Loving Your Soul Before Your Soul Mate

As “Love’s #1 Fan”, I believe wholeheartedly that you can’t have a meaningful relationship with someone until you’ve had one with yourself. Also, you can’t possibly have one with yourself if you’re always dating someone else. That’s why when you see people who are single, you shouldn’t think of them as alone, but as if they are in an intense and meaningful relationship with themselves. All this talk of “soul mates” and “perfect partners” is romantic and fun, but quite frankly, how can you possibly know who your soul mate is if you don’t even know your own soul? Which is why, as comedian Katt Williams says, "you have to learn how to take care of your #1 star player".

People who jump from relationship to relationship aren’t lucky; they’re delusional. I say that because I was once delusional myself (okay, maybe twice). Women who always have boyfriends and men who fall in love with every girl they pass on the street aren’t on their way to settling down with “The One” anytime soon, they’re only refusing to acknowledge they don’t even know what “The One” looks like. What Hallmark doesn’t validate, and no one seems to be talking about, is the one relationship that matters before the “perfect one.” Unlike high school and college romances, it’s a relationship vital to your maturity. The one relationship that you’ll look back on and thank God you went through, even if it wasn’t the storybook romance you’d always dreamed of.

Anyone who’s been single for a while knows it’s a lot like running. It starts off painful, but after enough time, you catch a second wind and you believe you'll run forever. The endorphins kick in, and you have no desire to stop anytime soon. You’re wrapped up in yourself and your mission, feeling free and effortlessly moving through life. Those feelings are the most important ones you’ll ever have. Not the euphoric moments wrapped in someone’s arms. Don’t get me wrong, being in someone’s arms has it place, and I’d love to be in that place again, but those feelings don’t last; they break, fade and leave. And what happens then? You’re left with just yourself, and if you don’t absolutely freaking love the person you’re left with, then you’re truly alone. You’re not ready for a real relationship until you’ve reached one with yourself first.

Spending time alone doesn’t scare you; it invigorates you. Everyone has to be alone sometimes. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, when you spend weekends or nights alone in your home or apartment, the idea shouldn’t terrify you. Instead, it should open you up to an exciting world of possibilities. You’re excited, not dreading the time you have to explore all the passions and hobbies you picked up from learning about yourself.

You’re not looking for someone as a passion, but for someone to understand your passion. You know who you are; you know what you’re looking for. The men or women you date will have a certain specificity to them because you’ve defined yourself specifically. You have your passions, desires and dreams and only a certain type of person will understand and help you nourish them. You know what type of people you do and don’t get along with because you know yourself.

You’re not looking for someone to complete you, because YOU complement you. You complete yourself. You know who you are and what makes you happy. You find your happiness in your love for yourself, not someone else. You know your soul mate will add to your life, but won’t ever make your life. You found your purpose long ago, and no one can ever take that away from you or replace it. You’re completely and absolutely in love with the only person who matters and your soul mate will just complement that love.

Yours goals are for yourself, not about someone else. Loving yourself means having real goals, not just relationship ones. Your relationship with yourself is enough, and the only thing you’re working toward is the kind of work to fulfill and sustain you for the rest of your life. Unlike the relationships so many strive for, you’ve found a relationship within yourself, and are working toward something to complete you in another way.

A person will never be your world because you’ve already created your own. If you know how to have a relationship with yourself, you’ll never experience the loss others feel when the love they gave to someone else is thrown in their face. When you go through an inevitable breakup, you won’t feel like your entire world has crashed. You had a world before them, and will have it after them too.

You already know who you are, so you aren’t trying to be someone else. Most relationships aren’t real because the people in them aren’t. Too many men and women refuse to take the time to get to know themselves and instead just become copies of people they think they need to be. They pick up personalities and personas, usually realizing too late they don’t even like the people they’re pretending to be. When you’ve spent enough time alone, you know who you are and who you’ll never be. You’re free to enter a relationship without the danger of losing yourself.

Just my view, so let the relationship church say "amen"…

facebook.com/RelationshipLessons
twitter.com/RShipLessons