Have you ever heard a friend say “I don’t have time to waste dating the wrong man”? Maybe you’ve thought this yourself. Ladies, do you consider yourself:
- A super busy successful woman with a crazy schedule?
- A single mom juggling career and family?
- A woman closing in on 40 with your a biological clock ticking?
Whatever the reasons you feel pressured by a severe time crunch may be, you simply don’t have time to waste with the wrong man. Really, who does? As a dating coach, I can tell you that I can practically guarantee endorsing this way of thinking is dramatically limiting your ability to find the right man. So many of my clients tell me they don’t want to waste time dating the wrong men. Even having a glass of wine or cup of coffee for one hour is more than they're willing to invest. This reasoning would explain why they have so few dates, because not many men can meet their extensive criteria. Only the best men will do because settling is not an option. So why waste time with the wrong man? But my question would be, how do you know who the right man is? Yes, you have some ideas about men, but what if you are basing your choices on snap judgments and not reality?
Please know that I say this with the utmost kindness and your best interest at heart. My hope is that you will permit this message to gently seep into your consciousness so that you can absorb it and apply it to your dating life to find the love you want. Each man you meet brings you one step closer to the right man for you. Most men have something to offer even if its simply the hilarious story of your disastrous or boring date to be shared with your girlfriends. Each guy represents an opportunity to practice your conversation and flirting skills. He’s giving you the chance to perfect the art of being a delightful woman. The kind of woman is who an amazing man would really go for. This is like field training and there is absolutely no substitute for the experience you gain in action. You are in no way wasting your time, not even a minute of it.
Here is what happens when you are hyper-selective about the men you will meet. You don’t go out on dates as often. You will likely not meet enough men to find a good match, and won’t be at your best when you do meet them. When you do go on a date, you complain afterwards about every guy and lump him into a huge pile of unsatisfactory men. You start to feel disdain for men in general. You dread the entire dating process, which makes you that much more selective. This way of thinking feeds on itself, and is sadly toxic. If you feel dating is a waste of time, how will you practice being your best flirty self with a man you don’t know? You can’t just turn it on when you meet the perfect guy because you need to be skilled, which only comes with putting in the time. Its just like you maybe practicing the piano, or me definitely practicing my golf swing.
Now I'll admit, you do need to have some base line criteria for what makes a man "date-able". Some qualities provide the foundation for a good relationship. You want to date men who are single and available. Men who are relationship ready, definitely of the same religion or political views and can take care of himself financially. These are very important considerations which make sense. I’m simply talking about being SO selective that no one makes the grade. This is what inhibits many women from finding love, but as it is in relationships, there are no short cuts to meeting Mr. Right
The truth is, sometimes you can’t tell exactly who the right man is until you give him a shot. In this past year, I have seen this happen over and over again. Women often think they know precisely the kind of man they want, but will that frame of thinking work in the real world? Does he even exist? The only way to know is to meet a variety of men so you can make sure. The right man is out there waiting to meet you, but he can’t find you if you refuse to do your part to cross his path. This is the advise I share with my relationship coaching clients. Find a way to acknowledge that each date is a practice session to hone your dating skills. Even if the guy is a dud, the good news is that you found a way to relax, to be yourself and to be delightful. Feel proud of your willingness to do what is necessary, because that is what it will take to achieve your goal of finding the right man and the love you dreamed of...
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3 comments:
This is great. I say this too often, Im not trying to waste my time. wow... how will i know unless i give him a shot? good blog... thanks for the insight. :)
Trolling thru different blogs and landed on your site. Good blog good buddy. Keep dropping knowledge - Ben
Wow!! I say this a lot and I mean it. lol
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