This week I want to share with you an e-mail I received talking about the lessons learned from her past relationship and the regrets she carried as well. This is one of the most powerful lessons I've heard in a while, so please open your heart and your minds to hear from Kendra from Chicago...
During
my adult life, I did not realize that there was so much power in my
words. Not until I became a member of my current church, New Life
Covenant, did I realize that I have authority when I speak. My pastor, John F. Hannah
quoted the scripture Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of
the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof”. When God created the Heavens and the earth, in
Genesis Chapter 1, He spoke
it into existence. You may be saying to yourself what does this have to
do with relationships? Everything! We have the power to speak how our
relationships will turn out.
I dated a few men before I was married at the age of 22. Even though I was raised in church, I did not always live a Christian life, and I did not always obey the word of God. I dated men who were not of the same faith. As a matter of fact, I married a man who was a Muslim. This was a mistake from the beginning because we were unequally yoked, but the Bible says that the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and 1 Peter 3:1 says “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives”. Even though I wanted my ex-husband to be saved, my words and my actions did not reveal this desire. The end result is I did not win him over. When I was disappointed in him or disapproved of my ex-husband, I cut him with my words. I didn’t speak life to him, I spoke death. Therefore, he ate those words and always felt defeated. At times, he did not even try to do better. I said things like “you are not a man” and “I don’t need you” and “you are sorry” and “I can do bad all by myself”. These are things that I should not have said.
I should have been encouraging him and helping him as his helpmeet. When he came home from completing job applications, I should have said “everything will be alright because you are trying” or “I am proud of you" or thank you for trying to be the man of this house and taking care of me”. I should have been his biggest cheerleader, but I was not. And guess what...someone else was! Therefore, my husband’s physical body was with me but his heart was far from me. He left the marriage before we were divorced. During these ten years of marriage, I learned a lot that has not only helped me in my friendships but will also help me in my future marriage if the Lord sees fit.
We can learn a lot from each other when it comes to relationships, but we do not want to talk about them. We don't want to be transparent either because of fear, or because we are not free ourselves. I speak freely about my previous marriage and past relationships because they don't affect me today. We should be able to grasp a lesson out of every relationship that we are in. If you want to hold on to your relationship, speak life even when it seems the relationship is dead. While I do regret the things I said to my ex-husband, I thank God for the experience because it was a growing pain for me. What I regret the most was telling my ex-husband to hit me. I wanted him to hit me so that he would go to jail. I threatened him many times, but he was man enough to never lay a hand on me. It's sad, but I was willingly provoking a man to abuse me when so many women suffer from abuse innocently everyday.
Pride will have you say things that you will regret, but as humans and in this flesh, we are bound to make mistakes. It is my prayer that we learn from each other and not repeat the same mistakes. Lastly, I repeatedly told my husband to leave me if he did not want to be with me. When we separated, I wanted to try and work things out, but guess what...he did not want to try to work things out. I got just what I spoke! So be careful of what you ask for and the words that you speak. You will reap what you sow. Build up your mate and your friends and encourage them to do well. We should focus on being more positive and edifying each other. “Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24). Kind words are good for the soul and body!
You too can share your lesson by sending an e-mail to relationshiplessons2013@gmail.com along with a profile picture, and what you've learned from your past relationship, or what you're now learning in your present relationship. The lessons YOU'VE learned can help someone else too!
facebook.com/relationshiplessons
twitter.com/DelvinRestored
I dated a few men before I was married at the age of 22. Even though I was raised in church, I did not always live a Christian life, and I did not always obey the word of God. I dated men who were not of the same faith. As a matter of fact, I married a man who was a Muslim. This was a mistake from the beginning because we were unequally yoked, but the Bible says that the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and 1 Peter 3:1 says “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives”. Even though I wanted my ex-husband to be saved, my words and my actions did not reveal this desire. The end result is I did not win him over. When I was disappointed in him or disapproved of my ex-husband, I cut him with my words. I didn’t speak life to him, I spoke death. Therefore, he ate those words and always felt defeated. At times, he did not even try to do better. I said things like “you are not a man” and “I don’t need you” and “you are sorry” and “I can do bad all by myself”. These are things that I should not have said.
I should have been encouraging him and helping him as his helpmeet. When he came home from completing job applications, I should have said “everything will be alright because you are trying” or “I am proud of you" or thank you for trying to be the man of this house and taking care of me”. I should have been his biggest cheerleader, but I was not. And guess what...someone else was! Therefore, my husband’s physical body was with me but his heart was far from me. He left the marriage before we were divorced. During these ten years of marriage, I learned a lot that has not only helped me in my friendships but will also help me in my future marriage if the Lord sees fit.
We can learn a lot from each other when it comes to relationships, but we do not want to talk about them. We don't want to be transparent either because of fear, or because we are not free ourselves. I speak freely about my previous marriage and past relationships because they don't affect me today. We should be able to grasp a lesson out of every relationship that we are in. If you want to hold on to your relationship, speak life even when it seems the relationship is dead. While I do regret the things I said to my ex-husband, I thank God for the experience because it was a growing pain for me. What I regret the most was telling my ex-husband to hit me. I wanted him to hit me so that he would go to jail. I threatened him many times, but he was man enough to never lay a hand on me. It's sad, but I was willingly provoking a man to abuse me when so many women suffer from abuse innocently everyday.
Pride will have you say things that you will regret, but as humans and in this flesh, we are bound to make mistakes. It is my prayer that we learn from each other and not repeat the same mistakes. Lastly, I repeatedly told my husband to leave me if he did not want to be with me. When we separated, I wanted to try and work things out, but guess what...he did not want to try to work things out. I got just what I spoke! So be careful of what you ask for and the words that you speak. You will reap what you sow. Build up your mate and your friends and encourage them to do well. We should focus on being more positive and edifying each other. “Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24). Kind words are good for the soul and body!
You too can share your lesson by sending an e-mail to relationshiplessons2013@gmail.com along with a profile picture, and what you've learned from your past relationship, or what you're now learning in your present relationship. The lessons YOU'VE learned can help someone else too!
facebook.com/relationshiplessons
twitter.com/DelvinRestored
No comments:
Post a Comment