When To Say Those Three Little Words

So you think you've met the man of your dreams? Does your heart sing? Does your pulse race? Do you walk around all starry-eyed, having trouble thinking about anything other than him? You want to tell him that you love him, and that you think that he's "The One"...but you don't want to seem clingy, or scare him off. We've all heard horror stories about one partner telling the other that they love them, and then getting the "thanks, but no thanks" response. Maybe you've experienced it yourself, adding to your fears. So how do you tell him that you love him without coming off like a creepy stalker?

1) Choose the right place and the right time. Think hard about when and where you want to tell him. If you're worried that he won't respond with enthusiasm, it helps to be prepared. Maybe you'd like to tell him on the anniversary of when you met, or at the place you first kissed, or over dinner at your favorite restaurant. Set the stage for romance and he'll respond more positively.

2) Make sure you can back it up. Before you blurt out "I love you," tell him what you appreciate about him. Compliment him and tell him what it is about him that you really like. Tell him how wonderful he makes you feel when you're together and why you value your relationship. Be sincere, and be specific. Let him know that you value him for the many things that make him unique and special.

3) Consider the type of person he is. If he's a fun-loving, casual type, setting up a full-scale romantic assault may actually make him feel more nervous than passionate. He might respond better if you slip "I love you" into a conversation over a picnic lunch, or while laughing at one of your favorite movies. By the time you get to expressing your love, you should know him pretty well - so pick a time and a place that will be most comfortable for him.

4) Share it, don't demand it. You want to tell him how you feel, not blackmail him into saying it back. He may not be ready to say it yet, and if he feels pressured he'll resent you for it. And no matter what you do, never blurt it out as part of an argument. Screeching, "But I love you!" isn't romantic, it's pretty disturbing and very selfish.

5) Take the coward's way out. If you can't bring yourself to flat-out say "I love you," try a less pressure-filled way of saying the same thing. "I love having your arms around me," "I love how you look in that shirt" and "I really love the way your eyes twinkle when you smile" are smaller declarations, and a good way to gauge his feelings.

6) Don't say it while under the influence. A glass of wine may give you the courage to say those three little words, but several glasses of wine will just make you sloppy and silly. Besides, think of the message you're sending him if it looks like you had to get drunk to tell him you love him! Do it while sober, so both of you know that you mean exactly what you say.

7) Be prepared for the worst (a spinoff of #4).  No matter how much you fantasize about him saying "I love you" back, Don't place all your hopes on it. He may not be ready. Worse, he may not feel the same way about you. Saying "I love you" should be a gift from you to him, not a demand to reciprocate. And if you pin all your hopes on him responding in exactly the way you've imagined, you may very well be disappointed.

Have a back-up plan in place in case he doesn't return your feelings. Know in advance that you may end up crying into your pillow or sitting up late with a girlfriend grumbling about your broken heart. If he says "I love you" back, that's great. But if he doesn't, it'll go better for you if you've already prepared yourself for that possibility. Above all, remember that saying "I love you" doesn't really change anything. While it may be the ending to every romantic movie, exchanging those words doesn't mean happily ever after. It just means that you're moving into a slightly different phase of your relationship. There is still a lot to share with each other, and who knows what joys and challenges lie ahead?

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