The Good Me vs. The Bad Me

I am a part of group on Facebook that I consider family. I mean, when you become so transparent to the point of total exposure, you better consider them family. We have a lot of fun, and truth telling, which I guess you can call fun because we really get to the bottom line in everyone's lives without all the tap dancing around the issues or questions. I'm telling you this because every Tuesday there are a series of questions asked, and people in the group are required to answer them truthfully. We call it "Tell the Truth Tuesday". 

A question was asked on a truth telling Tuesday...as a matter of fact, two questions were asked on consecutive Tuesdays that has me pondering them a little more deeper here than I could there: 

1. Do nice guys finish last?

2. Good girl/guy, or bad girl/guy, which would you rather have/be? 

To be honest, my answer to the first question was: "As long as I finish, who cares what place I come in?" I answered the second question with: "I've been both, and I've had both, but at this stage, I'd rather have and be good." Two very clear answers, or so I thought. But after a week of processing and maybe obsessing over it as well, my very real answer now comes with an explanation. 

Once upon a time I was all about me, and although some may think there aren't many days that are not about me, these days were different...VERY different. Any time I met a woman, I would let her know I was damaged goods and could only give her me with little to almost no emotion at all. I often referred to myself as a closed door, which symbolized whether or not I felt like letting anything or anyone in. Most times I was closed off and cold, but even then women worked over-time trying to change me. Ironically, no matter how much wrong I did, I could do no wrong. I just assumed they saw something better in me, boy was I wrong!

Fast forward to present day me, I’ve come full circle from back then, and I'm back to the "Good Guy" I was before I got my feelings hurt. However, now the same women who were so attracted to me then are no where to be found now. I first thought it was that I had run them off, or maybe it was karma, or maybe I brought this on myself, or that God had one hell of a sense of humor. Whatever it was I couldn’t figure it out.

So here I was, looking for a Good Woman with a flashlight in the daytime, while guys who are like the bastard I was found them with ease. Could it be that what I been hearing is right?? That good guys finish last, and women want a bad boy?? Well...

For a long time I’ve been trying to figure this out. Some of the same women that said they couldn’t find Mr. Right, found him and left him for Mr. Wrong. Damn you Mary J. Blige! I’ve heard everything from "he wasn’t a challenge", to "that’s just not what I want". Have we been brain washed into thinking the same things that make us good men, also make us weak men? Is it possible for me to love a woman and still be strong? The fact that I can treat a woman right should not disqualify me, but these days seems it does.

So there you have it, but my little confession doesn't stop there. I know there are other men who silently feel the same way, but will never get the chance to tell their story. My question to you, just like it was asked to me that Tuesday is this: Do nice guys finish last? Do you prefer the bad or the good guy/girl?  Come on, tell the truth...