Lessons For You And Your Halloween Boo

With Halloween approaching, let’s be kids again and get in the spirit. When I was a kid, Halloween was one of my favorite holidays. An infinite supply of candy, living life as your favorite fictional character, and watching horror movie marathons for days! Who says we still can’t enjoy ourselves on Halloween as an adult? Just don't come to my house dressed as a clown (if you know what's good for you). Here are five date ideas for you and your lover that might spook her into your arms, entice him to do a special trick, and/or add more memories to the forever you wish to share:

1. Dress Up To Get “Spooked” Out Your Clothes – Go pick out a Halloween costume and visit your local haunted house. This works well for the adventurous couples and all of the guys who swear nothing ever scares them. I'm letting y'all know up front that clowns will make me change my zip code. You never know, when an ugly monster jumps out at you two, it may be him jumping in your arms and not the other way around.

2. Jack O Lantern – This is where you two can see the artsy side of one another. Go to a pumpkin patch to select your perfect pumpkin, and come home and carve out your very unique Jack O Lantern. If you’re the competitive type, once you’re finished, post your work on Instagram and ask your friends to vote on their favorite one.

3. Bond Around The Fire – You sleep in the same bed every night. How about turning your backyard or local camping site into a bedroom for an evening and building a bonfire? Try sleeping with nature for the evening. While eating smores and sipping hot cocoa, embrace the ambiance and fall in love with nature. Take in all of the beautiful scenery, share stories that you may have never shared with one another, and once the sun sets, gaze into the stars while cuddled up under the blanket. This will be a night to remember for sure.

4. Treats Plus A Snapshot – Sure, maybe you’re at the age where you don’t want to go house-to-house saying “trick or treat” but there are hundreds of youngsters out there who are anxiously waiting to recite those lines to you. Stock up on candy and prepare to make their night. As all of the precious little children come up to your door with high hopes of their favorite candy getting thrown into their bags, have your camera ready to take pictures of the little critters once they arrive. Kids love to pose.

5. Scary Movie – Turn off your cell phones, make sure the room is dark, have your snacks in bed with you, and pick out horror flicks you’ve never seen before. It’s hard to get scared when you already know what’s coming. You can take in your classic scary joints on another night, but tonight is all about the unknown.

Speaking of the unknown, don’t be afraid to try out a little role playing. You two may have picked out your costumes together, but maybe while he/she is at work you can get a costume for his/her eyes only. Be sure to set the scene, have all of your props, and don’t be stingy with the tricks or the treats — knock ‘em out of their socks...

Happy Halloween

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Why She Doesn't Call You Her Boyfriend

Last week, you were presented with an explanation as to why he doesn’t call you his girlfriend. While it explores the reasons behind a man’s intentions, I think it’s important to explore the reasons behind the woman’s mentality as well. While most women would love to have a boyfriend or at least an “exclusive” partner, there are certain behaviors that are just unacceptable for people trying to fill this role. I know it’s hard to digest, but women are just as capable as men of having casual, sexual relations. I know, its mind-blowing! Just because she seems interested in you sexually, does not mean she’s eager to call you her boyfriend. Certain behaviors are acceptable for a casual hook up, are just not acceptable for the role of a boyfriend. Let’s take a look at the reasons she doesn’t call you her boyfriend:

You Hook-up With Everybody!

If you are a well-known player, why the hell would she even try to enter a committed relationship with you? You claim you want a girlfriend, but chances are you are hooking up with whatever girl will go home with you that night, exposing you to something you might want. How enticing. 

Your Idea Of A Date Is Drinks.

This is not a date, this is an excuse to get someone drunk enough to convince them to go home with you. Ladies if you think this is a date, you need a reality check. While this may be sufficient enough for the first few dates, if these are the only outings you are going on together, he is not boyfriend material.

You Never Chill Sober.

The best part of having a counterpart is spending those mundane afternoons together. If you are incapable of hanging out while sober, how do you expect to have any depth to your relationship? Chances are you probably won’t even remember half of your encounters if you are inebriated.

She’s Using You.

Girls can play the field just as well, if not better, than men. Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free isn’t just a one-way street. Open your eyes and your minds, girls can have unemotional sex too. If you are only hanging out with this girl past the hours of 1 a.m. and she only vaguely remembers having sex with you, chances are you are just not boyfriend material. You are a play thing and nothing serious; you serve your purpose and move on.

She Doesn’t Want To Move Too Fast.

Some girls are old-fashioned and don’t want to be the one to initiate a relationship. Secretly this girl could be head over heels in love with you, but she doesn’t want to call you her boyfriend because she doesn’t want to freak you out. Hopefully if she sticks it out long enough and you two behave in the way a couple does, you will eventually make the move.

You’re Soft.

Nice guys are way too available; girls love the chase and the challenge. They need someone with a backbone, not someone they can discuss their female problems with. No one ever cherishes something or someone that has come effortless to him or her. They strive after worthwhile things and everyone knows something worthwhile never comes easily.

It’s Sexual.

First of all, there’s a difference between dating a guy and having sex with a guy. Sex doesn’t always involve intimacy and this is something people of both sexes fail to realize. There are just some people you have sexual relationships with and there are some people you have intimate relationships with. If you are simply enjoying each other’s company while you hook up, this is a friends with benefits situation, and nothing more.

Her Friends Don’t Like You.

A girl will always verify a guy to some extent before getting into a committed relationship with said person. If you’re not passing the friend test, there’s basically a 90% chance this girl will not date you. Sure, she may hook up with you from time to time, all out of good fun of course, but she will never enter a relationship with a person her friends detest.

Her Parents Don’t Like You

Back in the day it was cool and rebellious to date someone against your parents’ wishes, but in your 30's and 40's that just doesn’t fly. You want to share experiences with your family and your partner, making situations much more pleasant. It’s no fun to bring home a guy to Thanksgiving dinner that no one wants there.

She’s Hung Up On Her Ex.

The past always wins when a girl is clinging to her ex. There is already a ton of emotional investment there. Sure, she may be with you, but if she is still hung up on her ex, the only thing you are getting from this girl is conversation. She is not going to commit to another person no matter how hard you try. The sooner this is recognized, the better it is for both parties.

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Why He Doesn't Call You His Girlfriend

There are a lot of reasons for why a guy won’t call you his girlfriend, and although most intelligent and sensible guys wouldn’t have any problem settling into the label of boyfriend and girlfriend (especially if it’s what you want). Other guys who have issues with this, might feel a little differently. Usually if such a guy won’t call you his girlfriend after more than a couple months, I would assume that he’s enjoying the relationship exactly as it is, and right now he will not take things any further unless he is "inspired" to do so. Don’t worry, I’ll show you how to inspire him. If you think about it differently, a guy usually doesn’t call a girl his girlfriend because he doesn’t have to. To some guys, giving a woman the title of girlfriend is a huge deal, especially if the girl is making herself too available and she’s too committed when he hasn’t actually committed to anything.

Why would he need to call her his girlfriend?

Think of it this way: if you were shopping at the mall, and the mall suddenly decided to give you everything for free, would you say, “No, please let me pay for it?” Of course you wouldn’t. Having said that, it doesn’t mean that this guy will never call you his girlfriend. There are some things that you can do in order to “inspire” him. Some might say that this is playing games, but in fact these are just some tips to help you shift your perspective in order to make him understand. First off, you should not get caught up on this issue. Often times, women constantly bring up a man’s inability to make a relationship official, which just smothers every single bit of joy out of the relationship. If the relationship stops being fun and full of happiness, and starts to become more like a battle of convincing, the guy will feel less inclined to stay. Think about it, why would any guy want to continue a relationship that feels like it’s falling apart? Do not stress him about this issue. Bringing up the topic once is more than enough, believe me. The guy already has some underlying issues, which need to be taken care of, and a constant reminder that he’s not fully committing to you isn’t going to help.

So, what can you do?

Is there a way to sway a man into calling you his girlfriend? Most importantly, you need to love yourself first! This may sound cheesy, but having a high sense of self-worth means that you know what you want, that you know what you can get, and that you never need to settle for anything less. Once you truly believe this, the way you view him and your relationship will change. Not only that, but having self-worth will also come across in the way you act. I would suggest that you focus on being fun and lighthearted while trying to enjoy the relationship for what it is. But more importantly, I would recommend keeping your options open and continuing to keep up with all your other social activities that don’t involve him, including seeing your friends, going out, going to parties, and going on dates. It’s very important to keep your time and company only as available as he is willing to be available to you. Make an effort to match your level of commitment to his, so that you’re not left hanging if he comes up short. If you’re put on the spot about any of these activities (including going on dates), you can calmly say “I never thought that we were exclusive.” Believe me, he will get the message. Again, this is not playing games, but if he isn’t mature enough to call you his girlfriend after two months, you have the right to maturely keep your options open. Don’t dedicate all of your time and attention to a man that doesn’t seem to be ready to commit.

Something to think about.

If you like the relationship for what it is right now, then stay. If you’re not satisfied with how it is right now, then you should move on and find a guy that will make you happy. There’s an infinite amount of reasons why a guy might not be able to call you his girlfriend. Usually, it comes down to his commitment issues. It may be because (as in today’s case) he just came out of a long-term relationship and doesn’t want to get hurt again. Or it could be that he’s incredibly stressed at work and can’t deal with commitment right now. It really doesn’t matter what the reason is. This relationship is either working for you at the moment, or it’s not. There are a lot of traps in this sort of situation. For example, one would be staying in a relationship you are not happy in, and haven’t been happy in for quite some time, but you’re sticking around because of “the potential of what it could be”. The truth is that if you don’t like it exactly how it is right now, it will probably never change unless he is motivated to change. If the relationship hasn’t been working for you for a while, then you’re better off just putting it all on the table by saying, “This is what I want, or this is it.” You will either get the commitment you desire, or you will find yourself single again. Either way, you’re going to end up in a better place. Being single is much better than being in an unhappy relationship anyway. At the end of the day, all relationships need hard work. I’m not saying that you should abandon a relationship because it’s not perfect – nothing is ever perfect. But at the same time, you need to make sure that your partner is also willing to put in the work, even if it’s small things like calling you his girlfriend. If that’s not the case, only you can truly judge if that relationship is worth continuing...

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"To Good To Be True" versus "Too Good For You"

Fellas, let’s take a stroll down memory lane. You meet a woman you have genuine interest in. You spend much time conversing with her over the phone; the two of you go out on dates; you treat her with the respect she deserves, and you both enjoy the time spent together. Everything seems to be going just fine, then out of nowhere, she questions the legitimacy of it all. She says things like “this is too good to be true” or “there’s no way you can be THIS nice of a guy” or lastly, “do you have kids that I don’t know about or an attitude problem you haven’t displayed yet?” You’re left thinking, “what in the hell is this woman talking about?” You’ve given her no reason to feel this way, and yet she’s questioning your authenticity and the validity of all the things you’ve ever told her and the experiences you two have shared. I refer to this as Selective Perception and sadly, many women suffer from this, which causes men to suffer right along with them.

Selective Perception – A bias interpretation of information in a way that aligns with existing ideology.

Let me break it down further. The woman who is accusing you of being like the men she has previously encountered, decided to view you as "too good to be true" because her experiences in life tell her that you are. Her experiences are the stimuli used to form her present-day reality, as well as the paradigm in which she thinks.
 

This is a quick way to turn off a good guy. The thing about good guys is, they know they’re good guys. They know that there is a shortage of good guys out here, so they usually are less likely to deal with the unnecessary. You have this guy that treats you right, takes you out on fantastic dates, has great conversation, enhances your life experience, and in return...he gets his integrity questioned with accusations of being fake and phony. He doesn’t have to deal with that, so he leaves and you’re back at square one looking for another good guy. It’s perfectly understandable how you can get to this position. Our perception is generated by our awareness and understanding of the sensory information we experience everyday. If we reacted to every degree of stimuli throughout our day, we would be extremely overwhelmed. This activates our selective perception, which serves as a filter for information that we find to be of no use due to our current ideology. Although it’s understandable how you’ve come to this conclusion, it’s important to understand it enough to make alterations. Selective perception deprives women of seeing the truth in men because of the labels they've already given them. The perception is so limiting, that you can miss out on forming relationships that may prove to be highly beneficial. Increasing your awareness to this process will allow you to be able to manage relationships better.

Ladies: You deserve a good man. Many of your doubts stem from the uncertainty of if you really deserve everything a good man has to offer. You do deserve everything and more. A good man takes pride in being good to you, so embrace him. Don’t let your past cause you to scare off your future.

Gentlemen: She’s scared and scarred, and the baggage may seem too heavy for the wonderful ride you’re ready to take her on. Stimulate her while you carry those bags. Allow the trip you take her on to alter her perception, and watch how happy she makes you once you reach your destination.

 

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Finding Your Value: Cakeboss Writes Another Letter

I saw this tweet on my timeline a couple of weeks ago and it caught my eye. “Just because someone desires you, does not mean they value you”. I had a few thoughts I wanted to express on it, so I figured what better place to let it all fly than right here on Relationship Lessons. I know a whole heap of ladies read this site, so knowing this, I hope these words will help someone. It’s damn near common knowledge that a lot of men can be extremely ambiguous when it comes to their intentions. A lot of ladies spend a bunch of time in this grey area trying to figure out “what are we?” Trust me, most guys have heard that question since high school. Today, I tell you that you don’t have to question yourself so much in regards to your stance with someone.

Often times a man tells you all he needs to tell you through his actions.

I’ve said a number of times that you have to listen to what a person is not saying. There should be no sort of confusion once you read someone’s actions. Men desire many things from a woman. It's his behavior towards you that will lend itself to exactly what he’s desiring. Pay close attention to the conversations you have and the things he remembers about you. To the ladies void of going on dates, pay attention to see if he ever proposes that you all go on one. Figure out what sort of treatment you want. It may annoy you to have to do so, but put it out there. If you want to go out sometimes, even if you have to split the bill, let it be known. I understand that every guy doesn’t have the wherewithal to have that base covered, but it doesn't mean y'all can't go out because of it either.

If he values you, he’ll take your concerns under advisement without question.

Don’t ever get excited about the attention you get. Attention is as simple as turning any man’s head. I believe that time and effort correlate more with value. When a guy values you, you'll get a full and complete feeling of what’s going on in the relationship. Your texts will get answered, your guy will keep you smiling, and he has genuine interest in what makes you happy. In addition, he’ll have even more interest in what keeps you happy.

The truth is many men have formulas in their head that have shown to work.

They may desire women to solely sleep with. Under that motivation, they have their ways of going about it. This has created women who “fall” for that tactic, and therefore, it gives his process some credence. These fellas find ways to get what they want through limited effort. Lies and excuses are fed while not enough attention is spent just feeling out the little things. You ladies just have to make sure a guy is into who you are versus being into what you are.

We all love the body on a woman. Who doesn’t?

Just make sure that same dude wants to see you get your promotion, or your masters degree, or whatever else is the case. In all things, let there be a balance. I think at the end of the day that’s the bottom line to what I’m trying to say. Nothing works in this life without balance. If you’re not feeling a balance with someone you’re dating, then it’s simply something that should be addressed. Of course communication is paramount, if for no other reason because the more you communicate, the higher the likelihood you have to weed out the bull. You want to be valued more than desired. If you succeed at that, then you’re more than deserving.

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How To Know If He Loves You: The 200th Relationship Lesson

Let me first thank all of you for sticking with me through 200 lessons. WOW! I never thought this would go this far, this fast, but it's a lot of work and I'm glad to do it. Thanks for pushing me though so many topics and SO many lessons... 

I’ve had a number of female friends over the year ask, How can I tell he loves me? I’ve answered this question a lot of different ways, but when it boils down to it, the best way to tell if a man loves you is to STRESS HIM OUT...I’m serious! You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Stress him out? That’s ridiculous!” That’s because you’ve been brainwashed. 

1) A man has to care about you enough to even let you stress him out.
2) If a man really loves you, a little stress is not going to make him leave. 

An often glossed over fact of life is that relationships take work. If a man is willing to work on your relationship, it’s because he cares. If he runs at the first sign of hardship, he didn’t value you or the relationship very much. You know the type of women that get caught up in years and years of pseudo-relationship with no commitment or direction? The laid-back woman. The woman that causes a man no stress whatsoever is the type he keeps around but never commits to. Sure, they may never fight because what do they have to fight about? The relationship has no substance. She is perfectly content holding on to the hope of commitment instead of facing the reality that it may never come, but she for damn sure won’t “stress him out” by asking a simple, yet pertinent question, “where is this relationship going?” 

Unfortunately, it's the women who follow the man's plan (even if it is completely contradictory to their own), and end up frustrated and confused when he suddenly leaves because he was never emotionally vested in the relationship. Just as women prefer alpha males, men like women with a backbone. If you let a man get away with all kinds of non-sense he shouldn’t get away with, consciously or subconsciously, he will lose respect for you. And no, I’m not saying or excusing that he will treat you bad. He just has no incentive to treat you great, let alone put a ring on it. If his minimum has proven sufficient, why put in the excess effort of giving you his best? 

Too often women are willing to change their entire make up as a person, simply to be with a man they like because she’s afraid if she’s herself, that same man won’t like the “real her.” She’ll change employment, residence, personality, religion and the list goes on and on to make her fit the mold she thinks this man wants before she’ll do something as crazy as be herself. In reality, a man doesn’t want to fall for the woman you’re pretending to be (you won’t be able to keep that farce up anyway), he wants to fall in love with the woman you are. In other words, be yourself so we can fall in love with YOU, not your representative.

Assuming that you have reasonable expectations, standards and goals...then voice them to us. Give us men an opportunity to figure out if we can and will love the real you. Let us accurately assess if we can be the man you want and need. Don’t get me wrong, you should remain open to negotiation but you shouldn’t bite your tongue either. That comes off as weak. It also comes off as fake. Otherwise, we’ll both be unhappy when you “change.” But technically you never changed, all you really did was become yourself after the guarantee of commitment…well damn, it’s nice to finally meet YOU! If you religiously watch reality shows, talk during movies, curse like a sailor and smoke cigarillos, then DON'T change things simply because you’re hanging around us. Changing on your own accord is one thing, but changing into someone you are not to obtain someone’s affections is misleading. If you have a tough question, ask it. If something’s bothering you, voice it. If in being yourself, you stress him out and he leaves...it’s his loss, not yours! He couldn’t accept the real you, which only means he doesn’t deserve any of you. Point blank, period!

When a man doesn’t care about a future with a woman, he retreats at the first sign of stress. You ask where this relationship is going? He disappears. You ask if he wants more than sex from you? He stops calling. You want to know why his ex-girlfriend keeps calling at 3am? He tells you you’re tripping to the point where you actually believe you are tripping. YOU ARE NOT TRIPPING! These are perfectly reasonable questions that any logical person with half a brain should ask and should receive an honest response. Reverse psychology in relationships is older than the words in the Bible! Don’t fall for it. Know your worth and expect...no, DEMAND that he honor it. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!

I’m not saying you should run into the next room and slap your man upside the head. I am saying you shouldn’t have to act like someone completely different than who you are naturally in order to get a man to fall in love with you. Doesn’t that mean he isn’t really in love with you? It’s possible he may leave you, but what have you really lost? A man that never respected you enough to commit or respect you as a person? That doesn’t seem like much of a loss to me. It seems more like a gain. When a man loves a woman, he doesn’t pull up the tent he pitched just as soon as the relationship is tested. He looks at it as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship. This is the man you should have in your life instead of settling for someone willing to remain simply because you never stress him out. After all, that might be the only reason he’s keeping you around...

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The Reason Why We Don't Meet Who We Want Faster

A few days ago, I was talking to a guy who was explaining to me this dilemma he’s having. He said that there’s a woman he sees from time to time who isn’t his girlfriend. He hasn’t been in a serious relationship with this other woman, but he has great sexual chemistry with her and they get along well. Physically, this woman is very appealing to him. However, this man’s current woman is very good to him, but he has some hang-ups about her. One of his hang-ups is that he isn’t as physically attracted to her as he would like. This woman is a sweetie, but he’s afraid to leave her because of the self-esteem damage it may do to her. So he stays. He’s out with this outside woman one day and asks himself “why am I not with her?” He went on to tell me that many times we settle for the prototype of what we want in a person. 

Prototype -  1. The original or model on which something is based or formed. 2. Someone or something that serves to illustrate the typical qualities of a class; model.

What this tells me is that prototypes can be pretty general and pretty vague. In reference to automobiles, prototypes are always tinkered with after their initial release. We may have a general idea of what we want. As a matter of  fact, most of us have a lot of things in common as it pertains to what we look for in someone. But at the same time, we’re not all into each other. We make tweaks of our own when it comes to prototypes through break-ups and self-improvement. Ultimately, there’s a difference between what we generally want and what we really want. That disconnect can pretty much be paralleled with dating. I think the older we get, the less we should settle for simple prototypes of who we’d like to be with. It’s alright to wait things out. I’d liken this scenario to how my mother usually shops. You see, she would see something she really wanted but it would be too expensive. So she’s notorious for not buying an item for a price she doesn’t want to pay. She usually waits until the price comes down to a point she likes.

There are no shortcuts in dating. The reason why most of us don’t meet who we want faster is because it’s a process. In my own experience, I can meet an amazing woman but sometimes my timing sucks. Honestly, many times my timing sucks and that lady is cuffed up. Maybe some of you can relate. It’s all a process. Don’t sweat the time it takes. I rather take my time and do something right, than rush it and do something wrong. Let’s all hold our heads. We can get exactly what we want if we work the process. I know I will...

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Fall In Love All Over Again...WITH YOURSELF (Guest Blogger)

You never know what is going to happen when you give yourself a chance on this blog, on the Facebook page...wherever! I get a lot of people sending me requests to look at their blog, and people advertising their work on the Relationship Lessons page on Facebook, and emails with blogging samples. Yesterday, one such person wanted to promote her blog, but little did she know that I was on the page at the same time, so I decided to give it a read for myself. I love to support writers, knowing that when the time comes, I would love for other writers to support me. I read her blog, and a few more articles she wrote, and I can say that "La Vida Dolce", (Italian for "the sweet life") is destined for great things, and needs to be shared with the world. Like I said, you never know what will happen when you give yourself a chance. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you the writer behind lavidadolce.wordpress.com, Danielle Gordon...

What is it about being alone that makes some of us so uncomfortable?  I know some may thrive on independence and self-reliance, but most of us enjoy the emotional security that others provide, and that’s completely understandable.  We’re wired to socialize, to be wanted, to connect with others, and when this is not achieved, we become anxious.  We begin thinking there’s “something wrong” with us, when in fact, everything could be just fine.  Unfortunately, this anxiety of being alone may drive us towards problematic situations such as  serial monogamy, entertaining unhealthy relationships of any sorts, or forgetting who we are as an individual.

With that said, I propose doing something completely radical and out of the ordinary…fall in love with yourself all over again! I’m not talking about staring at your reflection in a mirror like Narcissus from Greek mythology and say multiple times, “I love you. You’re beautiful” (no, no no…that’s just weird)! I’m suggesting spending quality time with me, myself and I, to rediscover who you are and rebuild that comfortability with yourself. 

 

In the medical world we call this “exposure therapy”, but it’s not nearly as daunting as it sounds. You may initially experience some anxiety brewing, but I assure you, that’s a normal part of venturing into activities alone. I would suggest to start slow with a stroll in a park or going to a museum since people are still in the vicinity and then gradually progress to going to the movies or eating a meal alone. During these times of solitude, take a few mental notes of what you’re experiencing:

• Is there anything new you’re discovering about yourself?
• What about this moment are you particularly enjoying?
• What thoughts are coming to your mind?
• What are feeling at this moment?

This exercise is not intended for you to practice becoming a hermit – life is too enjoyable to be locked away.  It’s meant for us to recharge and realize that it’s ok to enjoy the company of yourself, as well as, a group of friends.  So go out there and have fun with me, myself and I – you won’t regret it!

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The Ex Factor: How To Pick Your Next Mate

Most of us have at least one or two cringe-worthy ex skeletons in our relationship closet. Just thinking about a couple of mine makes me shudder even as I write this. But have you ever had an ex who makes you congratulate yourself for your excellent standards? You know, the “she was hella fine, had money, and I used to BEAT THE BREAKS OFF that thing” type of ex? I have, because I started picking my women based off the type of ex she will look like, rather than the fun she looks like in the moment. From this day forward, I challenge you to draft for your franchise, not just for the upcoming season. By doing so, you will actually attract increasingly better talent as time goes on.

At some point during every courtship, you two are going to broach the subject of exes. This is inevitable, because both of you want to know what the other one likes, and there is no better indicator than looking at the types that have come before you. This can actually work in your favor if your past men or women are of high quality. A strong ex can make you look like royalty; but you can’t attract a true king or queen messing with peasants. One thing I know is, before a woman decides to upgrade you, she wants to know whether you have a history of wanting to wife tramps or if you are in pursuit of an Empress.

Whenever I talk about my ex (The One), I find myself speaking so highly of her that I get asked, “so why did y'all break up?” She was and still is a very amazing woman, physically stunning, intellectually inclined and professionally accomplished. It’s hard to explain that I care more about the vibe than how we look as a couple. Nowadays everyone is so visual and superficial, that it sounds almost cheesy to suggest that our partnership was more important than how photogenic we were. Frankly speaking, I can find any girl to swallow and throw it back; I’m looking for the one who will shepherd me through life with as many smiles as possible, and so should you.

Here's a question for the fellas. If a woman had to view a slideshow of all your exes, complete with Street-Fighter type attributes ranking intellectual and professional prowess, is she going to be repulsed or impressed? Ladies, I don't want to leave you out. Men rank everything, and when I say everything...I mean EVERYTHING! If you laid out your exes for him, could he honestly say your last two or three relationships are leading you upstairs to the relationship penthouse, or down to the garden apartment of love. You want each new mate to one-up the last mate, just like a job. Because that’s exactly what exes are: a resume of your romantic/sexual history. Your prospective employer is going to evaluate your skills based upon the caliber of mate you’ve “worked” previously. This isn’t some distended metaphor. This is really how value is determined in the 2KTeens. It’s not a perfect indicator, but it's a pretty accurate gauge.

At the end of the day, men and women alike must start being more concerned with their legacy, not just a fleeting desire. As time passes, each person has their moment on earth. The one thing that has never changed is this: the type of man or woman you choose can be either your crown or your downfall in life. Your mate is your mirror, and you cannot be a relationship boss and be involved with ratchet people at the same time. So be smart about your choice, and try to look into your relationship future to determine if the one you want in your life is a step up or a setback... 

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Couples You're Friends With, Whether You Like It Or Not

If your Facebook friends list is anywhere near as accurate as your actual friends list, chances are, you know a lot of people in relationships. Some of those relationships are good, but some of them are twisted, bizarre, bent up pieces of metal, soldered together with tears and awkward sex. This blog is about those relationships. I've seen and heard my share of both stories and couples being a relationship coach, so consider this little relationship rant the types of couples you’re probably friends with, whether you like it or not. If the truth be told, at one time or another, you've been one of these couples yourself. 

1. The couple who thinks everybody is trying to sleep with them. They constantly have stories about how their neighbor/co-worker/cable guy/bank teller came onto them. Hey guys, just so you know, nobody is trying to have sex with you!

2. The couple who is super openly passive-aggressive with each other. They snipe at each other constantly, and you’re like, “Why are you two even together when you obviously hate one another?” The reason? Their sex life is probably insane.

3. The couple that breaks up once week. These guys aren’t passive-aggressive, they’re aggressive-aggressive and they’re addicted to high-pitched drama.

4. The couple that always accuses each other of cheating. He reads her emails, she goes through his texts. They are the most insecure idiots you know, and somehow, like a moth to the flame,  they’ve found each other.

5. The couple who is practically having sex on the table at your dinner party. Oh, these two. Did you forget they’re a couple? How could you, since they’ve constantly got their tongues shoved in each others orifices.

6. The couple who won’t do anything without the other one. You invite her for brunch. He shows up with her. Did you want to get drunk on mimosas and talk about the latest episode of “Dancing With The Stars” with Greg? Probably not. But there he is.

7. The couple that is completely devoid of PDA, but then you find out they have a crazy good sex life. Sometimes you wonder what keeps these two together, because their spark isn’t obvious. And then she lets it slip that they’ve been having regular marathon bang sessions that leave her in bed all weekend, and you’re like, “whaaaaat?”

8. The couple which is obviously gunning to be a “power couple.” These two are drawn to each other because they see the obvious ambition and social-climbing capabilities of one another. They’re the first couple to split up and try and take over a room at a party, or try and manipulate the social scene they operate in.

9. The couple that baby talks almost all the time. “You’re my Professor Cuddlekins”. “I love my Katy-Wady”. "I can't live without my Shmoopy Puddin Pop". Come on. Fess up, you’ve done it too.

10. The couple where one is obviously more intelligent/more attractive/way nicer than the other. You can’t understand why she’s dating him, because he seems so dumb. You just don’t get what he sees in her. But there they are, happy as clams, defying evolution and the general laws of the universe.

11. The couple that still lives like they’re in college. How do these two keep at it with the drugs and the partying and the eating pizza 12 times a week?

12. The couple who could both do better, but stay together because they’re afraid. Loneliness is one hell of a drug, and it’s what keeps these two together, despite the creeping feeling that they should really just break up.

13. The couple that are best friends, but probably nothing more. The love is there, but the passion is gone.

14. The couple who is really into being a team.  They love stuff like trivia nights, softball teams and silly summer faux-lympics because it gives them a chance to show off "how well they work together". These guys usually like throwing dinner parties too. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

15. The couple where one person is clearly more invested than the other. He keeps subtly dropping hints about how he’d like to move across the country, without his girlfriend. Meanwhile, the girlfriend is picking out engagement rings.

16. The couple whose every move is documented via their social networking profiles. These two want the entire world to know how much they love each other. All the time. All up on your Facebook wall or in your Twitter feed. Get a room already.

Thanks for letting me rant and get that off my chest. I feel better now...

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Snoop Through His Phone At Your Own Risk

Today's guest blogger, Ahyiana Angel has started a new blog called "Life According to Her". Great writer, along with with some great material. Give a read on a subject men and women both struggle with: phone privacy, temptation, and finding what you're looking for...

You have your suspicions and that phone of his is staring up at you from the side table next to the bed. It’s practically screaming your name vying to get your attention. You stare in its direction for far too long then your good sense kicks in and you ask yourself, do I really want to snoop in his phone? This is where things can get tricky. You need to make sure that you are real with yourself. The minute that you decide to sneak around and riffle through your partner’s cell phone you are making a statement. You don’t have trust in your relationship—at least not on your end. When you decide to embark on a search and seizure mission you have to be emotionally prepared for what you may find. 

One morning I went looking and I found exactly what I was looking for, signs of deception. Our relationship was rocky and admittedly on its last leg. I wanted it to be right, but we had gone through so many ups and downs that I was barely hanging on. He was running late for work and he’d left his gym bag in the backseat of his car. I volunteered to grab it for him. As if a sign from the universe, on queue, as I slid into the driver side the cell phone that I didn’t know was in his car chimed. Naturally I picked it up from the center console. As I held this treasure of information in my hand I looked at the screen. I couldn’t resist. It was almost as though he wanted me to look through his phone because it wasn’t locked! My palms were starting to sweat and I was petrified of being found out but I scrolled fast and managed to speed read through kinky message exchanges with “Veronica,” emails with some other chick and the line that caught my attention and dropped my jaw, “I couldn’t do it, I’m going to keep my baby.” Pause...baby??? On that note, I was done. I needed that final slap of reality to make me walk. My mission was complete but I sat in a daze with the doors closed and the windows rolled up on a warm sunny morning. Sweat began to form on my face but my hands felt too numb to reach and wipe the moisture away.

Out of the eerie silence there was a jarring tap on the window. My heart thumped and the phone fell into my lap. I was scared to look in the direction of the noise. I’m busted! Dang it! I tried to channel my inner gangsta before turning to face him and his lies. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and turned with rage. I was ready for war. I flung the door open and almost knocked down this little old lady in her moo moo. She’d hopped out of her dark blue Buick in the hopes of having found a spot to move her car for street sweeping. I frantically apologized and explained that I wasn’t leaving. I ran back to the apartment to face my liar.

If you go looking, then you and your heart better be ready. So when should you go looking through your partner’s phone? When you are ready to walk away. If you find the evidence of an unfaithful partner, which is what you were looking for, right? You better be ready to call it quits in my opinion. If not, what are you searching for? If you are not ready to take action then why put yourself through the torture of snooping, finding something out, then getting upset and confronting your partner only to end up right where you started…not trusting that person. Oh, and I guarantee given what you learned the first time around, if you don’t peace out, you will be snooping again real soon.

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