Wednesday, April 29, 2015

How Your Love Life Is Affected Being An Optimist or A Pessimist



Welcome to the age of endless options and unlimited swipes. We are all well aware that our generation’s way of dating is unique. We communicate through screens, easily hide our true feelings, and participate in a series of never-ending games. More so, we have pre-concieved mindsets on love and dating. While some of us are eager to connect, the rest of us would rather commit to all 11 seasons of “Grey's Anatomy” before settling down with one person. Despite our personal habits and preferences, there’s one question that still remains. How heavily do our attitudes affect our potential to have a relationship?

Typically, there are two different groups we land in: the optimists and the pessimists. Optimists and pessimists usually create a divide within our society. A pessimist by definition, believes the evil or hardships in life outweigh the good or luxuries. On the other end of the spectrum, we define an optimist as one who tends to look on the more favorable side of events and expects the most desirable outcome. While the pessimists are constantly anticipating the worst, optimists are only envisioning the best. Of course, someone can be optimistic about work, and at the same time be extremely pessimistic when it comes to love. Although most studies show optimism has its health benefits, the let-down is far easier with some good ol’ pessimistic thinking.

So what if an optimist falls for a pessimist, or vice versa? For the vast majority who are stuck in their ways, many might view dating his or her opposite as a force not to be reckoned with. After all, changing somebody else’s attitude is even harder (if not damn near impossible) than changing your own. In a perfect world, we would all be realists. But perfect is hardly a word we use to describe our world, especially when it comes to commitment and relationships. So which side do we pick? Which mindset is the “right” one when it comes to playing the dating game?

Optimists - Optimists are motivated by their dreams and enjoy making big things happen. They are the ones in the pilot seats, and when it comes to dating, they are the ones who go for it. They operate on blind ambition and a hell of a lot of hope. While this may sound negative, these qualities translate to confidence in the dating world, which brings me to my next point: Confidence is hot, and pretty much always works in your favor. Optimists know what they want and they don’t keep their hearts locked in cages. They’re go-getters who only want the real thing and are never afraid to try. Plus, one of the oldest adages in the book says, “you miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take” (thank you, Wayne Gretzky). The optimists might experience a wider range of emotions and get hurt more often, but at least they have faith. As long as they don’t get lost in their own version of reality, they are pretty good at getting knocked down and getting back up again.  

Pessimists - In the dating world, a pessimist doesn’t like to waste their time wondering if the person they are seeing likes him or her. They aren’t plucking daisies reciting “he loves me, he loves me not” while walking down the street. They have already decided, all men are dogs and all women are crazy. They would most likely rather have pizza than deal with real feelings. Pessimists impose purposeful ignorance and are particularly good at fooling themselves. Often, they protect their hearts and keep their guards up because there is no such thing as love, and the odds say that most relationships fail anyway, right? A true pessimist does not understand why anyone would want to put him or herself out there because “caring” only leads to stress and over analyzing. Even worse, you become invested in something that hasn’t even begun. C’mon now, who would willingly want to put themselves out there and risk the unbearable, unendurable, unsupportable and never-ending feeling called heartbreak? In their minds, it’s much easier to close themselves off and go along with the “corrupt” hook-up culture. They give up and keep their options readily available. Truthfully, there is no “right” mindset. But whichever side of the spectrum you see yourself on, it’s a good idea to take some advice from the other. By having yin and yang qualities within, your love life will withhold a healthy and balanced outlook.

The Bottom Line - Optimists: Guard your hearts a little better, or you’ll end up with quite a mess. Not everyone deserves a piece of it, so treat it like a prize. Think of it like the Stanley Cup (go Blackhawks!) or a limited-edition Birkin bag. Pessimists: Let your feelings out of their cages every once in a while. Stop being chicken and give them a chance. You might be pleasantly surprised... 

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