The Power of the Single Parent

I truly believe that when a child is living in a home that is free of tension, fighting and anxiety, that child has the best chance to blossom as a young person. Not only do I think that divorce can be justified for the sake of the children, in some situations it is the better thing to do for the children. As part of the American Dream, we’re supposed to have this perfect family: a fulfilling marriage, three kids, an ugly SUV in the driveway, and everything perfect under the roof of that house. That fantasy just isn’t a reality for the majority of us. Under the roof of many Americans homes lives a family filled with tension, where the children are not blossoming even though they are excelling in class, taking part in wonderful after-school activities, and playing in safe wholesome neighborhoods. These children are not blossoming because, at home, their parents are at each others’ throats.

I have faith in single parenthood, and I’m a firm believer in single parenthood. Some of you may be thinking: "oh God, this guy is just trying to break up the American family”. I'm absolutely not. If the family unit is strong and the parents are able to work on their relationship with love and respect for one another, then their child will have a great ability to blossom in that type of environment. However, if the parents are unable to continue on in their relationship with each other, and if they’ve tried everything they could to save the marriage but still cannot find it in their hearts to love one another, their child will lose so much opportunity to fully blossom as long as the parents force themselves to keep the family together.

I know a lot of great single parents, and they are fantastic parents. I think single parents are fully capable of giving their children all the love that each child needs, with or without their ex involved. A child absolutely needs and deserves love, whether that child is a two-year-old toddler or an almost 12-year-old rambunctious son like mine. A single parent may be unable to display acts of affection without a steady partner in life, so the child may not learn how to display intimate love by watching and observing the parents. What a single parent does have the ability to do, is to teach the child about the beauty of life.

A single parent who is angry after a divorce and trashes the ex is inevitably going to do more harm than good. That child is learning in their formative years that when you break up a relationship, you need not show any respect for the person you once loved. You can spit venom, and you can blame everything on them. That child as a result runs a great risk, from childhood into adulthood, of becoming a blamer of blaming everybody and everything around them for all their own faults in life. But if you’re a divorced single parent and you teach your child of the beautiful things that can happen in life, you speak positively of your ex and you teach that relationships with the right person can be absolutely amazing, your child has the chance to grow and learn from you about love in a positive light. If they see you in great relationships with your friends, they see the way you interact with strangers, if you interact with the people around you with care, with compassion and with empathy, that child is going to learn how to deal with people. Most of all, that child is going to learn how to deal with themselves and learn to embrace themselves for who they are as a person.

If you’re a single parent and your child spends time with your ex, honor that time and allow your child to enjoy that time. Put your personal feelings toward your ex aside because that is your ex’s time to experience life with his or her child. If your child receives love and learns the beauty of how to conduct relationships, including relationships that have broken up, when that child becomes an adult, they are not going to be bitter and angry and frustrated like some of the comments that I read. Some readers base their view of relationships completely on anger. You haven’t really embraced your own breakup, separation or divorce yet. You haven’t even taken notice of what your issues are, and you haven’t really accepted that you are the only person who you can hold responsible for your past relationships.

As parents, we are role models no matter what. That is why I applaud single parents. Single parents are some of the best role models that I’ve ever met, no matter that they are divorced. Their decision to divorce was not selfish at all. Many of them have had to think hard and dig deep, and they have concluded that their children are better off raised by only one parent than under the shoddy roof of a failed or deteriorating marriage. I know a lot of strong people who came from single parents, and they experience fantastic relationships because their mothers and their fathers served as role models who did not force themselves to play the loveless roles of each others spouse. You may not be able to show intimate affection if you’re not in a relationship, but instilling in your child the ability to love goes beyond merely displaying love to your significant other. It’s showing it to everybody around you, through acts of kindness, compassion and empathy...

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