HBO aired a documentary in which a wedding photographer in New York City photographed 112 weddings in a 20 year span, had a chance to go back to those same couples to see where they are now. For two decades, filmmaker Doug Block made extra money by shooting
wedding videos. After each one, he was always curious what happened next
to the couples. "I can't help but wonder," he says, "do they have any
idea what they're getting into?" So, in this documentary, Block visits
nine of his favorite couples to see how they've fared. As Block says,
"happily ever after is complicated."
You know those movies that haunt you for days? The film was incredibly affecting, and I kept pausing it to write about various scenes. I still can't get it out of my head. Parts of it made me cry a little, and parts of it made me think a lot, especially the story about the woman dealing with depression and the amazing love and support her husband showed her. I watched it a month ago and have been haunted by it ever since! It was eye opening to see that all marriages have trials and tribulations, it's just that everyone's trials and tribulations are different, and some were able to weather the storms better than others. Even a couple who thought about getting married, when it came time for their wedding, they never got married at all. The couple decided to become domestic partners instead. 13 years later during the making of the documentary, they got married and their daughters were there to witness it. This program was such a realistic portrait of marriage - everyone who is about to get married should see this. I was surprised to find it so introspective. I completely agree with a Rabbi who married one of the couples when he said that if he had a magic wand he wouldn't choose to remove the challenges of marriage. To do so would be like levelling the peaks and valleys of life. Without that, there would be no mountains to scale or vistas to appreciate. I was thinking about the couple who are just so lovely and their daughter has a life threatening disease. The image the wife tries to paint of their lives after marriage is so picturesque, but her husband calls her out on it and gives you the REAL picture. She tries to be brave and not cry... I just can't imagine getting that kind of news about your seemingly perfectly healthy child. Their lives together started off with such hope. She is so funny and happy in their wedding video, and then it just gets turned upside down finding out their child was sick. It's every parent's nightmare. How they dealt with the conflict and the fear without having any control over what comes next. They stuck it out, and they're still together while other couples fail for less that what they endured.
You know those movies that haunt you for days? The film was incredibly affecting, and I kept pausing it to write about various scenes. I still can't get it out of my head. Parts of it made me cry a little, and parts of it made me think a lot, especially the story about the woman dealing with depression and the amazing love and support her husband showed her. I watched it a month ago and have been haunted by it ever since! It was eye opening to see that all marriages have trials and tribulations, it's just that everyone's trials and tribulations are different, and some were able to weather the storms better than others. Even a couple who thought about getting married, when it came time for their wedding, they never got married at all. The couple decided to become domestic partners instead. 13 years later during the making of the documentary, they got married and their daughters were there to witness it. This program was such a realistic portrait of marriage - everyone who is about to get married should see this. I was surprised to find it so introspective. I completely agree with a Rabbi who married one of the couples when he said that if he had a magic wand he wouldn't choose to remove the challenges of marriage. To do so would be like levelling the peaks and valleys of life. Without that, there would be no mountains to scale or vistas to appreciate. I was thinking about the couple who are just so lovely and their daughter has a life threatening disease. The image the wife tries to paint of their lives after marriage is so picturesque, but her husband calls her out on it and gives you the REAL picture. She tries to be brave and not cry... I just can't imagine getting that kind of news about your seemingly perfectly healthy child. Their lives together started off with such hope. She is so funny and happy in their wedding video, and then it just gets turned upside down finding out their child was sick. It's every parent's nightmare. How they dealt with the conflict and the fear without having any control over what comes next. They stuck it out, and they're still together while other couples fail for less that what they endured.
Weddings aren't just about two people getting married, it's about two families coming together and bringing all their complicated histories to the mix. I mention this because a few of my friends got married this summer. I made it to some, and schedule conflicts prevented me from going to others, but today I focus on three weddings in particular because there is such a broad spectrum between them:
Karen and Quinton Clay - Married, August 10, 2014
Thizel and Steven Williams - Married, August 23, 2014
Felicia and Howard McNair - Married, August 31, 2014
Karen (my niece) and Quinton, both in their 20's never before married, reminded me of the grand loveliness of love. I see them and I really thought of what I wanted again. The look in their eyes full of love and fear, but they showed that "never scared" type of love and it was familiar to anyone who ever walked the aisle before. I love young love, but I love a confident love even more.
Thizel (my play sister) and Steve, reminds me of a rebounding life. It made me a fan of love again during a time when I didn't like love that much. I saw Thizel and the look on her face would say it all! No one could ever tell her Steve didn't belong to her, and I became again "Love's #1 Fan" because of them.
Felicia and Howard (my fraternity brother), quiet as it's kept, showed me how to stay under the radar and keep people out of the business of your love, which was none of their business in the first place. Let those in who can help and celebrate, and leave those who hate on the outside.
It's what I learned from watching these three couples that made me rethink my "happily ever after". The wedding is one day, but the marriage is a lifetime. So what can I give to these particular three couples and to all of you who are reading this blog today? I can tell you that marriage is definitely work, and a change is all but surely on the horizon when you come together, but I encourage all of you as much as you want to focus on a wedding, to have a funeral service for your ego and your need for perfection first. Without a funeral and a letting go who you used to be, there will never be a proper coming together in unity and becoming one. If you haven't seen the documentary, I suggest that you do so, especially if you plan on getting married. Happy weddings are a dime a dozen, but happy marriages are much more rare and therefore are more precious in the world...
1 comment:
I simply love this piece!!!
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