We had a big turning on of the Christmas lights celebration right after Thanksgiving, followed by the lighting of the Christmas tree in downtown Chicago. There were fireworks a kindle fair and of
course, the atmosphere was electric (pun intended). The build-up and all the hype of the
Christmas holiday season has definitely started! Christmas can be a welcome break from work and routine, but it can
also be a peak time of stress for your relationship. We have the
opportunity to use the Christmas period to spend quality time with the
ones we love, and to slow down and relax. We look forward to spending time doing what we please. However, far from slowing down and relaxing, we can often feel
overwhelmed and anxious as we strive to meet our own and others high
expectations. Far from being the relaxing oasis from the daily grind,
the Christmas holidays can feel rushed and pressurized as we take on one
obligation after another. We rush to send out Christmas cards, make plans for social events, attend Christmas services, go to school concerts and family get togethers. This can all be great fun, but all this frenetic activity can put your relationship under a lot of pressure…
Did you know that most break-ups occur over the Christmas-New Year's holiday season? We can put ourselves under a lot of pressure because we feel guilty
and selfish about not meeting the needs of others. We feel we “ought” to be
rushing around keeping everyone happy, but this sense of obligation can
have a toxic effect on our relationships. It’s OK to give yourself permission NOT to write hundreds of Christmas cards, or go to every office party, etc. It’s NOT being selfish or mean to say “no” when you
really don’t feel like it. It’s not being selfish to cut back on
obligations that maybe aren’t in your best interests in order to spend
time nurturing your relationship. Although we may feel that our partner is the most important person in the world, we often don’t prioritize our relationship:
- We allow family, friends to come first.
- We get distracted by phone calls or text messages, instead of giving our partner our undivided attention.
- We take each other for granted and break arrangements with each other when some thing else “comes up”.
- We end up arguing over trival things, and avoid addressing the root causes.
- We have good ideas about where we could be going with our relationship, but these ideas often don’t get beyond the planning stage in our own minds.
- We simply don’t spend quality time together.
The Christmas holiday season is a good time to give yourself
permission to put aside obligations that might be having a bad effect on
your relationship, and using that time to cherish and grow your
relationship. Its an ideal opportunity to reflect on what you both really want
and need from your relationship, and talk together with your partner
about how to get it. Here are a couple of golden nuggets I’ve picked up along the way in getting a better understanding of what to do.
- Instead of watching your favorite episode of whatever, switch off the TV and talk for an hour. If nothing else this shows you value your relationship.
- Start the conversation by each saying three things you respect, value and appreciate about the other.
Remember, the more you invest in your relationship, the more you will value it...
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