more frustrated. You get angrier and angrier, and you get
more and more bitter.
The unfortunate fact for our society is that
most marriages do end in divorce because most marriages were built on a
fantasy from the beginning. I know so many people who got married
because that’s what they were supposed to do, or they always dreamed of
finding that perfect partner and being married. They dreamed of having a
wonderful family. They dreamed about that life, but they picked
wrong. The reason why they picked wrong is because they picked based on
a fantasy they had for themselves and they never listen to the reality
that was in front of them. Every relationship that I’ve ever had that
has fallen apart, it has always shown its warning signs in the first 90
days. I just chose to ignore them because of the fantasy I had built up
in my head. If all of you look back on all your relationships, and
especially the last one that ended in divorce, the warning signs were
probably there in the first 90 days. You chose to ignore them because of
the fantasy you were living, because of your desires, and because your
wants and your needs required the fantasy called love. I’m a firm
believer that love exists, but it’s got to be real love, and it’s got to
be a love that’s based on mutual love for each other. You do for each
other what the other person needs, and you respect one another so that you are
able to grow with one another and be each others best friends. Most
relationships tend to outgrow one another. Most relationships grow
their separate ways. Once the reality hits, the fantasy tends to be over really quickly...
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