Today's anonymous Guest Blogger took on my challenge to share his experiences on his relationship journey. He finally got it, thanks to a little help from his Dad. Since this is Father's Day weekend, I ask that you read it for yourself...
"It’s all a learning experience". I used to hate that saying. Growing up, my father said that a lot. I always cringed a little inside, since that phrase was
almost always used when you envisioned an outcome and it didn’t go the way you
planned. I would tell him my “problem” or "thing that went wrong" and his
response never differed: “It’s all a learning experience”. After cringing, I
would tell myself he didn’t know what he was talking about, but boy was he
right and boy did I find out that it goes beyond mixing your red and white
laundry together.
Breakups suck. We go through about one, five, a dozen of them before we find
the right person? I don’t know the answer, as I’m still waiting for my number
and waiting for Ms. Right to come along. I’m still waiting for someone who
would also think that it’s fun to go out in the middle of a downpour and slow
dance, just for the heck of it. I haven’t found that one yet, but as my dad
said, “It’s all a learning experience”.
Recently I went through another breakup, this time it was different. This
time I was completely blindsided. We had just spent a beautiful time together
in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. We were planning future trips together,
we were doing a lot of activities together, and we were great together (or so I
thought). We hadn’t slow danced in the rain yet, but I thought it was possible.
Inside I told myself, “This is it.” I thought, “This is the one.” So did
everyone else around us. They all said how well we fit together, how good we
were together.
Then one afternoon, a phone call came. “I’m not emotionally attached to you
anymore” she said. I was confused. How can you spend so much effort and time
with someone, show so much affection, and then tell them you’re no longer
attached? What did I do or say that was wrong? What happened? I never got an
answer. I never was told why, or what made her feel that way. But you know
what? “It’s all a learning experience”.
Three weeks later, it’s Thursday night and a buddy invites me to go out and
have a few drinks. Sure, why not? It could be fun. We order and have a seat at
the bar, and of course he tells me he wants to talk to women. I start to cringe. I feel
my body and mind start to resist this “going out" thing, and thoughts like “I’m
not ready yet” crept in. I felt uncomfortable all of a sudden. Then this woman
comes over. She’s attractive and has a great smile. She starts talking to me,
smiling the whole time. In that moment I interrupt her mid-sentence and say the
first words that come to mind: “Your smile is contagious”. It was, and it
wasn’t a pick-up line. It was totally authentic; in the moment, it was the
first thing that popped in my brain. I felt myself smiling because her smile made me
smile. I felt warmth in my body, and the feeling of connection.
We talked for hours that night. She was my type: traveled a lot, held a
Masters in mathematics, could speak multiple languages,
shared the same outlook on life, and was very attractive. Nothing happened; no
phone numbers were exchanged, but I learned my father’s lesson that night. As I
drove home, I thought about her and the great conversation we had. I was
still smiling because of the connection, the conversations, and that gorgeous
smile (I like a woman who smiles. Can you tell?). That’s when it hit me. I can find someone who is the right fit for me. I can be the
person I want to be, find the person I want to be with, and re-create and better
my next relationship. Duh! Why has it taken me this long to figure this out?
Why is it that every time I break up with someone, I feel I’m in the wrong or
that it was my fault? Why do I need an answer to “Why?”
It’s because "it's all a learning experience". Thanks Dad, I’m learning the lesson.
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