Probably the hardest relationship pill there is to swallow is the pill of forgiveness. However, when it is necessary medicine for your healing, it might be a good idea to fill that prescription. There are plenty of blogs out there to tell you how to forgive, and the benefits of forgiving, and what forgiveness is, but today I want to share with you what forgiveness in a relationship is not.
Forgiveness is not a green light for allowing them to continue in their foolishness. Everyone makes mistakes, but even mistakes become intentional if they go by unchecked. In too many relationships people use the "I'm sorry card" to ask for forgiveness, only to repeat the same behavior again and again. I'm not telling you that I read or heard, I'm telling you what I know and did as often as I could. In my bastard days, I never thought of how my actions impacted the woman I was with. After a while, continuing in my "I'm sorry" was as common a reflex as blinking my eyes because I took advantage of being out there without any balances or accountability.
Forgiveness is not forgetfulness. Men equate forgiving with forgetting, and the two have never been so different from each other. I will probably go to my grave with this statement somewhere on my headstone for a reminder for others who are just walking by: "Men have NO idea how long something they say or do can stay in a woman's mind". Don't fall for the belief that if you forgive them, you can no longer hold it against them. Trust is EARNED, not given so by all means if the doghouse needs remodeling to accommodate a new tenet for a while, call a carpenter or watch HGTV to get a few tips, but distance is definitely needed.
Forgiveness is not allowing the experiences of the past to dominate your future. Once you give your heart to someone, you have no control over how they treat what is valuable and precious to you. It would only be fair and right to think that they would handle something so fragile with care. Unfortunately, this behavior is often the opposite. Unforgivness harbors anger and breeds contempt, as forgiveness releases YOU (never mind them) from the hurt it causes. Whoever doesn't take care of heart matters, often make it that much harder to recognize those who can take care of them. At some point you can't take out your frustrations on the next person who hasn't done what the previous man or woman did.
We have the ability to forgive, but forgiving someone comes with a heightened sense of being careful not to let it happen again. If you continue to let foolishness happen, if you don't pay attention to their tendencies, and if you let it keep you angry and stuck, it may say more about YOU than it could ever say about them...
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