Premature Expectation: The Relationship Killer

Ladies sit down, relax and pay attention, because I’m about to show you how to avoid any more dating stress and anxiety. I am about to show you how to avoid the trap of relationship expectations. But what are relationship expectations, and how do you know if you have them?

Well, let’s say you start dating a new man. He’s amazing in every way imaginable. You start to think to yourself. “I can’t believe how lucky I am. He’s amazing. This is the perfect relationship for me.”

Then you go into relationship forecaster mode. You start predicting when you’re going to marry him and start a family with him. You even start to plan some of the little details of your “big day.” You get so carried away with the future, you forget to remain present and in the moment. You want and need this relationship to work out, but you’re blind to the possibility anything could possibly go wrong. Then all of a sudden, something changes. The relationship breaks down and you’re left broken-hearted.

One of the main reasons your relationships never work out how you plan them, is because you CAN’T plan a relationship. It has to unfold naturally. When you meet someone for the first time, remain open and present, and that way you’ll find out who that person really is.

It’s fine trying to understand men better. It’s fine learning how to connect with men on a very deep level, but even the greatest understanding of what men want and desire in a relationship, doesn’t help you predict the future behavior of one individual man. The only way you can truly get a sense of where a relationship is heading is to be open at all times. Listen to what your man says. Watch his actions. Feel the way he holds and kisses you. Pay attention to everything around you, and you’ll protect yourself from false hope and expectations. It is so very important for you remain present and grounded. It’s the only way to stop yourself from becoming involved in a relationship based on fantasy. When you think about it, relationship forecasting is no different to a 10-day weather forecast. How many times do the weather people get their predictions correct? You can’t forecast relationships, because there’s no way of forecasting something as unpredictable as another human being and their behavior.

Love is unpredictable. In a way, that’s what makes it so fun and exciting, but living in the future is the quickest way to set yourself up for a fall. Remember that men are very much “in the moment” so if you try to get too far ahead of us you’re going to push us away. Enjoy your relationships for what they are, and let them unfold naturally. Just think how boring life would be if you knew exactly what was around every corner. That’s not how life should be, and it’s not how love should be.

So, from this moment on, I want you to make me a promise. No more relationship expectations. There will be a time to expect things from him, but don't jump the gun too soon or else you'll be looking for sun when in fact it's going to rain...  

Heartbreak Shouldn't Destroy You

Today, I’m going to introduce you to a phrase. The phrase I’m going to introduce you to is exceptionally important to the way you experience life from this moment on. Are you ready for it? Life is a series of events. I’ll say it again. Life is a series of events. In fact, grab yourself a pen and paper, or put it in the phone that I’m sure isn’t far away from your hands right now. Life is a series of events. I want you to write that phrase down, say it out loud five times, and then I want you to read it every day when you get up. Now that I believe the phrase life is a series of events is stuck in your head, I need to ask you a question.

Knowing that life is a series of events, why on earth do you let one event destroy some of you so badly? Every day I read emails from men and women, telling me about one event that happened in their life, and now they have completely changed the way they live. Maybe it’s a woman who found out her man cheated on her. Now she’s saying she will never trust another man again. I’ll hear from a man who went out and approached a woman. The approach went OK, but conversation dried up and he ended up losing her interest and feeling embarrassed. Now he tells me he’s not going to bother talking to women because he’s no good at it and hates feeling an idiot. I have even heard from people after a break up who say they’re never going to try to find love ever again.

One bad deal can set people back months, and even years in some cases. The truth is, one thing going wrong in your life is nothing. Every day little things are going to go wrong for people. Every day, big things are going to go wrong for people. It’s how you react to things going wrong that defines who you are and how your life moves forward. If you allow one event to paralyze you, you’re telling the world that’s it, you’re done, and you’re never taking a chance again. In life, we have to open ourselves up emotionally, but it seems like one negative event sends people into such a tailspin they slam down the shutters and close off again. One event makes people decide they’re never again going to become vulnerable. They can’t stand the thought of facing another setback so they’d rather not ever risk opening up to life again.

Here is something you need to realize fast. Life isn’t just a series of events. Life is a series of letdowns. Life is a series of negative events. Life is a series of positive events. Just because you brought one rotten apple from the grocery store, are you never going to eat apples again? People with a strong mentality move on, while those with a weaker mindset allow one event to consume them longer than it needs to.

People who live successful lives look at setbacks as little blips on the radar. The weak look at it as if the whole world has imploded on them. When you allow life to affect you like that, you allow your fears to grow and become more powerful. When you live like that, you allow fear to take control and direct the course of your life. When you live like that, you decide being alone is better than risking any more hurt.

How are you feeling being alone? 

Is it nice staying safe on your own little island? 

Aren’t you getting lonely closing the world out? 

It’s time to face your fears, and it’s time to face your vulnerability. If you don’t put yourself out there, you’ll never feel anything. Isn’t FEELING what life is all about?