The word intention is defined as: A course of action that one intends to follow. An aim that guides action or an objective. In relationships, both men and women have to define their intentions. Today's guest blogger gives her encounter with someone that left her wondering where the relationship was headed based on some clearly, but not so clearly defined intentions. Judge for yourself what Danielle from Aurora, Colorado has to say...
I posed a question to Twitter asking if it was better to
ask a man what his intentions are, or let him know yours when it comes
to spending time with someone new. I was pretty surprised by some of the
responses I received, which I will share later, but first I’ll give you
the back-story so you'll know where all of this came from.
A couple months ago, I went to a happy hour one
Friday. The lounge we were at was pretty chill, good music, great food,
and overall a great space to end the work week. I ended up in a
conversation with some people and met a guy who happened to be friends
with one of my male friends that was there. He and I eventually found
our way into a side conversation and hit it off. We did some dancing,
and some flirting as well. It was nothing serious, but it was definitely
a good time. Before he left, he asked me for my number to keep in touch
and that was that. A couple of days went by and I hadn’t heard from
him, so I figured it was what it was. He was a nice guy, and I enjoyed
our time, but I wasn’t going to sweat him. If he was interested, he would
call.
A couple of weeks ago I went out for some drinks with my friends, and ended up running into dude again. We exchanged pleasantries and later
went our separate ways. It was in the days that followed, that he
started to hit me up. He ended up asking me to a baseball game, and I
agreed to go. We had a great time, talked the entire time, ate and
drank, and no I didn’t have to pay for anything.
After the game, I was thinking that everything was going well, he
seemed interested and appeared not to be on any BS. This could probably work! The only thing I noticed that stuck out to me, both at the game and
in later conversations, was that he had a way of mentioning sex a little
more often than I thought was normal. He wasn’t being a creep about it,
but I just felt like it was coming up way too frequently in this stage
of getting-to-know you. For example, I knew he worked in banking, and
usually works on Saturdays. At the game I asked him what was his idea of
a perfect Saturday when he didn’t have to work. He responds with, “I
wake up, have sex, go back to sleep…” Ok, cool. Sounds like a good
Saturday morning. It caught me off guard, but I’ll roll with it.
Another time, we were talking about hobbies and he mentioned that he
wanted to buy a new PlayStation for his birthday. Ok, a gamer. That’s
fine. He just made sure to inform me that Call of Duty wasn’t better
than drinking or sex.
Now in my head I’m thinking, what is it with this guy? He’s a cool
dude and not a weirdo (I think). I just don’t get why sex comes up in
every conversation. It was because of this, and this only, now I’m
thinking maybe his only or primary intention is to do the casual sex
thing. I wanted to let him know what I was on and what I wasn’t looking
for, but I didn’t want to come off abrasive. I wasn’t really sure how to
bring this up, or even if I should. Thus, my question for the people of
Twitter.
The Women: Most of the women who responded to my question felt like
I shouldn’t have to ask him his intentions. His behavior would let me
know what he was really about. Their consensus was that if he wanted
something more than casual sex, I would know, so wait.
The Men: The men who responded, said that I should
either ask, or let him know what my intentions are. They felt like it
was best to be up front and honest in the beginning, and not get caught
up later. They thought this would alleviate the possibility of being led on or
getting played in the long run. I actually agreed with the guys, as I
usually do. I feel like, why not just tell someone what you’re looking
for in the beginning, and give him or her the option to stick around or
bounce. I think that anything else would be a waste of time. All that
grey area is frustrating and unnecessary. Of course you always risk the
possibility of someone lying, or even saying one thing and doing
another, but that’s life. We all know how that goes.
In case you wanted to know, I didn’t ask dude why he talked about sex
so much (there were other examples that I left out for the sake of word
count), but I did let him know what my intentions were. I told him that
at this point in my 30-plus year-old life, I wasn’t looking for the casual
FWB buddy thing, but something with more substance. He assured me that
he wasn’t looking for anything casual either. So far, his actions
haven’t really given me a reason to feel otherwise. We’ll see how this
plays out.
Hmmm...It seems like his intentions were pretty clear to me, but fellas, would you prefer a woman be upfront about her
intentions in the beginning or wait for you to volunteer where you see
the relationship going or not going? Should men/women state their
intentions in the beginning or let someone show you what they want as
time goes on? What’s the best approach? Leave a comment, and email me your story to relationshiplessons2013@gmail.com.
twitter.com/DelvinRestored
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