Have you ever met someone that you connected with right away? Have you
ever felt that initial impression bringing a smile to your face? Have
you felt the surety that what is happening in that time is pure and
genuine? That first inkling of promise, the shining
hope that this new thing remains as good and as wonderful as it began. I
just got to experience that with my ex recently, and I can’t wait to see what
happens next. I have the luxury of at least communicating with her which helps bridge the gap, and in some ways, keeps
things from getting complicated so fast. I’m not saying to
over-think and find a list of everything that could go wrong, but I
would say watch for the signs. Watch for any red flags and pay attention to
what’s being said and unsaid. More times than not, their actions could
show way more truthfully what’s really going on in someone’s
mind. It’s best to go into every new experience with your eyes wide open,
your heart leading the way, and with your brain as your navigation system.
First of all, let me say seeing her again did NOT turn out like a plot in a romantic comedy, nor did I
expect it to. It was as awkward and uncomfortable as I imagined it would
be. To be honest, it was even more so than I imagined, and I have a very good
imagination. Back to the story. It had been five years since we
had been in the same room together, much less face to face. There were a lot of mixed emotions. First off, there was a
feeling of expectation. Of what? That is still undetermined. There were
also feelings of (1) curiosity, (2) what if, (3) awkwardness, and (4) surety.
My curiosity stemmed from wondering what motive could have influenced
my ex to reach out to me.
My what if was what most what ifs are: “What if we didn’t break up when we did?” “What if we never spoke or saw each other again?” and the like.
My awkwardness was for obvious reasons. I had thought of our seeing each other again, but you never quite get the amount of awkwardness you’ll feel quite right. Let me tell you, it was ridiculously awkward.
And lastly, there was my surety, and that surety was that we were absolutely meant at that time to go our separate ways.
We were never meant in our condition to experience a “happy ever after” with each other. And now, I could really know it and internalize it on a complete level. I don’t wish any ill will towards my ex. I wholeheartedly wish her every happiness. Would I have still decided to meet with her knowing the awkwardness that would ensue? Yes I would, because we had time to get through the destructive feelings that too little time would have put on blast. We had an open and honest conversation about what ultimately lead us to break up and finally buried it. We banished what ifs, satisfied curiosities, and conquered our past misunderstandings. Will we be friends now? I can say yes for sure, and only time will tell where it will lead. Is that door to a better relationship open with a nicer and cleaner welcome mat laying at the door? I think so, but again only time will tell what happens. I can say this one thing for sure, in spite of all the awkwardness, the both of us gained complete peace.
My what if was what most what ifs are: “What if we didn’t break up when we did?” “What if we never spoke or saw each other again?” and the like.
My awkwardness was for obvious reasons. I had thought of our seeing each other again, but you never quite get the amount of awkwardness you’ll feel quite right. Let me tell you, it was ridiculously awkward.
And lastly, there was my surety, and that surety was that we were absolutely meant at that time to go our separate ways.
We were never meant in our condition to experience a “happy ever after” with each other. And now, I could really know it and internalize it on a complete level. I don’t wish any ill will towards my ex. I wholeheartedly wish her every happiness. Would I have still decided to meet with her knowing the awkwardness that would ensue? Yes I would, because we had time to get through the destructive feelings that too little time would have put on blast. We had an open and honest conversation about what ultimately lead us to break up and finally buried it. We banished what ifs, satisfied curiosities, and conquered our past misunderstandings. Will we be friends now? I can say yes for sure, and only time will tell where it will lead. Is that door to a better relationship open with a nicer and cleaner welcome mat laying at the door? I think so, but again only time will tell what happens. I can say this one thing for sure, in spite of all the awkwardness, the both of us gained complete peace.
They say true forgiveness is that we forgive whatever offense was done
to us and forget it. My question is, what are we supposed to forget to get us to the
point of real forgiveness? To forget the offense is to pretend it never
happened as if no wrong was committed. I personally believe this an
ineffectual way to deal with such a thing. Whether we like it or not,
this bad thing happened and it needs to be faced. Revenge does not need
to be the way forgiveness happens, but selective amnesia is also not the way to
go.
I believe that to forgive includes the following:
(1) acknowledge the break in trust
(2) address the break
(3) decide on the lessons to be taken from the experience
(4) move forward with an open heart.
Choose to put that time in the past with the hope that the relationship is improved, or that at least some understanding has been reached so that you do not stay in that negative attitude. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean that whoever hurt you has to stay active in your life, it just means that the negativity caused by the hurt they created won’t. You refuse to let it control you because you know that it won’t benefit you. Forgiveness is no easy feat, especially when you remember what you’re trying to forgive. True forgiveness is not without immense effort, compassion and understanding. It is appreciation for the complexity of the human condition. When my ex and I separated six years ago and ultimately divorced, our human condition at the time was very complex. We both had to learn, and grow, and to eventually forgive. And because of this, the mat in front of the door to a better relationship is more welcoming...
I believe that to forgive includes the following:
(1) acknowledge the break in trust
(2) address the break
(3) decide on the lessons to be taken from the experience
(4) move forward with an open heart.
Choose to put that time in the past with the hope that the relationship is improved, or that at least some understanding has been reached so that you do not stay in that negative attitude. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean that whoever hurt you has to stay active in your life, it just means that the negativity caused by the hurt they created won’t. You refuse to let it control you because you know that it won’t benefit you. Forgiveness is no easy feat, especially when you remember what you’re trying to forgive. True forgiveness is not without immense effort, compassion and understanding. It is appreciation for the complexity of the human condition. When my ex and I separated six years ago and ultimately divorced, our human condition at the time was very complex. We both had to learn, and grow, and to eventually forgive. And because of this, the mat in front of the door to a better relationship is more welcoming...
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