100,000 Views - Thank You!

I wanted to take a moment, more like a post, to reflect on the greatest milestone so far in Relationship Lessons history. 100,000 pageviews in 10 months of existence is a big deal, but before I get to that, I want to thank the RL readers, both new and tenured, for helping make this site what its become. It was just a few months ago that I freshened up the appearance, added guest contributors, and diversified our content to better reflect what I define as the male perspective. And while I made adjustments, some people told me not to change, that a relationship blog needs to stay a relationship blog, that I’ll lose readers if I leave the “niche.” Truth be told, some people did leave and they were vocal about their exit. However, I've come to realize that people leave when change comes around, and all things considered its not a bad thing. Little did I know things would take off as much as they have in the last few months, with the month of April being both a culmination and a beginning.

In April 2013, we crushed the previous monthly record for pageviews and unique visitors when a comment I made on my Facebook page went viral. Relationship Lessons doesn’t exist for traffic, but it also can’t exist without it. And the more people know about this platform, the more my relationship vision becomes a reality. I’ve been writing online for years. I can remember starting with Facebook notes, then on my Facebook page, then Google, then my first personal site, and now RL where you find me today. I’ve learned a lot of lessons along the way, and wanted to share a few of them with you.

Some of your best stuff will be the least read - I couldn’t tell you how many times I poured my all into a post only to see it end up with three comments and few pageviews. It doesn't happen as much anymore, but when I first started, it came with frustration, but the lesson I’ve learned over time was to remind myself that the quality of my work isn’t dictated by traffic. I could write a Pulitzer Prize winning post, but because the title wasn’t extra clickable or it didn’t appeal to a fickle interest, the only people that saw it were the regulars that supported, and a few folks that wanted to be doing anything but work. On some of the same articles where I was ready to beat my head against the wall because of comment count or traffic, I got emails, tweets, Facebook messages from people that appreciated the writing or felt like it had a concrete impact on their life; or at the very least, how they thought about something. It wasn’t until the day I got a message from someone that I’ll never forget that I realized no matter how small the crowd, words matter:

“I just wanted to let you know that your post kept me from making a bad decision.”

That’s about as powerful as it gets. To know you saved someone’s relationship life is a far greater reward than seeing a ton of traffic or comments, or a whole bunch of Facebook or Twitter shares. I felt dumb when I got that message. I feel dumb thinking about it. I’m sitting here thinking about the metrics not being to my liking, while someone is out there going through things and looking for a reason to stay in or get out. Damn...

You never know who is watching, or reading - I’ve had my fair share of good fortune come from writing. I’ve been to conferences. I’ve spoken at events and on shows. None of these things would’ve been possible if I didn’t put my pen to pad...well, fingers to keyboard to create my art. And here’s the interesting thing about my “success” to date. I don’t think it’s because I write these prolific posts that change the world. I don’t think I have this ridiculous network of connections that just pushes me through. I think the right people just see how much effort I put in or they stumble across the right article at the right time. And the people I do meet, I treat them well: reader or Internet famous, friend or acquaintance, I treat them with respect. I’ve received words of encouragement from people I’d never expect to hear from, and each message I get is a source of inspiration. Gratitude is crucial...

No matter how good you are, there will always be people who don't like you - As much as I’d like to say nothing phases me, sometimes I hear or read things that give me pause. I remember my blog on "How I Ended It" went left. I read a few of the comments and…well, you know how that goes. I also remember hearing that my name got thrown all through the mud. I couldn’t understand why, and I was annoyed at what was being said. It felt unfair. It felt unjust. I wanted to reach out to each and every person and find out what the deal was, but that wouldn’t have solved anything because that’s not a good approach to life. There are some people that no matter how much good you do, they will find fault. And it’s those people that we can’t spend our time on...

It's real easy to get caught up chasing someone else's dream - This was the bane of my existence for a while. I’d be looking to the left, right, and in front of me at what others were doing. I’d see the opportunities they were getting and the money they were making, and wondered why I wasn’t having the same success? How could I get those opportunities? How could I get invited to the cool kids table? Those aren’t negative thoughts in and of themselves, but when you adjust your path or vision because of what someone else is doing, you’re on a road to disappointment. You could have all (their) success in the world. But if you’re not doing what’s important to you (what makes you happy), you’ll eventually pay the price. And I can tell you from experience, it’s a price not worth paying...

In conclusion, I look today (the 1st weekend in June) and see that over 105,000 pageviews and over 30,000 likes on the facebook page have occurred. I humbly thank each and every one of you for believing in the lessons enough to keep reading and supporting my vision. Thank you for reading my lessons, and applying them to your own lives...

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Lessons From a Real Husband (Guest Blogger)

So many men in life think to themselves that they live to provide for their seed. Whenever you ask a man about his future he always says, “I want to get married when I’m _________” What they don’t tell you is, “I want to be a great husband.” I felt like I was hit with a ton a bricks when my great friend and line brother once said, “Do you want to get married, or do you want to be a husband? Because the two are very different.” I was looking for a possession and not a life partner. Anyone can buy a house, take a wife, and have children, but that’s not going to make your marriage a success. Now that I've been married and divorced, I think that being a husband means so much more. Instead of me speculating on it myself, I decided to bring in an expert. I’ve asked my friend Chris who is "The Most Interesting Man in the World" to be today's guest blogger, and explain what it means to be a husband.

What’s going on folks? For me, there are two words that describe what it means to be a husband; Selflessness and Leadership. The first thing one needs to understand to be a successful husband is that once you get married, life is no longer about you. Your life from “I Do” forward, will be dedicated to making sure your marriage is successful. Sometimes this means your wants and desires will have to take a backseat to what is best for your union. This can show itself in minor ways, for example, you WANT to wake up early on Saturday morning and play basketball with your boys, but you also know there’s some stuff around the house that needs fixing and you should probably be heading to the Home Depot on Saturday morning. The harder ones are the choices relating to life planning. Another example, we want a child now, but are we ready to be parents. In most cases, what’s best for your union is usually what’s best for you as well. But the tougher decisions are the ones where what’s best for your family, is in direct opposition with what will make you happy. In those cases, being a husband means choosing what’s best for your family 10 times out of 10.

Leadership is a touchy subject as far as marriages are concerned. Lots of people think a marriage should be 50/50. The truth is, marriage is not 50/50 and should not be 50/50. One person should be the clear leader of the marriage, and it should be that person’s responsibility to make sure the marriage is successful. In my household, more than 95% of the decisions are made jointly. Sometimes as a husband, you’ll even just defer and let her choose. But, there will be times when a husband and wife are at two opposite ends of the spectrum on a decision. It’s in those times that the husband needs to step up and make the decision that’s best for the family.

Now, taking a step back, what does it mean to be a leader? It doesn’t mean you make the most money in the house, and it doesn’t mean you don’t have to clean up after yourself. Being a leader means doing whatever you have to do to make sure your marriage works. It means always being the first to apologize after fight, even if you know you were right. It means being reliable, always doing what you say you’re going to do. Sometimes it means making the tough decision. It means having the confidence to make decisions she disagrees with because you know the decision is not for your benefit, or her benefit but the collective benefit of your family. Ultimately, being a leader means being a servant. A servant of the union you committed yourself to. A servant to the seeds you plant with every word you utter, and every decision you make. By the same token, being a leader also means accepting responsibility for all of the failings of your marriage. If you don’t like the way you and your wife are constantly fighting, it’s because you haven’t been leading. If your wife doesn’t seem to trust you, it’s because you haven’t been reliable, and you haven’t done the things you’ve told her you’d do. Leading a household is not a glamorous position.

So all of you "relationshippers" (yes, I follow the facebook page) reading this have to be wondering: If this is what it takes to be a successful husband, what’s the point? Well brothers, you do it because it completes you as a man, it completes you in a way nothing else can. When you marry a woman, you promise your wife, her parents and God that you will be responsible for her for the rest of your life and you become a man. As your marriage progresses, you find yourself growing in ways you never thought possible. You develop wisdom you didn’t know you needed, but now realize you’d be lost without. You sleep peacefully knowing that you’re not alone, and that if something painful or tragic happens, you’ll have someone to share that with. You become more disciplined and centered. And your reward comes in the immeasurable sense of pride and accomplishment you feel when you see someone grow, develop and become better because of you.

Ladies and gentlemen, he's my friend and he is, "The Most Interesting Man in the World"...

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