The New Year is the perfect time to resolve to do things
differently but instead of those health and fitness resolutions why not
try some relationship ones.
If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what
you’ve always got! That is to say if you don’t change then your
relationships won’t either. Whether you’re single, dating or in a
committed relationship there are some resolutions you could make this
year which could radically improve all your relationships. Here are 12 resolutions (one for each of the 12 Blogs of Christmas), but you could make your own list as some may
be more relevant than others to you.
1. Think before you speak. Words are powerful and affect the people around us. When
communicating either with matches online, on dates or with your partner,
resolve to engage your brain before your mouth and consider the impact
of what you’re about to say.
2. Look for the positive rather than focusing on the negative. For some reason it’s often easier to see the negative in people and
to focus on their faults. This can be a block to starting relationships
and developing intimacy. It will take a concerted effort to look for the
positive if you’re habitually negative, but it’s well worth the effort.
3. Don’t jump to conclusions. One of the biggest sticking points in all relationships is "assuming"
you know what someone is thinking or feeling without checking it out
with them. As some people say, you know what happens when you assume...
4. Take responsibility for your own happiness. If you’re waiting for someone else to come along and make you happy,
you could have a very long wait. You’re a grown up and it’s up to you to
look after yourself physically, emotionally and mentally. When you’re
looking after yourself, the you’re free to love and appreciate a partner
without the risk of becoming too dependent and needy.
5. Say what you need and want. Unless you live with someone from the Psychic Friends Network, your partner is not going to be
able to mind read. Sulky silence, sarcastic comments or not-so-subtle
hints are all means of manipulation rather than effective communication.
Ask for what you want and be prepared for a "no". If you can’t accept a
no, then you’re making a demand not a request.
6. Don’t people please. Grinning and bearing things that make you feel uncomfortable or are
against your beliefs because you don’t want to upset your partner, won’t
build a successful relationship. There’s always an element of compromise
on both sides in a relationship, but if you’re constantly biting your
tongue you may be people pleasing.
7. Don’t try to control other people’s lives. It’s one thing to be interested and involved in your partner’s life,
but when it turns into possessiveness and jealousy with 24/7 contact,
updates and reassurances needed in order for you to feel secure, it will make you likely to
smother any love that was there.
8. Be open to change. Nobody is perfect, and neither are you. The ability listen to
feedback or criticism from your partner and take action when needed,
is difficult but essential if the relationship is going to be healthy.
9. Know when to say sorry. Stubbornness and pride are two great enemies of healthy
relationships. You don’t lose face when you back down from a row that’s
going nowhere; you just put the relationship and your happiness ahead of
the need to be right. Learn to recognize when you’ve hurt your
partner’s feelings and say sorry.
10. Don’t take everything personally. You might think you’re the center of your partner’s universe, but
chances are they have a whole life outside the relationship, so
don’t take their every mood, action and behavior personally. It’s not
all about you.
11. Be present. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift – that’s why it’s called the present. It's corny, but it's also true.
12. Give time and attention to what’s important. When you’re with your partner, resolve to really be there for at least
part of each day. Put away the mobile phones and the tablets, turn off
the TV and set aside outside concerns and give them your time and
attention. Doing this is like watering a plant, it's essential if you want
your relationship to thrive.
Implement these 12 or come up with some of your own, but it will be to your advantage to create some sort of game plan starting the new year. Which of the ones listed above can you see working for you?
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