From Newlywed to Partner

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, we were newlyweds. Watching television in the evening meant snuggling together, spoon style on the couch. We were the couple every other couple envied. We held hands. We went on dates. We hurried home to see one another. I told her that she was beautiful, and I happily did the laundry without any complaints from her about the amount that landed outside the hamper instead of inside the hamper. Cooking dinner was a treat, a way to show how much I loved her. When I shopped for her birthday, it was a daylong event, describing her to saleswomen so she could get the perfect item, the perfect size and surprise her with a beautiful new outfit I knew she would love.

There was a time when wearing my t-shirt meant she was sleeping in it, not leaving the house in it. Years have gone by, life has changed, a son has arrived, and time has become more rushed. Making dinner nowadays has become a nightly chore, something that must be done, and something that someone will have a complaint about. Laundry has become a never ending task, the laundry hamper is never empty, and chances are clothes are beside it because they fell off the mound on top.

Watching television means sitting in separate chairs. Hand holding happens every once in a while, which are far less often than they used to be but inevitably the son we both have will say “Ew, stop that!” Rushing home now means someone needs to be there to get our son home, or so that the other parent can leave. Kisses are asked for, and hurried. Romance is now at the bottom of the priority list. Once upon a time we were newlyweds. We aren’t married anymore, but that doesn’t stop us from being parents so we’re still partners in a sense. Now we are that couple who has been in each others lives forever, and those newlywed days are a distant memory.

If I’m lying on the couch with anyone, there’s a pretty good chance it’s with the son we’ve raised. This isn’t to say that love disappears over time, but it is to say that it definitely changes. I also happen to believe that a successful and happy relationship requires much, much more than just love. Love will get you started, but it’s not enough fuel to make it through the long haul. Relationships require something much different because the day to day grind, the “real life” stuff can suffocate that love you have for one another if you don’t watch it.

We used to be newlyweds. Now we’re the older couple, better friends, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. Sure, we sit in different chairs when we watch TV, and date nights might be infrequent, but they are every bit as cherished. She knows when I’m having a bad day even when I haven’t said a word, and the same can be said about me knowing her bad days. Shopping for each other isn’t a full day adventure anymore, and that’s because we know each other so well we don’t have to spend an entire day at the mall. I know instantly if something is what she would like or not. I still enjoy surprising her, but it doesn’t take nearly as much effort as it used to. I know all these little quirks and pet peeves as well as I know my own, probably even better than my own. We used to be newlyweds, but I’m so glad we are now that old not a couple, couple…