One of the more interesting things I’ve noticed over the past few
years has been the particular set of struggles and tribulations
experienced by women whose moral code is the most influencing factor in
their love life. These are women who desire romantic connections as
deeply as anyone else but who also have a strict set of values they are
trying desperately not to compromise in fulfilling those desires. It’s
what I like to call “The Good Girl Dilemma.” Good Girls can generally be split into four different categories,
each with their own particular set of issues. In today’s post I want to
take a look at the four and offer some advice for being or dealing with
each.
1) The Angel - Typically, the Angel is someone who grew up in a religious household and
therefore put their relationship with God before their relationship
with anything else. Angels are beautiful, and they are attractive for a
number of reasons. First, it says something about their character that
they are able to remain true to their core beliefs in the face of all
the temptation that exists in the world. Also, the fact that Angels have
very little relationship experience usually means they’re not
completely jaded and disillusioned when it comes to men. They still
believe in things like trust, fidelity, love’s ability to overcome, and
all that other awesomeness women lose sight of after male mistreatment.
Angels also have their own issues that can make things difficult.
Sometimes Angels can have trouble understanding the shortcomings of
those less angelic. Many people find faith, or a moral code later on
in their life. The lives they’ve lived prior to that discovery may be
filled with all manner of sin and debauchery. Some Angels just can’t
accept this and that lack of acceptance can hinder relationships. Also,
an Angel’s inexperience in relationships may mean a lack of emotional and
sexual maturity when in a relationship. If you’ve been in a few healthy
relationships you learn how men and women communicate to each other
what works, what doesn’t, and how to make a relationship work. Saints can
sometimes be clueless on this front. They can also be clueless in the
bedroom which can lead to a whole other bag of issues.
2) The Teeterer - The Teeterer is the woman who has spent much of her life as an Angel,
but is at a point where the loneliness and perceived hopelessness of her
romantic situation are causing her to question the things she’s always
known. I have a deep empathy for women reaching this point. You spend
your whole life believing that if you do the right things and be the
right person, eventually your soul mate will find his way to you. The
truth is, in today’s society, that doesn’t always happen. When you see
yourself rounding the corner of your late twenties and staring your 30′s
square in the eyes, but you still have the same amount of relationship
experience that you had when you were 17, you might begin to have a bit
of a crisis of faith. When every guy you’ve ever had any feelings for
tells you “you’re too good for him” or “he doesn’t want to hurt you” or
“he’s just not ready for someone like you” it can be a little
disheartening. Especially if you’re watching all of your friends who are
less morally inclined fall in love, or at the very least, have fun
being single. At some point the Teeterer is always tested, maybe it’s a
guy at work they like, or maybe it’s a guy from their past who
reappears, or maybe it’s just a guy you meet during a moment
of weakness, at some point a test will come and how she responds will
dictate a big part of the rest of her life. If you’re a woman at this
point remember that you are best at being you. You’re not going to be
good at being someone else, so no matter how green the grass looks on
the other side of the fence, be yourself. If you’re dealing with a woman
at this point, know what you are and what you aren’t willing to give her from
jump. Be man enough to let her know early on if you’re not what she’s
looking for.
3) The Good Girl Gone Bad - Its been said, “Once a good girl’s gone bad, she’s gone forever.” This isn’t
entirely true, but there is some truth to it. Sometimes a Teeterer will
fall and find herself in a relationship she knows she shouldn’t be in, or
doing things she knows she shouldn’t be doing. When this happens,
sometimes she’s able to summon her inner strength and fortitude and go
back to being the woman she expects herself to be, and other times the
rabbit hole is just too deep. Sometimes, she falls all the way in and
the person she once knew may never be seen again. There’s no more
tumultuous time in a human’s life than when a good girl decides to go
bad. When a woman loses sight of or rejects the moral code with which
she’s previously lived her life, all hell breaks loose and the outcomes
are completely unpredictable and sometimes pretty sad. There’s lots of
anger, sadness and guilt, and those emotions express themselves in a
myriad of ways. If you’re dealing with a good girl gone bad, you need
to understand that who she is now isn’t who she always was, nor is it who
she'll always be. Contrary to popular belief, good girls gone bad
often find their way home, so it’s important to realize that you may not
know or like the person they eventually become. You have to understand
that you’re dealing with a woman in transition and relationships built
during major life transitions rarely work. If you’re a good girl gone
bad my only advice is that you protect yourself in all ways and be self
aware. Don’t just act, take the time to decide what you are willing to
do and what you’re not willing to do based on whatever morality you’re
currently living your life by. You don’t have to be who you were, but at
least maintain a standard.
4) The Bad Girl Gone Good - Its also been said, “You can’t turn a bad girl good.” This too, is not entirely
true. I’ve seen women change, and by change I mean that I’ve seen women go
from living lives where what they will and won’t do is situational, to
living lives where what they will and won’t do is decided by a value
system strengthened way before any particular situation arises. It can
happen, but it usually takes an extraordinary set of circumstances so
dealing with this type of woman means understanding and accepting those
circumstances. If you’re dealing with a bad girl gone good, you have to
understand that she’s probably seen a lot and experienced a lot as is,
therefore she is going to have a very low tolerance for male mischievousness. You never know how much of herself she had to cauterize to make the
changes she wanted to make, so her opening up to you (if she ever does)
is a big deal. It’s a responsibility you need to know you’re accepting
when you pursue a relationship with her. On the flip side, bad girls
gone good make awesome people to be with if they’ve fully made the
transition over to the good side. They know all of the bad girl tricks we
men come to love but they now reserve them for you and only you.
Good girls, whether they were born good and remained, whether they
fell off and got back up, or whether they were born bad and became good, are
an interesting set of women to get to know and explore. Ladies, do you
find yourself sitting in one of the categories above? What has your
experience been like? Fellas, ever dealt with a good girl? What was
that like? What if anything, have I missed? Feel free to share in your comments...
