Saturday, December 22, 2012

Look for Love, or Look for Marriage

It is widely assumed that all single women (and to a lesser extent, single men) are looking for love and marriage. But according to a recent national survey of single adults (age 21 and older), the times they are a changing. When asked, “Do you want to get married?” 34.5% said yes, 27% said no, and 38.5% were uncertain. Being single isn’t the stigma that it used to be. In fact, staying single seems to be an option that more and more “singles” are accepting and even embracing.

But that’s just the beginning of the story. It turns out that most singles do value being in a relationship. When asked, “Which of the following statements best describes your attitude toward seeking a relationship?” the survey found that 12.7% were actively seeking a relationship, and 46.8% weren’t actively looking, but were open to the possibility if they met the right person (apparently, they expect their next love to come knocking on their front door unannounced). 16.9% of those surveyed are currently dating someone. So that means 76.4% of single adults are either in relationships, looking for a relationship or ready to start a relationship with the right person. If this survey is accurate, about twice as many single adults are looking for love as looking for marriage.

Does that describe the single adults that you know? Are most of your single women friends looking for love, but only about half of them hoping that their love blossoms into the ultimate relationship commitment of marriage? That certainly sounds accurate to me. I know quite a few singles, both men and women, who miss having a romantic partner. But some of these same singles aren’t very interested in the whole marriage thing anymore. Yes, they still want a committed relationship, but they don’t necessarily need the big wedding, gold ring and the marriage license. But what if marriage IS important to you? What if you are looking for love AND marriage? What if you are one of those “old fashioned” adults (like me), who thinks the ultimate goal of a loving relationship is to find someone that you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with?

Then my humble advice is don’t settle! Contrary to common belief, there are still plenty of men who want to fall in love, get married and live happily together into old age. So as you and the wonderful person you're dating start “getting serious” and the time is right, don’t be afraid to talk about the “m-word". If marriage is important to you, then it’s important to talk about marriage with the man or woman you love. But don’t talk about it right away in the dating process. Many first, second and third dates have crashed and burned because some women jump the gun, get all mushy and reveal their desire to get married some day. After all, we're talking about men here, and we all know how easily they get scared and run away. I'm just kidding, but only a little...

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