I received a submission from today's guest blogger, and I said to myself that once it gets edited, I would move it to the front of the line and let you hear her story. She requested that her name and picture be witheld, so I will honor her request, but please read her story and ask yourself if you could ever see yourself in her place...
I went through an epic breakup last year. I mean like a catastrophic breakup. I
was in a long distance relationship for 2 years, and thought I’d found
my husband. We discussed engagement and relocation, but he was lying and
cheating on me the entire time. I estimate he told me 1-3 lies every
day. I don’t believe in victims; I’m not one. I was complicit in the
deception, ignored my gut, blindly trusted, and developed this bizarre
habit of asking him questions while making excuses. For example:
- ME: Why didn’t you call me for the last three days? Was your phone dead, your charger broken and your landline attacked by pygmies?
- HIM: Uh…yeah. That’s exactly what happened.
So, I was essentially lying to myself. When my suspicions mounted and
the evidence became unavoidable, the “crazy chick” emerged. She crept
in slowly at first, squelched by my better judgment. She’d eye his cell
phone on the table. "The answers are in there", she’d whisper. I’d silence her, and even when her whispers became shouts and nightmares, I refused to look through his stuff. Until…I eventually went through his stuff.
I found penis pictures, emails to random women about vacation
plans, and other things that are too messed up to mention. This dude had
skeletons and demons all rolled into one. It was scary, but what scared
me the most was my willingness to anchor my life to a dude I clearly
didn’t know. For the first time in my life, I felt I couldn’t trust
myself. This is uncomfortable to admit in public. This story
doesn’t make me look good. I fell for the wrong guy, stayed in a
relationship well beyond the expiration date, and instead of trusting my
gut, I went thru a man’s personal belongings. My mother always told me
"if you have the urge to snoop, you already know the answer". She was right, but sometimes you have to do "hood rat" things.
Needless to say, we ended our relationship and I’ve recovered with
no visible scars. For the most part, you wouldn’t even know that this crazy
thing happened to me. Except, that the “crazy chick” lingers. I’m at the beginning of a new relationship, and the “crazy chick”
whispers more often than I’d like. I find I am fearful that new boo will
end up like the old one, that he’s always lying to me, and that he
doesn’t really love me. Intuitively I understand that I have to make
peace with the “crazy chick” inside. She represents both the strongest
and most broken parts of me, and I’ll be honest, I kind of love her. The “crazy chick” has gotten me out of horrible situations and held me
together (with gum and shoelaces). In times of conflict she gets things
done. Her tactics are explosive and her weapons cause mass destruction,
but if she didn’t exist, I’d still be in denial somewhere in the mid-west just miserable and engaged. The “crazy chick” saved my life.
It is a daily struggle not to go thru new boo’s belongings, and to
trust that he is who he says he is. It’s a struggle to determine which
part of my gut to trust: the part that thinks everyone is lying, or the
part that believes in love? If we have any future, I have to make peace
with my personal history, and I should probably understand that all men
aren’t the same. Still, the “crazy chick” lives in the bunker of my mind, with a helmet, some fatigues and a semi-automatic weapon. I’m working out a way to tell her the war is over, and that no matter what happens, I’ll be okay.
Ladies, what about you? Do you have a “crazy chick” that you must
make peace with? If you have already done so, give everyone some lessons by commenting below. Gentlemen,
is it possible to aid in healing a woman’s “inner crazy chick”? Leave your comments and let's discuss.
2 comments:
It almost sounds like you don't have enough confidence in yourself. I'm sure you are a kick ass chick that any man would be luck to love. I mean we all have crazy chick in us and that's ok. However you can't punish this new guy for past guys faults. Life happens and we can't change the past we can only grow from it. Maybe you need to work on you before getting in a new relationship. This guy your dating might not be your hubby and that's ok. But it sounds like you feel you can't trust him or yourself to be truthful. What did you learn here? #1 Long distance won't work for you. #2 You need to KNOW you rock and are worth any guy. #3 Trust and honesty are a must. Good luck! :)
Aww the crazy chic. That's the one that will have you laying in the bushes trying to see who he talking to, stalking his job, showing up at his church and families house UNANNOUNCED, calling at random times of night, etc. etc. EVERY Woman has that girl and anyone that says they don't is LYING. We have ALL gone through that at one time or another. Especially me. However, once you have acknowledged that she exists (always the first step) then you can do what you can do to find peace with her and suppress her. When I find the crazy chic rising up, I stop and pause and ask myself if she is trying to warn me or am I just being paranoid. If I feel it is a warning, I begin to pay attention what's going on around me. I also developed the three call/text rule. If I have called/text a person three times (within a three day period) and haven't received an answer, I stop calling/texting. I figure that instead of letting the crazy chic rise up and come find you (cause I can and will and have done it on occasion), I would rather just leave the ball in your court. If you call you call if you don't, HOLLA!!... Mostly though to suppress and control the crazy chic, I decided that I wasn't going to give anyone that much control over me and my emotions to get me out of character. Anyone that knows me, knows I love HARD but my character is more important. Thanks mystery Blogger.. Thanks for being HONEST..
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