Fact: Most men want sex whenever and however they can get it.
Fact: Many women will sleep with a man to try to gain – or keep - his interest.
Fact:
It’s fairly easy for an attractive, desirable man to get sex, so many
will reject a woman if she’s not ready to jump in the sack on the first
few dates.
So what do you do when you’re someone who insists on being in a committed, monogamous relationship before getting intimate? How do you find a good guy who’s interested in more than just sex? This question comes from someone on Facebook. She asks:
“I feel like all I ever get are men who are just buying dinner and waiting for the right time to ask for SEX. Are there any men anymore that want a good healthy relationship, who want to share a life together and have the real thing??? Maybe MARRIAGE??? UGH!!! I’m so sick of all of it, I just want to stay by myself…am I alone in this???”
I
understand your frustration but I can tell you with absolute certainty
that there ARE good guys out there who are looking for a healthy
relationship, commitment and marriage. It’s just a matter of attracting
them, and you can do so by looking in the right places and being clear
about who you are and what you’re looking for along the way. But wait, how EXACTLY do you do that? Let’s break it down.
TIP #1: DON’T GO TO THE DESERT LOOKING FOR WATER. In
other words, look for good guys where good guys hang out. If a serious
relationship is your goal, then don’t waste your precious time in bars,
clubs, or on websites like “OnlineBootyCall.com” (it really exists, no
kidding.) Most likely, the men you’ll meet in these places are
looking for the “low-hanging fruit” also known as women who will hop into bed
with them quickly and easily, without the man having to put forth much
effort. More on the “low-hanging fruit” theory in a bit. So where CAN you expect to find better quality men? Attending places and events that are significant or meaningful to you
is a great way to come in contact with guys who share similar interests
and ideals.
- VOLUNTEER OR CHARITY WORK - Think about it: you’ve been meaning to do some volunteering anyway, so it’s a good, positive use of your free time. The BONUS just happens to be that there might be some goodhearted single guys there. Generally, selfish and mean people don’t gravitate toward doing good works, so you can be pretty sure that the men you meet aren’t jerks. That’s better than you can say for the ones you meet in a bar!
- THROUGH YOUR RELIGIOUS OR SPIRITUAL ORGANIZATION - If you are a spiritual person, this same principle applies to meeting men at church, temple, a religious singles’ group, yoga/meditation class, etc. Not only is it likely that you’ve found a worthy date, but you might also be surprised at how much quicker you can bond with someone who already shares your values.
- SOCIAL CLUBS - Social clubs are also good places to meet guys who share similar interests with you. For example, one of my friends is really into motorcycles (it’s not my thing yet, and I want to learn, but she loves it). She joined a biking club just for fun, and on an outing she met a biker dude who she really hit it off with. A few months later when the club took a weekend trip, the two of them rode off into the sunset
- CLASSES - Don’t forget classes, too. Taking a creative writing seminar, signing up for kickboxing lessons, and enrolling at a continuing education class at your local university are all good avenues to meet men who are interested in learning something new and improving themselves (always good traits to have!).
- THE DOG RUN - Another place to meet good men is at the dog run of your local park. Guys who love animals are just more loving people all around. Of course it’s always better if you have a dog to bring. Nothing is a better icebreaker than a little butt-sniffing, and I mean between your dog and their dog. Even if you don’t ave a dog, you can still stop by to watch the puppies frolic. If you see a man who looks interesting there, it can’t hurt to ask him about his dog. Try something like, “Is that a boxer? I’m thinking of getting a dog but I don’t know what breed. Do boxers bark much?” and see where the conversation takes you.
TIP #2: DON’T ROT WITH THE LOW-HANGING FRUIT; BE PROUD TO BE THE SHINY APPLE AT THE TOP OF THE TREE. The
truth is, most men do want sex whenever and however they can get
it. But for the many good guys out there, the ultimate prize is an
intimate relationship with a woman whom they have a deep and meaningful
commitment. The right man will respect your values, cherish you as a
person, and willingly wait for the right time to be intimate with you,
when you’re ready. So as frustrating as it might be to waste a
Saturday night with someone whom you thought you had a good
connection, only to realize that he suggested the lobster dinner in hopes
that’d get you in the sack, look on the bright side. By politely
refusing sex and letting a man know that you’re waiting for a committed,
monogamous relationship, you’re applying a great litmus test. If he
runs for the hills...good riddance! He’s clearly not worthy of you. If he
sticks around and continues to pursue you, while respecting your
boundaries, then you can be pretty sure this guy is a good catch.
Low-hanging
fruit may be easy, but eventually easy gets boring. Most men love a
good challenge, and when you stand up for your beliefs and refuse to
fall into bed with just anyone, it sets you apart from all the women out
there who will. The good men who are looking for a relationship and a wife, will be thrilled to meet a woman like you. True
intimacy is something that is built with trust and shared experiences
over time and can’t be created through sex alone. When you’re in a
committed relationship with someone who cherishes you, you’ll both know
that it was worth the wait...
facebook.com/relationshiplessons
relationships@miraaradio.com
twitter.com/delvinrandle
1 comment:
LOVE THIS.... #LadyNWaiting :)
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