Living on Relationship's Version of Fantasy Island

Love is a real tricky emotion to talk about because every man has his own definition of it. Maybe it's a warm feeling inside the heart, an intuitive tug of the soul, or a two-by-four upside the head by this man or woman you’ve been dating. He or she is trying to say something to you, something like “I love you.” Paul the Apostle wrote “Love is patient, love is kind” in his first letter to the Corinthian church. “Being loved deeply by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage,” Lau-Tzu wrote. And then there’s this quote from Marilyn Monroe: “If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything”. Don’t we feel all lovey-dovey now?

Hold it, just hold it a minute! As an almost 50 year old, is true love fleeting? I guess it depends on what each man’s experience has been with love. Some men have been married many years to the same person, and are quite happy. Others have had a couple of marriages and learned life lessons. Then, there are those who never have been married and might be afraid of commitment. Hey, I said might. Love: Real World or Fantasy World, you decide.

Back in the 1970s, one of television's highest-ranking shows was “Fantasy Island.” Actor Ricardo Montalban starred as Mr. Roarke, “your host” who led a few weekly guest stars toward finding romance. Of course, Herve’ Villechaize played Tattoo, Mr. Roarke’s assistant. You can see him in the opening credits go to a bell tower and exclaim “The plane! The plane!” as an island-hopping airplane brought many guest stars for a getaway to have their dreams fulfilled. Sound hokey? Does the sun set in the West? Of course it does!

Yet do we as men want to “get real” with a woman, or choose to live a life filled with fantasies? Considering that adult entertainment is a billion-dollar business, then that might be true. Yes, there are those who really don’t find anything wrong with porn and I’m not going to stand on a moral high ground here. That is for someone else to do. What I am pointing out is selecting and embracing love isn’t as clean cut as it might be for others. I’m guessing that I am an anomaly among many almost 50 year old men in that I have been married, has a kid, and just a few intimate relationships. Am I scared of reality and choosing fantasy instead? Many times, admittedly, that has been the case. More than ever, I am choosing to put my feet in the fire and really want a woman whom I can share a lot with in my life.

Why write about love? Because it is one trait that everyone, no matter who they are, really desires in their lives. The person in the peanut gallery just yelled, “Not me, dude, I don’t need love in my life.” Yeah, yeah, would you like some Junior Mints, sir? A man does want to give and receive love. I understand that too many hurts and wounds around love and being loved can definitely quench that desire. If that’s the case for you, then I would hope that you get around some people that can help overcome those emotional blocks. That is your choice, though. No one is forcing any man to romantically another person.

From my limited relationship experience, I can say that the feeling of love early on is so beautiful. The sex wasn’t that bad either. Hey, do you want me to get real here or just BS through this piece? I thought not. It is not really pleasant to go for long periods of time without connecting with other people. I mean from a soul sense. There have been weeks and months over the past year or so where I have gone without a hug. A romantic kiss? Let’s not even go there. Please, keep the pity for me to yourself. I'm not asking for any of that at all, it’s just been my reality.

Loving another person does not have to be romantic. That type of platonic love is quite rich and beautiful. I’ve experienced that a lot over the past few years and it is so healthy, wonderful and transparent. My want is that every man gets a chance to feel that deep inside his heart. I am definitely not Dr. Phil McGraw or Dr. Drew Pinsky. Sorry folks, my professional qualifications don’t match theirs at all. Yet I do know that love is a subject all men consider in their lives. Love is a beautiful emotion indeed. It’s more than a holiday card too. How many love songs have been written? Too many to list here, and everyone has their own favorites. So in the romantic spirit that this has been written, I will leave you with a great Hoagy Carmichael-composed classic.

Hopefully, love will come bounding in your life sometime and absolutely bring such joy and happiness to you that it’ll permanently leave you smiling.

How about maybe smiling for a few days? No? Eh, I’ll let you figure it out. 

Call Dr. Phil or Dr. Drew if you need some help. My phone is disconnected…

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