Muffie from San Francisco, California has done elaborate study in defining her list. She has today's guest spot, as I prepare for the next blog for the weekend. It's a great analysis, so check it out! Men and women both make dating mistakes, but here are four that come up for the fairer sex from Muffie’s perspective. See if you can identify with any one of these:
#4 Ms. Anti-Commitment - You’re falling for him more quickly than you planned. The emotional
connection that the two of you share goes far beyond the physical
attraction. Although not anticipated, the two of you consider taking the
non-exclusive dating relationship to a mutually exclusive level. He’s
all in, but you’re not. You’re not exactly sure why you’re so hesitant
to make the next big step. Everything was fine during the initial stages
of dating, but now that the opportunity to take the relationship to the
next level has been discussed, you suddenly wonder if he’s the right
one. Not because he has done something so terrible that you can’t fathom
the thought of being committed, but because you’re scared of committing
to another person in fear that it won’t work out. Your past failed
relationships run through your head and you think about how great they
started out, just like the current one you’re contemplating. As a
result, you refuse to commit and start the dating cycle with someone
else hoping that he will be the “right choice”.
#3, The Deadline Princess - In my perfect little world deadlines are only for weight loss, career
aspirations and assignments…Not marriage. When you put a deadline on
marriage, not only can you set yourself up for a huge disappointment,
you put yourself at risk of getting a chronic condition called DG
(Deadline Goggles). You’ve heard of “Beer goggles”, right? It’s when
you’ve had a little too much to drink and that fine man at the club
turned out to be a Cee Lo Green look alike in Coogi and a Kangol hat. The same
principle can be applied to “Deadline Goggles”. DG is a condition in
which you’re so fixated on your marriage deadline of June 2013 that the
guy you dated back in 2009 who kissed like a vacuum doesn’t look that
bad anymore because you’re too fixated on getting married at a certain
time. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married, just slow down
and bask in everything that is singleness and dating because it’s a
great way to hone in on what you want and don’t want in a mate. Enjoy
the ride (honestly, no pun intended) and don’t be overly focused on a
deadline because you may end up getting stuck with Vacuum Mouth.
#2. Tunnel Vision - You’ve never dated a guy who was as chivalrous as the one you’re
dating now. He opens doors and is a great conversationalist. You’re so
intrigued because you have never experienced a man who is so pleasant to
be around. You lose yourself in every conversation and the minutes
easily turn into hours. So how did you overlook his blatant shallowness
and lack of ambition? Easily. You were so enthralled by his few amazing
qualities, your judgment was skewed. You wonder how you ended up in that
predicament. Some time ago, I was dating someone who I clicked with immediately.
Conversations were never ending, his sense of humor had me busting out
of my Spanx and he loved to do nice “thinking-of-you" gestures. It was
amazing! Amazing until I realized I was dating someone with no
ambition, no common sense, and certainly no ability to...well, nevermind. How
could I have missed those red flags when we began dating? I couldn’t
understand why I didn’t see him for who he really was, until I got to
thinking: I was so overly focused on the good qualities that I
overlooked (or chose to ignore) the negatives ones. I thought that
somehow his good qualities would magically cancel out the ones that
weren’t so good. Although logically this theory makes no sense, it was
logical to me at the time because I wanted him to fit into the mold that
I created in my head. Unfortunately in the world of dating, it doesn’t
work out that way. Good qualities never “cancel out” bad ones, you just
have to make yourself aware of them before time, feelings and emotions
are too deeply invested.
#1. The Fixer-Upper - He exaggerated too much, he didn’t know how to dress for the
occasion, hated animals and had no ambition. I did it anyway. I dated
him. Although I knew the possibilities of him changing were slim to
none, I was silly enough to continue the relationship. This meant that I
committed and, by default, chose to accept all of him, not just the
qualities I liked. So why is it that I got into this relationship trying
to fix him when I knew his qualities from the beginning? I failed to
acknowledge that people change only because they want to, not because I
want them to. There was no need in trying to “fix” something that wasn’t
for me to fix. He was who he was; and I needed something so much more
than what he provided.
What dating mistakes have you been known for? Hello, my name is Muffie and I’m a Fixer-Upper. So, which one are you?
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