Happy Birthday, Now Share The Love!

Go shorty, it’s your birthday. Well actually, it’s my birthday today! And in honor of this special day, I thought I  would write about birthdays in the world of relationships. Birthdays are fun and exciting, but they can also be hard to navigate when dating someone. There can be a lot of pressure around certain holidays, especially birthdays. 

Cards, Cards, Cards! One of the most important things to remember is to get your lover a BIRTHDAY CARD. Some people forget this step because they themselves aren’t ‘card people.’ However, most people love a good card, especially the person you’re dating. When you give your date a birthday present, you want to hand him or her the whole ‘package’ – this means a card as well. When searching for the perfect card, you have two options… If you’re not the best with the written word, find a card that expresses how you feel. Or, if you’re great with words, then find a simple card or a blank one and have your way with it. Your partner will appreciate that you put in the extra effort to get a card. 

It's The Thought That Counts. One of the hardest things about birthdays is thinking of that perfect gift to give your partner. It’s not easy, especially if you’ve been with that person for a while. In this case, you should go with the old saying, ‘it’s the thought that counts.’ Sure, a gift card is great and fun to spend, but nothing beats a thoughtful gift. You have to think hard about the person you are with. If it helps, write down a list of interests of your significant other and then go at it with Google, Etsy or Pinterest. Get creative! 

Know your Partner. Everybody feels differently about their birthday. Some people love this day of celebration, while others don’t fancy the attention. Forget how you feel about your birthday, it’s important to consider how your significant other wants to enjoy the day. So if your girlfriend or boyfriend isn’t all about it, then celebrate in a smaller, more intimate way. But, if your partner appreciates being the Birthday Queen or King, then either go big or go home. 

But in all seriousness, I can't stress this enough, don't treat the birthday like it's any other day. You will go farther in his heart and mind because you took the time to say and do something for him. In the end, isn't that what is really important? 

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How To Find Your Happiness Before You Find Your Love

I believe that the secret to happiness is looking within. I received some advice from an old friend who said, “You can’t ask anyone to love you, if you don’t love yourself.” For a while, I tried to answer questions about why I couldn’t find something that clicked with me. I found that I didn’t love myself. So I did something that a lot of people don’t do, or won't willingly do on their own. When I left my last relationship, I wanted to start over again with my ex wife LaShaun, but it doesn't work quite the way you see in the movies with the happy ending. I found out that I had to experience some time by myself. LaShaun wasn't going to magically fall in my arms at the thought of me choosing her over someone else. There was work to do, so I was alone for a while and I remembered my friends advice and decided to work on learning to love myself. When I came out of my relationship recluse, I felt anew and I felt that I was ready to at least positively pursue her again, but during the next year alone I realized that with or without someone else, things would be just fine. Now I have to admit that it is unheard of for a man to be alone for a long period of time, and there were times that I was tempted...just like any man would be. But it was during this time alone that I had to really grow up for the sake of the bigger picture that I wanted: I wanted LaShaun, I wanted LaShaun and Jonathan, I wanted family with LaShaun and Jonathan. Any man of lesser stock would've just got what he wanted physically from whomever was offering, and happily went on about his relationship pursuing business. I know this for a fact because that man of lesser stock was at one time, me...

In that time that I spent searching for love in myself I learned to ask myself five important questions.

1. What do you want? – Ask yourself, what do you really want? Stop worrying about what everyone else wants for you, stop worrying about what would look best for you, just focus on what you want.
2. Are you willing to ask for it? – Humility is key. The meek shall inherit the earth but it starts with realizing that you need to ask for what you want. Then after you ask for it, you have to stand firm in your inquiry. Don’t shy away from asking a tough question to your potential mate, and be willing to risk it all if they won’t give it to you.
3. Are you willing to earn it? – There are no handouts in the game of love and war. Everything worth having is earned. You have to dedicate yourself day in and day out to put in the work to earn what you want. If you want a good person then you have to be a good person yourself.
4. Do you deserve it? – Do we know our worth? A lot of us think that we do, but we have to ask ourselves what do we deserve. Everyone tells themselves they deserve the best but that’s a broad stroke. We have to position ourselves to be where we are ready to receive everything that is for us. At times, we don’t deserve it and we have work to do.
5. What are you willing to sacrifice? – It can't always be about you and what you believe is right. You have to let go of the ideology that you have to be accepted "as is". Sacrifice is compromise, it’s simply giving it up or letting it go for the greater good. How can you get out of the way of yourself? At times, the answer is sacrifice. Giving up what may seem so precious to us is key to accepting what others have to give.

These are the questions I asked myself. I wonder what would happen if we all spent more time in self-examination instead of searching for the answers from everyone else. The answers to our happiness are clearly within. If you are happy with yourself then you don’t look for someone else to make you happy, you just live it...

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Debating The 90 Day Rule

I can’t remember where I saw it, whether it was on Twitter or one of the blogs that I follow, but the topic was what a woman should think about a guy if he hasn’t tried to have sex with her in 90 days. Women were lined up ready to assassinate the man for waiting. If he wasn’t having sex with her, then he must be having sex with someone else. I had to throw out my relationship violation flag when they concluded: If a man waits 90 days to have sex with a woman, he’s cheating. If a woman waits 90 days to have sex with a man, she’s being wise.

What the hell??? Does that sound completely out of order to anybody other than me? Basically, this points out an inherent flaw in the birds and the bees. It comes down to the expectation that if a man is doing something seemingly respectful or nice, he must be up to no good. Not only is she thinking that he’s up to no good, but her friends are thinking it, her mama is thinking it, and her ex-boyfriend is in her ear telling her that he’s up to no good. It’s that line of thinking that makes a lot of men think it’s not worth it to be a good guy. 

I’ve always wondered where the skepticism in men comes from in women. Not only the skepticism, but the thought process behind believing that women generally possess better character traits than men. In this case, that it’s possible for women to be celibate for 90 days to ensure she’s making the right decision. However when men do it, they’re just waiting their time, while they get their fix from somewhere else. Here’s a theory; what if she doesn’t want to have sex with more than one guy at a time? Imagine that. Imagine if when a woman waited 90 days to have sex with a man he automatically thought, “Well you know how women are with their sexual partners, she's probably still doing somebody else.” Women would be flat out upset with men for thinking it. Moreover, I think I speak for a whole lot of people reading this when I say yes, it sometimes happens...but let’s move on. There are several reasons why a man might wait 90 days to have sex with a woman that don’t have a thing to do with him sleeping with other women:

1. He’s to the point in his life where he has grown from a boy to a man, and realizes that sex changes things.
   
2. He knows that once he sleeps with this woman, she’s going to consider him to be in a relationship and he’s not sure that he wants that.
   
3. He thinks that she might be "The One" and he doesn’t want to ruin it by having sex with her. 
   
   Random story: I actually did have sex early on with a woman once, and then after about two months she just stopped calling, texting and responding to messages. When I finally caught up with her and asked her why she disappeared she told me that she wanted to be in a relationship and didn’t want to just have sex with someone anymore. One problem, I actually really liked this woman. She didn’t know that, but she figured that since we had sex early on, that was all I wanted out of that situationship. Take from this random story whatever you want, but I’m just saying…

I guess the main point of the relationship lesson I’m stressing here is that it’s totally unfair for women to think that men are wolves in sheep’s clothing when they’re not trying to jump their bones from the beginning of the relationship. And the second point is just because a woman is waiting for 90 days to sleep with a man doesn’t mean that she’s innocent and making a wise decision; she might possibly be doing her dirt too. Who knows? Enjoy your weekend, party hard, drink responsibly, drive safely, tip your waitresses and be safe. Next week begins the my birthday week, so there will be plenty of interesting things to talk about next time...

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Words Can Speak Loud Too!

I have to admit, for a long time I have been fueled by hearing someone say "I love you" to me. To me, it's like the greatest emotional rush you could ever feel. For a man, for this man, I'm feeling like I'm on top of the world! With that said, I've also struggled emotionally not hearing those words said, especially when I've done everything I knew how to prove my love to her. As I've gotten older, I've learned a few things along the way: Just because our significant other does not say the actual words “I love you” as often as we would like, it doesn't mean they don't care deeply for us. They just show it rather than breathing air to us. We've become so caught up in what they did not say instead of realizing maybe...just maybe, they have been showing it to us all along. When we understand that men show their care by doing, and women show their care more by expressing through word, it will ease our relationship confusions and doubts. Take a step back and think about how much of the little gestures that are made from our significant others. Does he or she show they care if they don't express the words, “I love you“ by saying:

Here, take my sweater. 

Drive safely. 

Text me when you get home. 

Good luck with your job today. 

I’ll pray for you. 

Watch your step!

I believe in you. 

Are you okay? 

I miss you. 

How was your day?

Good night beautiful.

Good morning handsome man. 

All of the phrases above are indicators of love. I've always been able to give out this kind of love, but just recently I've been open to receiving this love, and not just taking it the traditional way. We all must learn how to listen for them. If we expect others to love the way we love, we will never find happiness in what is directly in front of us. If you lose the expectations, then you'll lose the disappointment too. Just because they might love differently, does not mean they do not love us. Different does not mean non-existent, different just means individuality. If everyone simply said those three words everyday all day to us, would that not be boring and predictable after a while? Don't get me wrong, I've learned the value of love and I am not endorsing anyone replace saying with doing, but together they make for one powerful weapon of mass destruction.

So lets learn to start listening to love. Lets absorb all of its glory around us when we're around those who care for us.  It does not always have to be words for us to know we are loved, they can be actions. Yes, how you express your love in your words can be just as powerful...

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Are You Ready For a New Relationship?

So, how do you know if you’re ready for a new relationship? Is it a feeling? Is it perfect timing, or do you just know? Feelings, timing and the inexplicable are not reliable indicators that you’re ready for a new relationship. Sure, you may have made decisions in the past based on one or all of them, but it doesn’t mean they led you to make the right decisions. Why? Because feelings, timing and the inexplicable are all surface level indicators, and in many cases they are temporary. You can feel one way today and feel the complete opposite way tomorrow. If the timing is “perfect” right now, what does that make it a second from now, a minute from now, or even an hour from now? What exactly is it that we “know” and why can’t we clearly explain it?

Deciding whether to enter into a relationship or not requires time, thought and exploration beyond the surface and all the way to the root.

What’s the root? You are the root.

Your present.

Your past.

Your pain.

Your joy.

Your baggage.

Your memories.

As you explore the root, you must develop love, peace and patience. Love for your Creator, yourself and others. Peace within yourself and with all that you’ve endured throughout your life. Patience to not rush the process or your journey.

Relationships and companionships are both remarkable, but I truly believe we limit them, ourselves and others when we enter into them without exercising wisdom.

Wisdom tells us to slow down, take time for ourselves, heal completely, think twice and don’t act irrationally. It’s time that we listen. Yes, we desire a relationship and we may even be ready for one, but don’t we owe it to ourselves and our potential new partner to at least ask ourselves a few questions before entering into a new relationship? Personally, I think that’s the least we can do.

1. Have you ever invested time to ask yourself a few questions before entering into a new relationship? 
2. How do you know when you’re ready to enter into a new relationship? 
3. What things do you consider before making that decision? 

So, how do you know if you're ready for a new relationship? Only you can answer that...

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The Art of the Situationship (Guest Blogger)

I received an email from a reader who wanted to remain anonymous. She felt the need to address a few things that I wrote about, so who am I to turn away the opportunity for a reader to give her view on the situationship she finds herself in. For the record, a "situationship" involves two people, but is defined as a one sided relationship. Usually under-defined by the one who loves less and over-defined by the other who loves more. A series of confusing, sex having, feeling catching events that lead up to almost certain disappointment... 

Last week I got a phone call from someone I used to kick it with. We had not spoken for quite some time, ever since I decided we needed some boundaries. I will call him "Sam" for the purposes of this post. I can’t really say he was my boyfriend and he was more than just a booty call, but it was all rather perplexing to be honest. Whenever someone asked us, we always referred to it as "our situation". That came about one night when we were watching the Chelsea Handler show and her interview with T.I., when Chelsea asked T.I. about his relationship with Tiny (his girlfriend) he referred to it as a "significant situation". No matter how much she pushed it, T.I. just stuck with calling her a "situation".

Hmm, this thing was starting to sound a bit familiar to me. I never pushed "Sam" to clearly define our relationship because I was too afraid it would feel like an ultimatum. While I didn’t love what we had, I did love him and I wanted to keep him. So I willingly became the "SITUATIONSHIP" I heard you once talk about, hoping that one day it would convert to a relationship.  Fast forward a couple of years and nothing had changed. It finally clicked that "Sam" had no intention of doing anything other than keeping our connection as a convenient situation. One day I got the nerve to just put it all on the table. I asked him flat out, what did he want. This is the cliff notes version of what he said he wanted:

• No Commitment
• No Obligations
• No Responsibilities
• No Accountability

REALLY??!! That was the final straw, I discovered that I was what you described as a ZERO CALORIE SUBSTITUTE. "Sam" was just biding his time to get what he needed until what he wanted came along. Just the thought of it all chiseled away at my sizable self confidence, and for a short time I even doubted my own value. I put my brain through a pea shooter with the ‘why not me?’ kind of questions. It was pure torture in the beginning, but I can say it was one of the most painful and best lessons of my life. I’m thinking I’m a bit wiser for it all too.

So back to the phone call. "Sam" wanted to have lunch, but I declined. I decided to take you up on your challenge to Rethink My Position, but I’m still not quite ready to see him face to face. I’m not sure that I’m strong enough not to sling shot back into his arms. What I believe I know is that I have no intention of being in another situationship as long as I live. I think I’m worth all the security of a relationship and I’m willing to wait, and that’s the TRUTH! Thanks for your blog and your help Mr. Randle, and stay peachy!

I've been in situationships before, and I am a leading advocate for the death of all situationships worldwide! If you wish to be considered as a guest writer, feel free to email me at myrelationshiplessons@gmail.com.

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When The Ex Is NOT The Ex...

It’s really confusing when you’re trying to establish something with someone who hasn’t quite moved past their last relationship. At times, they haven’t even broken up with the person they’re dating. They just begin another situationship with you hoping for some type of lateral move in the future. This is confusing and whether this may be a person that they have been in a relationship with or even a marriage they are on the way to divorce court, there are signs they aren’t really out of that situation. There’s good news, I’ve compiled a quick list of the signs that they haven’t broke it off with their past. Watch out for these signs and others to keep you in the clear.

1. Refusing to date someone else seriously – People will take dates. We’ve all done it before. We take a date and go out to see if we’re feeling it, but we can’t commit to trusting the process and moving on. If the person you’re dating absolutely abhors the idea of seeing someone else seriously, they’ve probably got someone waiting in the wings.
2. Continuing to have sex – Dead giveaway. You know that friend very well; the one who keeps sleeping with her “ex.” That’s not her ex, that’s her man. They make up silly excuses like it’s just sex, but in reality what they really mean is that they haven’t broken up that’s just the rumor they’re sprinkling.
3. Still telling stories about them – The thing about the person you’re dating is that almost all of your stories will revolve around them. While someone may tell you they are no longer dating their significant other if their stories still include them, they’re lying. We all understand you’ve spent some time with the person but let it go.
4. Haven’t admitted why it went wrong – Another sign that it’s not over is when the person can’t articulate why it went wrong and what part both parties played in the disaster. They’ll keep making up loosely connected stories in hopes that you’ll just drop it and move on. A real break up doesn’t really occur until you’ve reached a conclusion and learned to deal with that.
5. Still communicating regularly – Sigh… If she’s still taking his calls every day, or he’s still making it a point to text her “good morning” and “good night” it’s not over. They might be on some type of “break” but it’s surely not over when they talk regularly. I will say that it’s okay to talk every now and then once you’ve become friends but there is no reason to talk to your “ex” everyday if you all are no longer dating.

Let me pre-emptively say, these could all be signs of a person who is actually single and over the relationship, but mature enough to handle this arrangement. What I’m telling you is that it’s a sure tell sign that they’re probably still in the relationship. I’m not a big supporter of ultimatums but you may have to ask the person you’re considering dating to check the boxes on all these signs before you consider seriously dating. If not, don’t be surprised if you end up being a fling and they go back to who they were with before you came along...

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Rethink Your Position

I’ve been doing some thinking over the weekend and I’ve stumbled upon this blatantly obvious conclusion: in life we always have a choice. Once I heard someone say, “what is each day, but a series of conflicts between the right way, and the easy way”. This statement in itself, couldn’t hold more truth. Every single day we're faced with the choice to do things the right way, or the easy way. It’s easy to push the snooze button and catch up on some sleep, however you're neglecting the responsibilities of your day when you do this. Remember, you set your alarm for a reason, not just because you wanted your new favorite song or ringtone to jolt you awake. Now this is a situation where it isn’t a moral wrong, and it isn’t even necessarily a big deal. The point I’m making is every decision we make has consequences. I want to challenge you today, I want to challenge you to “Rethink Your Position”. Now this is a little challenge I’ve come up with on my own, so needless to say, I’ll be on this journey right along with you. 

Over the weekend I told my friends on Facebook about a person who was in a grocery store just mad at everyone in there. He was embarrassing himself with his foolishness, but when I asked him to "rethink his position"...he did, he apologized, and he left. But God was apparently talking to me on the ride home, telling me to do some rethinking of my own position as well. The very next day I came face to face with my ex wife, not LaShaun...my last ex. Ok God, what are you up to here? When we divorced, we both were angry people. Back then, the further I was away from her, the better off I felt. That was my position (the easy way, not the right way), and I had no problem with embracing that decision. God however, has a much better way of working for my better good, even when I personally couldn't see it. I can be transparent here and admit that back then, I really couldn't see it. As I stood face to face with her, God says again to "rethink your position" and I am. Growing up is necessary if you want personal movement, and I want to grow. We exchanged pleasantries, even talked for a moment, and we both came away wanting what's best for each other...clearly because we both had to rethink our position.

The goal in this challenge is simple: be better, do better, and simply rethink things. You want to improve your body? Workout smarter and harder and make wise choices with what you choose to nourish your body with. You want to improve your intellect? Awesome, have at it! Challenge yourself with ideas and theories, ponder on anything you’re confused about, and read from those smarter and wiser than you. The possibilities are endless, and they should be because after you've finished “rethinking” one area of your life, you can move on to another. I mentioned fitness, and intellect, but that is just the tip of the iceberg. This can be very effective in your relationships, both present and past. Cultivate tact, improve your etiquette, develop humility, increase your empathy, and stop being so mad. The list goes on and on, and that is okay, because we can and should always find a way to work on ourselves.

The relationship lesson today is clear: the only thing standing between where you are and where you want to be, are the choices you’re making. If you think you can’t do something, you’ve already failed, because your attitude will determine your altitude. So not only am I challenging you today, I’m asking you, why settle for less than you can be? Why stay mad at your ex when you can rethink your position and move on? I’m daring you to strive for more, because you are capable of more. You are a wonderfully created human being in the image of God himself, don’t ever forget that. Don’t stand with the crowd when the crowd isn’t going anywhere. If you try to blend in with society, you will get lost in the shuffle of drugs, alcohol, constant swearing, being angry at your ex, and be involved in a culture where “hooking-up” is acceptable. If society isn’t doing what is right, then don’t do what society is doing. Rethink your position and be different! I’m not trying to sound cliché when I say this, but together, we can honestly change the world, but it takes a choice...either the right one or the easy one. It takes you making that one decision to say you don’t want to be like everyone else, you don’t want to blend in because you know you were born to stand out. It takes you choosing to rethink your position, and in turn helping those around you do the same. All it takes is you choosing to make one decision...

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Love's Perfect Timing (Guest Blogger)

Today's guest blogger coming to the worldwide Relationship Lessons stage is Vincent Taylor Alton from Toronto, Canada, and he submitted his lesson to me and I shared with a few people before publishing it. We all came away believing the timing of love is not like anything else out there.  It just might be that "Love's #1 Fan" could have a little competition for that title after all... 

If you were to tell me ten years ago, or even 6 months ago that I would be madly in love with the girl that I am with now, I would never have believed you. I would have told you that you were crazy. But love doesn’t always happen the way we imagine it. Although our first date was good, the next few months were not. We were very far apart in our understanding of each other and had allowed our reservations and assumptions to ruin things. Both of us were scared of the idea of a relationship; we were quick to judge each other and came to preconceived conclusions about the potentiality of the relationship. Relationships can be finicky at the start, there’s a lot of room for error. Attraction can quickly subside and it’s easy to give up when difficulties arise. 

Around this time I remember feeling the need to make a decision of whether to end it or invest in it whole-heartedly before giving up. My insecurities aside, the fact I’m writing this obviously means I chose to throw caution to the wind, and I’m glad that I did. If you can work through the difficulties, they will bring you closer together and help formulate a deeper understanding of each other. I believe this was the case for us. As we came out of the woods, everything became much better. Recently we were sitting on a bench seat at a restaurant, and her hand was rubbing my lower back. In that moment I realized I could see myself with her for a long time. She was someone I wanted to be with and take a chance on. It wasn’t gravitation that was responsible for me falling in love, and in the moment I wasn’t sure what it was. Ah, love doesn’t need to make sense...does it? Sometimes it involves merely uncorking the imagination and bottling the common sense. I couldn’t be happier with where we are in our relationship; it’s scary, yet exciting. 

I thoroughly enjoy spending time with her and trying new things. For example, she recently took me to my first baseball game! She looked absolutely stunning in her short heels, dark jeans, a light blue jacket with a loose hanging white shirt underneath and baseball hat I had just bought her. In that moment, it was as if she and I were the only ones in the stadium, I felt like I had fallen in love with her all over again. I don’t know what the future holds, and that’s okay. Love is about committing yourself with no guarantees. At the time, Thanksgiving was coming up and I was thankful for every moment we shared. I feel most alive these days and I don’t really know whether my elation comes from the qualities that I love in her, or from how she makes me feel. Whether the glow that surrounds her comes from me, comes from her, or comes from us together. Love never happens the way we seem to think it does. Love is a continuous journey filled with all kinds of experiences, there will be great times and hard times; don’t expect it to be easy. In the joyous mess that is life, it’s obvious the journey is not meant to be done alone. May you find someone to love and do life with. I know whom and what I have with her is special, and I cherish it very much. I look forward to falling in love with her again and again.

Well...there you have it, love from the male perspective. It doesn't always come the way you expect it, but it always comes exactly the way you need it. Well done Vincent, well done indeed! 

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Men Who Are Not Relationship Ready

Everyone knows that we all have issues. The best test of one’s character is how they are able to resolve these issues without totally losing control of their lives. Some people have mastered it, others…not so much. When men invest their emotions into something and it crumbles, it’s extremely difficult for them to overcome the situation. When it comes to selecting a male companion, it’s important to identify men who are mentally suitable for a relationship. While it can be difficult to instantaneously identify a man who has unresolved issues, there are things that men do that reveal they are unfit for relationships. Check out the three types of men who are unfit for relationships below:

1. A man who lacks ambition. A man without a plan is a lost man. A man with a plan and no ambition is a lazy man. Even if a man makes a lower annual salary than his female partner, it is still imperative that his actions reveal a consistent, resilient work ethic. A man who sells dreams is a man who needs to be by himself until he learns how to go out and create opportunities for himself.
2. A man who has an addiction. It is far more challenging for men to overcome addictions in comparison to women. This is especially true as it pertains to drug and alcohol abuse. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, men are twice as likely as women to meet the criteria for drug addiction in their lifetime. No matter what the addiction, women should avoid men who are addicts at all costs. 
3. A man who has too much pride. There is absolutely no room for pride and an ego in relationships. Testosterone in men drives them to reign supreme. As a result, it can be challenging for them to fall in love because love requires them to submit to their relationship in some form or fashion. Men who aren’t willing to take the risk of falling in love aren’t fit for relationships. While heartbreak can be painful, fear is even more dangerous.

Women Who Are Not Relationship Ready

No matter what anyone says, everyone wants companionship. That companionship can be created with anyone but no matter who it’s with, we all want it. The same way there are some people who are unfit for parenting; there are also people who are unfit for relationships. As it pertains to women, who scientifically speaking, are more receptive to loving and nurturing beings than men, there are some who have so many loose ties from their past, that these things still haunt them in their future. At some point and time, they may have had their heart broken by a man; they may have never seen men and women interact with one another in a loving way. Some just don’t know how to be a loving partner in a relationship, or they may have also been taught that the world is centered around them and anyone who doesn’t agree with that is irrelevant. No matter what sparked uncomfortable situations in these women’s lives, unless they find the necessary path to overcome those obstacles, they will always be unfit for a relationship. Check out the three examples of women who not relationship ready below:

1. The woman who wants to think like a man. Any heterosexual woman who believes thinking like a man is the best way to securing a relationship with a man is wrong. Thinking like a man will only attract other women to you. If that’s what you’re seeking, by all means continue to do what you’re doing. If that’s not what you’re seeking, then be a woman. Men love women who embrace their femininity. There’s nothing wrong with being nice, soft, and happy. Those things are what bring balance to men who are easily angered due to testosterone. Think like a woman and act like one too.
2. The woman who believes being “independent” requires her to be single. Due to mainstream media and their misleading promotion of the “independent woman”, many women have been brainwashed to believe that once they’re in a relationship, they lose their independence. Any sound person knows that you can very well maintain your independence in a relationship, respectfully of course. Besides, there aren’t too many men who look forward to taking care of a woman who doesn’t want to do anything with her life except mooch off of him.
3. The woman who has a bad attitude. Women with bad attitudes are like a cancer, they walk into a room and zap all of the positive energy out of it. There’s no reason why anyone should walk around with a permanent “mean mug” on their face, especially not a woman. Whatever is causing you to be so angry that you wake up with a self-induced attitude, please visit a therapist to tackle the root of the problem. No one, man or woman, wants to be around someone with a nasty attitude.

Next time, men who are not relationship ready...

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Men and Loyalty

Last time, I wrote a blog helping men gauge a woman’s loyalty to them. As I mentioned in that piece, it is important to understand that the relationship works independent of the individuals in it. In other words, you have your pride and ego, his pride and ego, and then the relationship. The relationship only lasts contingent upon the amount of pride and ego the persons in it are willing to decrease. With this in mind, you do not want to gauge a man’s loyalty to you, as an individual, you want to gauge his loyalty to the relationship that you share with him. While there are many ways to test one’s loyalty, below are three ways you can gauge your man’s loyalty to the relationship:

He doesn’t mind being a “punk” for you. Single men give their friends who are in relationships a hard time. Unlike women, who oftentimes encourage each other to keep a relationship, men tend to want to dismantle their friends’ relationships or not acknowledge it at all. When this occurs, peer pressure or conflict can arise. If your man does not mind being called a “punk,” “weak,” or even a “mítch” by his friends for being in love with you, this is a sign of his loyalty to the relationship. If he is willing to shut down his friends for suggesting that he sleep with someone else or not call you when he said he’d call, he is willing to put his pride aside and proclaim his loyalty and love to the relationship.

He does what he says he is going to do. We’re all familiar with the “actions speak louder than words” adage, but how many of us know people who actually do what they say they’re going to do? Consider yourself lucky if you can count on two hands how many people actually do what they say they’re going to do. A man who is loyal to the relationship respects you so much that he rarely ever breaks his promises. If he tells you he will call you before he goes to sleep, he calls. If he tells you he’ll grab you something to eat and be by your home at 8pm, he walks in your home with a meal. If he tells you that he’ll take care of you, he works hard to keep his word. He is willing to do whatever it takes to maintain tranquility in the relationship. He doesn’t sell you dreams and he doesn’t over commit himself. He does what he says and says what he can do.

He knows he can live life without you, but he’d rather not. He knows that nothing is promised in relationships, but he does the best he can to provide you with the security and stability you need to know that he doesn’t plan on going anywhere. With that said, he doesn’t discourage you from hanging out with your friends. He doesn’t try to keep you busy so that you don’t see your family. He knows that your ability to have a balanced social life with friends and family is what will make you further appreciate him. When you’re talking to your single friends and cousins and they’re sharing their dating and relationship issues with you, he knows that this social time will only make you appreciate him more. He knows if you were to leave him, he’d have to move on and find someone else, but he’d prefer to be with you.

This is my take on loyalty, but I'm sure there are more. If you have any you'd like to share, feel free to leave them in the comment below... 

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