How many times have you told yourself that he will change? Have you ever thought you
could change him? Are you frustrating yourself (and maybe him) in your
efforts to change his behavior? Maybe you’ve been in this
situation or you probably know someone who has. Maybe you’ve been
successful, or maybe you’ve had your heart broken. Either way, one thing
is sure: he won’t change if he doesn’t want to. Well,
I’m not going to give you advice on how to change your man. Instead, let
me share a bit of insight on what you can do during the dating process. Consider it a better way to playing in the relationship chess match.
1) Determine if it’s a deal breaker. OK
so maybe he has some annoying little habits like cracking knuckles or
whatever. Is it something you can live with? I mean, I’m sure we all
have some annoying habits. In fact, often we don’t even realize we do
them. If you determine that it’s not a “deal breaker”, you’ll learn to
live with it and maybe even (nicely) bring it to his attention if he is
unaware. Careful though, he might bring up some of your quirks too. The
point is, if it’s something you can live with, don’t make a big deal out
of it. Now there are some things that should just be obvious deal
breakers for someone looking for a serious relationship. These are
called non-negotiables.
2) Non-Negotiables. Substance
abuse, excessive drinking, violence, anger problems. Don’t expect these
things to go away as he “grows up”. Things like these should not be
tolerated. You deserve better so just avoid guys like that. No guy is
worth getting beat up over. Don’t go into a serious relationship hoping
that he will change or grow out of a “non-negotiable”. Non-negotiables
don’t have to just be negative things you don’t want, but think of some
positive things that you want in your future mate. I believe that having
a similar outlook on life, dreams and sharing the same faith are also
very important. It’s good to have an idea what you want before getting
too serious.
3) Make a list. Even before you
start dating, write down a list of the positive things you would like in
your future mate, and the negative things you don’t want. Then
determine how important they are to you. For example, have some
non-negotiable deal breakers and some things you would like, but could
live without. Just be serious and realistic. You deserve to be treated
well.
4) Rate Your Date. OK, I don’t mean go home
after your date and grade him on a scale of 1 to 10. But pull out your
list. Does he hit one or more of your non-negotiables? Cut him loose. Is
he missing some of your “would like, but don’t need’s”? Give him a
chance. The “would likes” should just be a guideline. If you go into
your dates knowing what you want and don’t want, then you’ll better be
able to weed out the bad ones before you get too attached.
5) Review before getting too serious. So
maybe you’ve been on a few dates and things are going good. Maybe
you’re thinking about getting more serious with each other. This is
where I would suggest having a look at your non-negotiable deal breakers
again. Most people are on their best behavior when first dating. It can
take several dates until you are both more comfortable and more
personality traits start to surface. This is where many people make the
mistake of thinking “he will change”. You made a list of non-negotiables
for a reason. Doesn’t matter how rich or good looking he is, review
that list of non-negotiables and stick with it. That’s why it is so
important to be serious and think long and hard when making your list.
The
most important thing is to know what you want in your mate and how you
want to be treated. With that being said, make sure you treat him the way you
want to be treated. Now it's your move...
twitter.com/DelvinRestored
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