Do You Have The Green Light?

Just yesterday, I was on the radio saying how the 35 year old me is so different from the current 48 year old me. I know I'm not the only one who has ever felt this way, but give me a minute to explain. Back when I was a selfish little bastard, I was encouraged to immediately start dating after my separation, and I ran with it like it was the cure to all my ails. I didn't have a yellow light, yet alone the green light to start dating again. Hell, I ran that red light like it was holding me back from getting on the freeway on-ramp of life. After all, I was selfishly thinking if I tolerated a bad relationship that finally ended, why wouldn't it make sense to immediately start looking for something great with someone fantastic? A-hem. Seriously, what could possibly go wrong? Ok, don't answer that...

My friends (the ones I wanted to tell me how right I was) rallied around me and told me "I still had it" and they began introducing me to eligible bachelorettes, whether they were a potential fit or not. I dated a few nice people, but for sure my heart was not in it. I had yet to get my bearings, I had not even begun to heal, and I was certainly more than a little shell-shocked. At the time, even though I didn't know it, a finalized divorce was still more than a year out. My therapist mentioned I needed two years of self-reflection and healing time between significant relationships, and he was kind enough to inform me that the clock didn't actually start ticking until I had a Divorce Decree in my hand. As it turns out, the experts seem to agree.

You might be hearing from friends, well-meaning folks, and even the ones who don't mean you well at all, saying "You need to get out there" but what you're probably feeling is either "I don't think I'm ready" or "I don't even know where or how to start". Since I've lived through all of that when I didn't know any better, I'm a big believer now in the two-year rule. This rule will insulate you from any consequences or repercussions that are sure to follow you. Give yourself some time to get used to your new life, discover things about yourself that you didn't know, and settle into life as you now know it. Then, when you're past the point of licking some serious post-divorce wounds and you've found some inner peace, you might be ready to get out there.

Here are 3 ways to know for sure it's time to start dating again:

1. You've thought about what you want, what you don't want, and you've identified the deal-breakers. You'll probably want to attract a new relationship with someone who has at least a few characteristics that are the opposite of your ex. You may want to find someone with some of the same qualities, I mean, your ex wasn't all bad...right? In addition, you want to identify some deal-breakers. I had a few: all activities had to be completely legal, and she had to be completely single and available. Make a list, and be sure to make the process fun.

2. You're neutral about your ex. You may still have some good feelings of love and fondness, but you're not in love. On the flip side, you've let go of the anger and homicidal feelings you once had. You can think of your ex with no spike in emotions, no pit in your stomach, and maybe even with some thoughts of well wishes.

3. You are actually at least a little excited at the prospect of meeting new people. This is a whole separate post, but if you can think of dating as a big fun adventure where you get to meet fun and exciting new people, you're good to go. So go!

Unfortunately there is a necessary time for healing and transition between the end of your marriage and the beginning of something significant that is also healthy and has long-term potential. The good news is, when you do the work you need to do to make it successfully through that transition time, you're gonna love what and who is on the other side...

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Why We Can't Let Go Of The Past

It’s been a long week and Friday is here. All of us can breathe a sigh of relief because we know that in the morning, Saturday will be here. I didn’t know what I wanted to post on today because at this point I’m tired of talking about what everyone else is talking about. I can say with full conviction, men have had a bad week. Not all of us, but the team as a whole took a few hits. However, today I’m going to talk about something different that hopefully won’t cause any controversy and we can just get along and reminisce.

The thing that keeps us from our future is always when our past is still our present. With that said, I wanted to explore the reasons why we sometimes can’t let go of our past. Keep in mind that I paid someone a helluva lot of money through the years in order to reach this kind of calm, and I only seek to share this with you so that you won’t have to do the same. Here are those reasons…

1. You think about how good it was when it was good and think you’ll never get back there again. – When you think back on your past, you can pinpoint when things were so great that you couldn’t imagine it getting any better. You sit and wonder will you ever get back to that again.
2. You convince yourself that no one will ever know you as well as your past. – When you’ve been with someone for some time, you begin to know them and they know you. They know all the things that make you happy and all the things that make you angry. That mutual understanding is tough to get back.
3. You don’t want to put the effort into building something that took years to build before. – Let’s say you were with your ex for 3-4 years, you sit and tell yourself that you don’t want to wait that amount of time to get back to happiness and that mutual understanding. One thing we have to realize is that it will take time and it won’t come easy.
4. You compare everyone to them. – I know one thing, you can’t compare the present to the past. The present will never match up. Even if that last relationship ended in turmoil, nothing will ever compare until you leave them in the past.
5. You haven’t ditched the memory of the past. – You have to stop thinking about it. You can’t continue to think about the best nap you ever had or that time you all just laughed for hours about a silly inside joke. The memory won’t go away, but if you dwell on it then you’re destined for doom.
6. You forget why you’re not your past. – When we spend time reminiscing about the past, then we forget about the end. We forget how things ended and why you said you’ll never talk to them again. We have ways of blocking out bad things when they happen to us, but we try our best not to block out the reasons why they’re not still in our past.
7. You never stop caring or loving but can’t decipher the difference between “in love” and “love.” – I truly believe that if you really love a person you will never stop loving them. You may not be in love with them, but you’ll still care for them and want the best for them, even if it’s not with you. The key is beginning to understand that you can love someone and not be with them, and that you can be in love with another person and not be in love with your past.

I can say from personal experience that the process of leaving the past behind is not easy. Your past will shape who you are today, and anyone who asks you to forget it is being completely nonsensical. You must do what you can to sunset your past and move to the present. Remember, the present is a gift that doesn’t come often and realize that you can move on past your past to something much better. Lastly, if this is too heavy for a Friday post just remember that tomorrow is a Saturday for you to do whatever errands you need to do, and the day after that is a Sunday where you can go to brunch and forget all about the past; at least for two or three hours... 

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What Men Need To Hear

Most of my articles revolve around what men can do and say to make the woman in their life feel valued and respected. I don’t believe that any man should need a reason or a reward in order to do these things, but one thing is for certain: Open affection and communication in a relationship needs to go both ways. It is not often that you will come across articles or discussions about how men need or want to feel loved. We are “supposed to be” the less emotional of the genders, and many times our desires for affection go overlooked. Regardless of how kind or easy going a man is, if he doesn’t feel loved, respected, and valued in a relationship — he will begin to slowly pull away from you. Here are the five things men need to hear that will give him something he can feel...

“You look handsome.” - A good man should always remind his woman just how beautiful he thinks she is (as well as complimenting her on non-physical traits of course), but it is also a great feeling for a man to be told he is handsome by someone he cares about. Just the word “handsome” holds a different meaning than other compliments and seems to hit us a little differently. It will give us a boost of confidence and keep us smiling for the rest of the day.

“I’m proud of you.” - Men see their self-worth differently than women do. I remember being asked why I am so driven to succeed professionally. “Isn’t being a good man enough?” We strive towards goals and accomplishments whether it be at our job or a business we have chosen to start. Much of our confidence is dependent on how well we do in accomplishing these goals. Having the support of the woman in our life and know that you think we are doing a good job (professionally or personally) is reassuring in ways that many other statements can never be. Knowing that we have the undying support of the woman we love will make us feel like we always have a safety net for when things get rough.

“I can really see the difference!” - Men get down on themselves about their bodies too. We all want to have better abs or a more defined chest. We want to feel like we can protect you, and ourselves. We want to feel strong. We want to feel like men. When we do put in the effort to start eating better and working out, we are hoping it gets noticed. But, not just by anyone — by you. Telling us that you can see an improvement (no matter how small) from our efforts will reinforce us and encourage us to continue along our path. Staying motivated is not easy.

“I won’t get mad if you tell me.” - It is no secret to the women reading this that many men out there are not the best communicators. They may keep things inside for multiple reasons. Maybe they are nervous about how you will react, maybe they are not great with words, or maybe they just never grew up thinking it was okay that they share their feelings. Either way, it will put him at ease knowing that he is able to open up to you, be uncensored, and say what he truly feels without you getting mad or upset. Side note: If you are going to tell him this, please make sure you really do not get mad.

“I trust you.” - With all of the negativity floating around in the world today, it is much easier to keep ourselves guarded and not fully trust somebody. The truth is, though, that if a man does not feel trusted he will constantly feel insecure in the relationship. He will feel that you will be suspicious of everything he does or says, and that you will not fully open up to him about how you feel. If a man knows that you trust him, it will bring a new level of security to the relationship.Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and without trust, true love cannot exist.

Inevitably, any time I write something like this, people will comment and say “well that goes for women too.” Of course it goes for women too. The things listed here should go both ways — but in the culture we live in, it is unfortunately often overlooked that men crave and desire this sort of affection as well. We want to feel wanted, respected, and loved. We communicate directly, so it is important for us to hear these things from the woman in our life if she really does feel them. If you have a good man in your life who strives to do his best for you, make sure he knows he is appreciated…

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Becoming A Man (With a Capital "M")

First thing, let me thank everyone who has supported me on the Facebook page to get Relationship Lessons over the 40,000 like plateau while I took some time off. I still am overwhelmed at how many people in countries around the world are joining the relationship revolution. Thank you for allowing me to take a week off to get some rest and observe some things that I will be writing about as well. Ok, on with the show...  

Cozily seated at a classy uptown restaurant, nestled in the corner of a heated booth, I watched a man and woman trying to cross the street. There was a small break in traffic and the dude takes off like the road runner, alone. He left his girlfriend with a not so impressed look on her face as she stood there waiting for another opportunity to cross. The perfect example of doing it wrong. It’s time to step up and be a man like you’ve never been before, because most of you haven’t been. Stop being an amateur and become a professional in your relationships. Somehow, too much bastardness has replaced chivalry. Guys are reading dumb books talking about being the alpha, or some other nerdy fantasies, and then they go about their lives acting like jerks because they think women will like it. This is the exact opposite of being real, and it’s the wrong way to connect with women. A man can lead without being controlling, and be romantic without becoming a sap. We can be dominant and not domineering, and a man with a capital "M" cares about his partners needs and acts accordingly, always conscious of the situation. So here are a few basic rules to follow in being a man with a capital "M"...

Ladies First - So simple, so easy. Just open the damn door and let her in ahead of you. I’ve seen way too many goofballs lumber in through a door ahead of their girlfriends as if they were escorting cargo.

Lead - Don’t stand there with a stupid look on your face when you’re deciding what to do. "I don’t know, what do you want to do?" is probably one of the worst questions a man could ever ask his partner. You can engage with your partner as equals and still be a leader by being considerate yet decisive.

Practice Honesty - If you make a promise that means you keep it, no exceptions. People will notice if you are not consistent, if you “exaggerate” or don’t follow through with what you said you were going to do. Practice radical honesty and become known for your word.

Ask Her Out - This isn’t just for dating, ask her out when you’re already in a relationship. Even if you’ve been married for 10 years, a date will keep your relationship exciting.

Focus On Your Partner - Don’t yap about yourself all night. Focus on her dreams, her wants, and the conversation will go your way soon enough.

A Compliment - It’s not something that’s crafted to get a reaction, it has to come straight from your heart. Compliment her on occasion, but don’t go overboard. Complements lose their efficacy just like caffeine if you use them too often, or too much.

Kiss With Passion - Your Grandmas peck on the cheeks is not a good standard for the way you should kiss your girlfriend, neither is the porn you watch online. When you kiss, even when it’s quick, really feel it. Grab her hips and pull her tightly against you, feel the kiss and experience the moment. It's better to say it with a kiss than to talk all day about how much you care. Kiss often and everywhere.

Small Things - Send her a text or even a real paper letter randomly. Make it about her and keep it simple, short, and sweet. Maybe surprise her on occasion with something that is a little more well thought out. This doesn’t mean spending money, it means paying attention to the small things which she enjoys.

Touch Her Softly - Learn to be more sensitive physically. Touch her softly at the right times to create special moments. On the back of her neck, her hair, around the small of her back, on her hands. Touch is reassuring and demonstrates a warm personality, it also shows that you care.

Learn Massage - Your hands will be in big demand if you know how to use them. Just like with sex, you will have to pay attention to what works, and practice till you become amazing. Note: Just squeezing her muscles randomly and without attention doesn’t count, learn the craft.

Share Your Mind - Go deep. Tell her about your passions, about how you imagine life, your goals, and include her in the picture.

The Pitfalls To Avoid - Being a gentleman and a romantic doesn’t mean you’re a doormat that jumps when she says jump. Women don’t respect that, nobody does. The opposite end of the spectrum from the bastard with no manners is the guy with no balls, the human doormat. The human doormat doesn’t stand up for himself or set boundaries. He is always avoiding conflict, and in the end he will bore his girlfriend or wife to death. 

Being a man with a capital "M" means you learn when to be firm and when to give in. Sometimes you give, sometimes you receive, but you always command respect and you give respect too. A successful long term relationship demands it...

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The Real Shade of Grey (Hell Yeah or No)

Think about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? There’s a grey area in dating many people get hung up on — a grey area where feelings are ambiguous or one person has stronger feelings than the other. This grey area causes real, tangible issues. As a man, a huge question is often whether to be persistent and continue pursuing a woman even when she seems lukewarm or hot/cold on your advances. For women, a common question is what to do with men who make their feelings ambiguous. 

“She said she’s not interested, but she still flirts with me, so what do I need to do to get her?”
“Well, I know she likes me, but she didn’t call me back last weekend, what should I do?”
“He treats me well when he’s around, but he’s hardly around. What does that mean?”

Most dating advice exists to “solve” this grey area for people. Say this line. Text her this. Call him this many times. Wear that. Much of it gets exceedingly analytical, to the point where some men and women actually spend more time analyzing behaviors than actually, you know, behaving. Frustration with this grey area also drives many people to unnecessary manipulation, drama and game-playing. This is where you get rules about making men pay for this many dates before you can become intimate. Or how men need to transition from attraction phase to comfort phase by qualifying three times before they’re allowed to commence an escalation ladder. These things may seem clever and exciting to some people who are stuck or frustrated. But this dating advice misses the point. If you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost.

Let me ask again: Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? If they’re not happy with you now, what makes you think they’ll be happy to be with you later? Why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you? What does that say about you? That you believe you need to convince people to be with you? You wouldn’t buy a dog that bites you all the time. And you wouldn’t be friends with someone who regularly ditches you. You wouldn’t work a job that doesn’t pay you. Then why the hell are you trying to make a girlfriend out of a woman who doesn’t want to date you? Where’s YOUR self-respect??? 

The entrepreneur Derek Sivers once wrote a blog post where he said that “If I’m not saying ‘Hell Yeah!’ to something, then I'm saying no.” It served him well in the business world and now I’d like to apply it to the dating world.

The Law of “Hell Yeah or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire YOU to say “Hell Yeah” in order for you to proceed with them.

The Law of “Hell Yeah or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “Hell Yeah” in order for you to proceed with them.

As you can see, The Law of “Hell Yeah or No” implies that both parties must be enthusiastic about the prospect of one anothers company. Why? Because attractive, non-needy, high self-worth people don’t have time for people who they are not excited to be with, and who are not excited to be with them. This may sound a bit idealistic to some. But The Law of “Hell Yeah or No” has many tangible benefits on your dating life:

1. No longer be strung along by people who aren’t that into you. End all of the headaches. End the wishing and hoping. End the disappoint and anger that inevitably follows. Start practicing self-respect. Become the rejector, not the rejected.
2. No longer pursue people you are "so-so" on for ego purposes. We’ve all been there. We were "so-so" about somebody, but we went along with it because nothing better was around. And we all have a few we’d like to take back. No more.
3. Consent issues are instantly resolved. If someone is playing games with you, playing hard to get, or pressuring you into doing something you’re unsure about, your answer is now easy. Or as I often like to say in regards to dating, “If you have to ask, then that’s your answer.”
4. Establish strong personal boundaries and enforce them. Maintaining strong boundaries not only makes one more confident and attractive, but also helps to preserve one’s sanity in the long-run.
5. Always know where you stand with the other person. Since you’re now freeing up so much time and energy from people you’re not that into, and people who are not that into you, you now find yourself perpetually in interactions where people’s intentions are clear and enthusiastic.

The real beauty of The Law of “Hell Yeah or No” is that it simplifies the problems you can have in your dating life. When applying the Law of “Hell Yeah or No,” there are really only two problems one can have: The first problem is people who never feel a “Hell Yeah” for anybody they meet. If you are lukewarm on absolutely everyone you meet, then either your demographics are way off, or you suffer from a lack of vulnerability and are protecting yourself by remaining indifferent and un-enthused by all of those around you. Remember, it’s your job to look for something cool in everyone you meet; it’s not their job to show you. This is life, not a sales convention. Learning to appreciate people you meet is a skill you cultivate. So get on it. This doesn’t mean you have to fall in love with everyone who breathes in your direction. It just means you need to take responsibility for your ability to connect with the people you are meeting. 

The second problem is people who never meet others who feel a “Hell Yeah” for them. If all of the people you pursue give you a mild responses, or outright rejections, then it’s time to focus on improving yourself. Ask yourself, what is it about yourself that would inspire others to say “Hell Yeah” about you? If the answer is not obvious, then you get to work. Build yourself into a person others would say “Hell Yeah” to.

And this is the ultimate dating advice lesson — man, woman, gay, straight, trans, furry, whatever — the only real dating advice is self improvement. Everything else is a distraction, a futile battle in the grey area, a prolonged ego trip. Because with the right tools and performance, you may be able to convince somebody into dating you, even marrying you. But you will have won the battle by sacrificing the war, the war of long-term happiness...

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Fighting Relationship Insecurity

When you find the one you feel like you’ve been waiting for all your life, it’s not surprising that you’d want to hold on tight. Your relationship is something that should be cherished, and you’re likely wary of anything that could harm it or take it away from you. But sometimes, the person in the relationship can be so concerned with keeping the relationship, that they actually begin harming it.

It can also be difficult to stay positive about finding love amid reports about how often people commit infidelity. Just recently, AdamEve.com shared survey results indicating that one in every three people admit to cheating in relationships. So, again, how does one stay positive here? But then there’s also this question: At what point do normal insecurities become too much? Everyone occasionally has jealously flare up or pangs of doubt, but there are ways you can help deal with these emotions instead of letting them impede on your relationship.

1. Talk About It - It’s important to have self-reflective conversations with yourself before talking with your partner in order to learn how to better manage your emotions and thoughts. The next time you feel your insecurities creeping up, first ask yourself why you’re feeling this way. Has your partner done anything to cause this? Is this feeling counterintuitive to the state of your relationship? If you still find a specific issue nagging at you, calmly bring the issue up with your partner. Dr. Jeanne Segal contributed to an article on HelpGuide.org, which stated that the most important aspect to positive communication with your partner is being able to listen. When sitting down and discussing your concerns, you have to be open and receptive to what your partner is saying. Challenging what they’re saying as untrue will hinder the conversation, rather than lead to a positive conclusion. And remember, your partner has nothing to gain from lying to you about their commitment. They are with you because they want to be—no one is forcing them.

2. Learning to Trust - One of the most important aspects of a relationship is trust. If you can trust your partner, then their words of reassurance should be enough to put your mind at ease. If you still find the issue in the forefront of your mind, it could be because you’re not as confident in their sincerity. But if they haven’t given you any reason to doubt them, it’s a good idea to reaffirm whether or not your concern could be due to your own insecurities. Do you trust your partner in every other way besides how they feel about you and your relationship? If so, it’s likely that you’re just experiencing some self-doubt. If you feel you can’t trust them in other aspects, there could be deeper issues that you both need to discuss.

3. Ask for Help - A study on insecurities from PsychologyToday.com reported that if you find yourself questioning why your partner would love you or you’re unable to believe that they do love you, “your emotions and actions” will be influenced by your insecurities. “You can’t believe you could be truly loved and so you test your partner every chance you get” in order for them to demonstrate their value, according to the article. They also said that it’s possible these thoughts and subsequent actions can lead you to sabotage the relationship because you believe your partner will leave anyway. If you find yourself constantly testing your partner or even convincing them that they don’t love you, it might be time to ask for some help from a neutral party such as a counselor. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. If anything, having a place to vent and work through problems will make you a stronger person overall, and it will strengthen your relationship for the better.

Relationships should make your life happier, not keep you up at night concerned about the commitment of your partner. Ask for help, talk with them about it, and get in touch with the reason behind your emotions. You, your partner, and your relationship as a whole will be much better in the long run...

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The Darker Side of Love

Sometimes I don't mix my feelings,and today is one of those days. Please let me take a moment to get some things off my relationship chest. And by the way, I'm still "Love's #1 Fan", but after learning of a relationship ending, a situationship revealed, two cancelled engagements, a pending divorce, I make no apologies for what you are about to read...

 

Love is a tricky thing. It varies in intensity and in the specificity of emotions. It is sometimes the most beautiful thing in the world, and at other times, it’s the most horrid thing we’ve ever come face-to-face with. Its odd how one thing could be the cause of so many contrary feelings. But that’s what makes love so beautiful – it’s the closest thing to perfection that exists in the world, the only thing that can easily and comfortably encompass good and evil, beautiful and ugly. It’s the closest thing to a flawless whole that man has ever claimed to have been part of.

When we think of love, we think of the happy kind of love. The kind of love that is the beginning of something beautiful – something that breathes life. There is however, another kind of love, a much darker and sadder kind of love. It’s the love one feels when one loves someone he or she can never and will never have. It’s the kind of love that doesn’t signal the beginning of something beautiful, but rather the end of something that might have been beautiful, but will never amount to anything more than what it is.

Contrary to popular belief or popular wishful thinking, love doesn’t always end happily. It doesn’t always result in the joining of two people, or the fusing of two lives into one. Sometimes on rare occasions, it results in the wedging apart of the two who love each other the most. You can love someone with all your soul and never get a chance to be with that person. Even worse, you can know that you love him or her, understanding there is no possibility that the two of you will ever be together. Some people cannot and will not ever end up together, even if they do love each other. It’s a sad truth, but a truth, nonetheless.

Love simply is not enough. All those fairytales, all those stories and movies you’ve heard and watched growing up, lied to you. Love is never enough because love is not rational. You hear that love is irrational all the time, yet you still hear the same people saying that love is enough to keep two people together. Unfortunately, we live in a world governed by rationality, and while love may be irrational, the real world always catches up with us and our irrational illusions dissipate into thin air. Then we are left with reality, and reality doesn’t always reason the way lovers do.

Some people don’t work out together. They have habits or beliefs that make it impossible to cohabitate with the person they love. There isn’t a couple out there that loves every little thing about one another. Sure, they may find certain quirks cute or unique, but they don’t love them; they simply accept them. There are some people who have such habits, tendencies, or thinking patterns that really do make them incompatible with the other person. The two may love each other fully, because remember, love isn’t rational, yet not be able to live and deal with each other forever. This is why relationships require compromise.

You’re not going to love everything about the person you are with, but you love enough about him or her to live with the things you don’t love. Not all people are willing to, or even able to compromise. Sometimes it just doesn’t work, regardless of what our emotions tell us. Compromising, of course, is a choice. You either choose to make it work or you choose not to. I believe this fully. As long as something doesn’t go against your nature, over time you can make it work. But there are still some cases when compromising isn’t enough. Sometimes there are other reasons two people cannot and will not ever be together. In fact, this is usually the deciding factor of whether or not two lovers will be capable of spending their lives together: if they are able to forgive and forget.

Because love is as intense an emotion as one gets, it occasionally leads us to make poor choices – choices that are hurtful to the ones we love. They may be poor calls of judgment, lies we told, or things we said. When it comes to love, our pasts haunt us. We move from relationship to relationship, hauling that entire set of luggage we managed to accumulate in our previous relationship. Because lovers who can’t work together don’t like to accept this fact, they have a tendency of breaking up and getting back together repeatedly. Each time they take a break from each other, they come back and try to start fresh. But the problem is, they’re still carrying that entire set of luggage. And sooner or later, they start to unpack. All the demons come out.

When love scars, it cuts deep and the pain isn’t easily forgotten and usually cannot be willfully forgotten. When you hurt the woman you love enough, she won’t come back to you - and because you still love her, you wouldn’t take her back even if she asked you to. You don’t trust yourself not to hurt her again and even if you did, she wouldn’t trust you not to hurt her again. Relationships are built on trust and you shattered her trust. Chances are, you both have bruises that have never fully healed and likely will never fully heal. And that’s just something you decided that you’ll have to live with. Why? Because you really don’t have any other options. You just hope that the two of you find others to love so you can think about each other less and so you don’t have to worry about their happiness anymore. You wait in hopes that new love can take the place of the old — which it can. But that doesn’t mean you will ever stop loving each other. Some people will love each other until the day they die, spending the majority of their lives apart. And so is the darker side of love…

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