The Zero Calorie Relationship Substitute

Have you ever dated someone and found yourself confused about the status of your relationship or the level of their commitment? Have you noticed that every time you attempted to clarify things, you were met with a confusing commentary about ‘labels’?  Or maybe you were told, “I just don’t want to get serious with anyone right now, why do we have to make this complicated?”. Well, buckle up because I’m about to blow your wig back (even if you don’t wear one).

We’ve been told for years that this behavior means “They're Just Not That In To You”.  But somehow, we still fall into that trap. Its because your lover SAYS all the right things, but there is something amiss. Here’s the nugget: you're simply the Diet Coke, and in time they will move on to "the real thing". You have to realize that you are the ZERO calorie substitute. You might be best for them and won’t make them fat, but you’re not quite their "real thing". You are just the bookmark that holds the place until the reader decides to turn the page. Ok, I’m sure you get my analogies now.

Here is how it works. People will go to ENORMOUS lengths to get their needs met. Sexual leeches are easy to detect, but sometimes we miss the behavior when it comes to emotional leeches. When a person is in need of support, comfort, companionship or validation, they enter into relationships to get the temporary "fix". It's an attempt to waylay those negative feelings until they can hit the jackpot with their desired mate. I make no judgments about arrangements between consenting adults, but the problem arises when only ONE of them is aware that the desired destination is not mutual. Sometimes people keep you in the dark for fear of losing their source of fulfillment, then you start to feel like you're chasing a kite that you can’t quite catch.

So how do you know when you are the Zero Calorie Sub? Its simple:

1. When a person won’t clearly define your relationship.
2. When a person won’t commit.
3. When your partner seems to be on the hunt.
4. When a person is physically or emotionally inaccessible to you.
5. When you sense indifference or disdain.

So let me wrap this up with some advice. I’m all about HEALTHY relationships, not relationships of convenience. I encourage you to do what works for you, but if you figure out you are Sprite Zero…run like hell or risk getting dumped for a 6-pack of lemon lime goodness...

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300 Words on Being Picky or Patient

Nitpick - (adj.) Overly critical, especially on trivial matters; focused on only trivial aspects

Patient - (adj.) Quietly and steadily persevering or diligent, especially in detail or exactness

Throughout the period of time that we date, we turn down many people in the process. Some people in our eyes are completely out of the question, while others might really be on the fence. Regardless, many face the result of rejection. For the time being, we remain single. Now if you’re like me, then some days you self-reflect. That’s what today’s blog is about. You see, there are times where I simply wonder if I’m being too picky.

I consider myself a patient guy. My thought process is that I’ll know who I want once I get that click with someone. If I don’t get it, then I won’t pursue things on such a serious level. As I examine this dichotomy of patience and nitpicking, I come to one conclusion: it’s hard to gauge what is deemed trivial qualities to someone, and what isn’t to others. It feels like when you haven’t found “The One” that you’re damned if you do or damned if you don’t, and if you’re patient…maybe you’re being too picky. 

If you’re not as patient, then maybe you end up settling. I’m sure settling is a concern that we all have.  I’m sure being patient has yielded positive results for many. Maybe the person you’re meant to be with will somehow find you. There’s a whole bevy of scenarios really.

Of course this post has sparked many questions that I have for you. Can we define what is trivial for someone else? What would you define as settling? Are there time limits to being patient? Can we draw a line between being picky and waiting for the right one?

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