Why Should He Marry You?

Recently, I’ve been having a lot of conversations with women who are ready for marriage and a family. As crazy as it is that people make the decision about marriage by themselves instead of as a couple is weird to me, but I’ll set that aside for now. During the conversations, I always ask these women the same simple question, “Why should he marry you?”

The answers I hear will usually tell me everything I need to know about whether or not they’ll be successful in their goal to get and stay married. The most likely answer, “Because I’m ______ and because I'm ______. Also, because I’m ______ and because I'm ______.” You can put any quality or characteristic that people may think are important in those blanks; independent, educated, loving or pretty. Any of those will do I guess, but as soon as they answer that way, I know that almost always they’ll be unsuccessful. Why? To me it’s very simple, and it’s ironic that women haven’t realized this in the past years. As many a men (myself included) have penned posts about their failed marriages due to the fact that they didn’t love their woman for who she was, the same applies to women. Most men marry women for one of two reasons; either you let him be him, or you inspire him to be a better him. That’s the answer to the question that I always look for.

When I asked the question, one woman said “Because I love him for who he is.” I’m almost positive that a marriage is in her future. Of course, there are women who don't speak up and they let their man “be themselves” when it means they don’t have to get married or contribute. However one could argue that isn’t letting him be himself, but rather letting him be less than himself. When asked the question another woman said, “Because I want the best for him.” I’m sure she’d find luck too. I guess the whole point that we should take away from this post is when thinking about marriage, think about the other person and not just yourself. If you’re not at a point in your life where you can do that, then you probably aren’t ready for such a serious commitment.

 

This is the key to any friendship, relationship, bond or marriage. All of your qualities may seem to make you an attractive partner, but it’s really tangential to the larger point of the need to think about the other person more than yourself. And just in case you should notice that the other person doesn’t think about you as much as you think about them, then maybe you’re not in a good relationship.

I know both men and women are absolutely fatigued with watching our social media timelines filled with single people talking about how great they are but they can’t find a mate. Maybe it’s because if we were that great, we wouldn’t spend so much time talking about ourselves. With that said, before I get too far ahead of myself, I wonder how many of you can answer the question, “Why should he marry you?” the next time you’re asked.

Three years of blogging and 441 posts later, that's it for now. More lessons to come, down the road...

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