The Relationship Elephant In The Room

Ah love! Everybody wants it, some will find it, but even fewer will keep it. In fact, love is not really an elephant in the room because usually when people love each other, you know it. They demonstrate it at every opportunity. It’s evident in their speech and their treatment of each other. So, why do I say this? I am so glad that you asked. I'm saying this because love is one of the most misused emotions in our lives. We have twisted love into being all sorts of things that it isn’t, and out of being the one thing that it truly is. Love is about giving…of yourself.

It’s not about paying your bills, or getting this and that for yourself, nor is it about someone doing everything that you tell (not ask) them to do. It’s also not about physical or emotional abuse, or other ways that you can mistreat someone in your life. Again, love is about giving…positively and unconditionally. Love becomes an elephant in the room when we don’t see the giving. When we feel that what we receive is tainted or laced with conditions, the elephant is more the question of “do you love me?” Isn’t "do you love" me always the question? Cue the all too famous Halle Berry with Eddie Murphy scene from the movie Boomerang.

“What do you know about love? What do you possibly think you know about love? You know, I am sick and tired of men using love like its some kind of disease you just catch. LOVE should have brought you’re a** home last night!”

That’s a great line, and it illustrates my next point. What will shock many of you is the person you are with does love you, they just may not know how or be able to love you the way that you prefer or deserve to be loved. Shocked? Of course not, you already knew that. In Boomerang, the character Marcus (Eddie Murphy) loved Angela (Halle Berry), but he really didn’t know how to love her the way she needed at that point. It happens. Let me make it easy on you, not only is love about giving, but it’s about making a decision. I repeat, loving someone is a decision. It’s not an emotion, and it shouldn’t be something that you turn off at-will. Two people who love each other should, and will give to each other. They should make each other better. This doesn’t mean that they won’t argue, or disagree. But it does mean this isn’t all that they do, and it means that when they argue or disagree, they don’t strive to hurt each other. So, what to do? I often use the term, “add, subtract, multiply, divide”. I didn’t make it up, but it does apply here, so I'm sharing it with you. Sometimes you have to ask yourself, “what does this love do for me?” Hopefully, it looks like this:

ADD: LOVE
SUBTRACT: PAIN, BEING ALONE, SPITEFULNESS, BITTERNESS
MULTIPLY: JOY, AMBITIONS, PEACE, BETTER, A TRUE PARTNER, TEAMMATE
DIVIDE: FEELINGS THAT I WOULD NEVER LOVE AGAIN, PAST HURTS

If for some reason you do this exercise, and it doesn’t remotely resemble what’s above, you might have some decisions to make. I hope this blog has encouraged you to make them, because a love is no good for you, if it’s bad...

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If She Makes The First Move, Then She Is...

…a woman who sees what she wants, and goes after it. There’s a misconception being spread by a particular relationship expert (I won’t call names), that women who make the first move are thirsty and selling themselves short. She, like a lot of women, don’t understand why a man might not be so quick to approach her. Typically women will just claim that they’re “old fashioned” to justify sitting back and letting men come to them. Then again, slavery is old fashioned too, but it doesn’t make it right. Whatever you do, don’t turn into one of those “a real man ain’t scared to make the first move” types, because eHarmony will be knocking on your door by age 40 when you say all the good men are taken.

It’s not about being scared, it’s about whether or not the odds are in our favor. Men assess the situation and get in where they fit in, which sometimes means staying out of the situation. For example, a basketball player could pull up for the jumper, but if the entire opposing team is guarding him close, he’ll more than likely opt out. Given that not every man is Jordan in the 4th quarter, you don’t want to ruin your chances, so you might have opt out and try another time. It doesn’t help if you have 20 of your girlfriends with you to multiply the humiliation should you perform your best “boy bye” once the stage is yours. You might find it cute while it boosts your ego, but it depletes ours. No other woman is going to want to entertain the guy who just got shot down. Imagine if you saw that happen and he came to you next…..right.

You say “I intimidate most men” and I say, whoa…slow your roll. Sure, it’s a comforting thought how you’re so sexy, and that while only the strong may survive, the meek shall not inherit your earth…but chill. Some men really don’t care whether you say yes or no, they’ll approach you out of sheer apathy because the part of you they really want comes a dime a dozen. The guy who’s looking for that one in a million girl at least cares about the chance to get to know you. Besides, it doesn’t take a "brave" man to approach you the same way it doesn’t take a "brave" man to see somebody shooting at them and refuse to duck. Some dudes just have their ‘give-a-ish’ knob broken. That’s the same guy that sees you coming out the health clinic in tears but will stop you to say, “Ay yo ma, come holla at me”.

You may think it’s unladylike to make the first move if you have the wrong idea about what constitutes one. The first move can be as subtle as eye contact WITHOUT looking away when you see him looking at you, or opening up a conversation with a friendly “hi”. You shouldn’t make any overly aggressive moves like buying drinks or winking. If at some point he doesn’t take the lead in the moves being made, then he’s just not that into you. It’s not a detriment to your ambition so don’t think you have to try harder, because your face will hurt even more when you fall flat on it. There’s a lot of pressure on men to be mind readers and know the difference between a woman who’s attracted to us or just being “flirty”, but if you give us just a little hint, then we’ll fly with it. But giving us a "I haven’t had my coffee today" look when we step to you tends to clip our wings.

Also understand that by first move (and I don’t mean the 2nd, 3rd and 20th), that chasing anyone is an absolute hell-no. Last time I checked, you could only chase something that’s trying to get away from you. Either he wants you, or he doesn’t. Even if you win his game of playing hard to get, at the end of the day he’ll throw it in your face that he never wanted you to begin with should you ever think about leveraging the fact that you deserve to be treated right. Instead, you want to keep the ball in your court so we still respect the fact that there’s many more where you came from. Put the odds in our favor, make a subtle first move, THEN let us come to you. I’m 100% Lance Armstrong positive this will work like a charm. You can thank me later...

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The Five First Date Dealbreakers

Today, I'm looking out for the fellas. Keep in mind fellas that women are unpredictable individuals with many delicate sensibilities, but it's not their fault. Not only are women bred differently, but they also are affected differently by things that don’t have much of an effect on men. When it comes to dating, there are some things men can do that will have her heat switch permanently iced over. I know, I know… lots of these things seem small, but remember what I said about delicate sensibilities. A couple of days ago, I asked women to inbox me on the Relationship Lessons Facebook page, and I asked both men and women to comment on my personal Facebook page to name things said or done on a first date that would guarantee not having a second date, and here are the five dating dealbreakers:

1. HE'S DISTRACTED - Women always like to be the center of attention, especially on a date. So when a man is constantly checking his phone or checking the score of the game over her shoulder, she feels unimportant. Show her she is your priority by giving her 100% of your attention on the date.
   
2. POOR COMMUNICATION - Verbal communication is a primal source of connection for women. Just as men need visual stimulation, women need to know you are willing to invest in getting to know and understand her by asking questions, taking mental notes and applying what you have learned. Telling her what is on your mind is a HUGE turn on!
3. GROPING, OGLING and OTHER DEMORALIZING BEHAVIOR – You might want to keep yourself from acting on it, but imagining squeezing her all too irresistible butt cheeks and staring at her breasts all through dinner certainly won’t win you any brownie points. Show her she has your admiration and respect by doing what a gentleman would do.
4. BEING DISRESPECTFUL – I know this one can be left open to interpretation, but let me give you a few examples. Staring at other women, and talking down to her or anything that implies she should “stay in her place” are all things that will get you added to the “DO NOT ANSWER” list.  (That’s the list of men who women send straight to voicemail and never return their calls).
   
5. POOR PERSONAL HYGIENE – This should be self explanatory, but let me add a few in here. In addition to bad smells, dirty clothes, or funky breath, we can throw in dirty nails, uncut/ ungroomed hair and wrinkled clothes. If any of this is going on, all she is thinking is how much work you are going to be.

If I had to add to this list with a couple of "not so honorable mentions", they would be...

• BAD TABLE MANNERS – This probably seems minute, but its a stickler. Polishing off the rest of her food then burping in her face is a 100% guarantee that she won’t be seeing you again.
• HE'S INCONSIDERATE – Women like to know that you find value in them, especially their time and energy. So things like being late without calling are sure to set off alarms.

These are just a few of the points made on Facebook. I'd love to know if I missed anything, or if you have more to add...  

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The Five Ways to Define Love

Love??? What the hell is that? The dictionary (depending on which one you choose) has a bunch of different definitions. They can’t even decide if it’s a noun, verb, or an adjective. And with all that, you with your smart self think you know EXACTLY what love is? Some swear it’s what you can do for them, and others how you make them feel. Most of us think we know it all, so if you don’t do it the way we think, then you don’t know what love is. But just like the dictionary, there are so many definitions. How do you know who’s wrong or right? I know Keith Sweat says "there is a right and a wrong way to love somebody", but he couldn’t even tell you what it was.

People start working out their definition from the time they exit the womb. All kinds of things play a part in molding the way they think. Love becomes an equation with all these inter-changeable variables: How did their parents treat them? What kind of relationship did they see their parents have? Childhood friendships and even those puppy love relationships that you had when you are too young to know what love is, helps you to build your definition.

The truth is, I wish I could tell you what love is. Even if I could tell you, the probability is high that you wouldn’t believe me anyway. At the end of the day, it really is what you think it is. Now the real trick is in finding someone who thinks and feels the same way you do. The problem with that is they don’t exist. No two people think and feel the exact same way about everything. Even if you feel the same about almost everything, somewhere on something you are different. It’s the same way when it comes to love. Your definitions might be almost the same, but not exactly the same, yet it can still be love.

Here is how you define love in your relationship:

1. Tell them what you believe love is – The only way they’ll know what you expect is if you tell them.
2. Find out what they believe love is – Remember, everyone is different and has their own definition.
3. Figure out what you have in common – Even though they have a bunch of different definitions, most share some common factor.
4. Examine the things you disagree on – You won’t agree on everything, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
5. Figure out how the differences can benefit you – You learned the good things about love, and you also learned some bad things about it. Some of the differences may help you to let go of those bad things you’ve learned.

At the end of the day it’s not what anyone else says what love is. It’s what the two people in that relationship says love is, and as long as they agree that’s all that matters. Besides, who are we to say what the hell love is???

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Men Are Either The Quarterback or A Punt Returner

I know you are probably wondering what kind of statement is that, as the quarterback is the most valuable position on the team. Quarterbacks are supposedly the star of the team, they're usually paid the most, they lead the men in the huddle on and off the field, and whenever the ball is placed in their hands, everyone expects magic to happen. They carry the weight of the team’s performance on the field squarely on their shoulders. Once the game is over, quarterbacks are the ones along with the head coach that reporters scramble to get comments from. They are influencers and decision makers, but without a great offense and defense, they wouldn’t be able to do what they do. Let's not forget about the punt returner? They are a valuable part of the team as they return the receiving ball to gain greater field position. The better the return, the better the chance of the quarterback leading the team into the end-zone for a touchdown. They are however, on the field a fraction of the percentage time as that of the quarterback, so they are soon forgotten and not looked upon as the influencers or decision makers on the team. In relationships, men often need to take a look at THEIR position on the team. Do our partners believe we are in it to win it, and assuming the quarterback lead? Do they see us as punt returners who only come out on the field when called upon, hoping you're able to finally move things forward, and put them in good position to take back over what should be your game to lead? Men, take the quiz and see which position you hold most often.

1. Do you take the initiative to ensure the partnership is moving in a positive direction with your finances, or do you wait to see what’s left at the end once she pays the bills and gives you an update?
2. Do you come together for regular meetings or gatherings to ensure everyone is on the same page, or do you wait until something is out of line and you are called to handle it?
3. Do your remind your partner that she is valuable and appreciated with reinforcements like a thank-you, or do you constantly tune out complaints that she feels under-appreciated and overlooked?
4. After a trying and tiring day on the field (home or work) do you take time to encourage her and have her back, or do you check out on your own and figure she will be all right tomorrow?
5. Are you invested 100% and show up daily in the relationship to work, or are you in the relationship 50% of the time and spend it on the sideline as a spectator?

If you find your actions are lining up with the punt returner position, learn the lesson and adjust accordingly to become the quarterback in your relationship she needs you to be. Lead your family and leave a legacy that would make her proud to be a part of your winning team.

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Love & Order: Possession With Intent

That devastating moment when you get caught for Possession with Intent. You thought that as a man you were gonna enjoy recreational use of a woman’s romantic and sexual energies, and keep your freedom at the same damn time? Or maybe, you thought as a woman, you'd enjoy the financial attention a man paid you, in denial of the fact that it was really an advance against future commitment? Now you’re in their custody, with a record as an offender who broke the laws of love. Let me be the first to tell you that it is not easy to get that charge dropped, and your name cleared. What's worse is that the good ones who fit the description are now being profiled, tried for negligent possession and sentenced for ill intentions. Skepticism has become evidence, and potential relationships are being arrested in their tracks on suspicion of wrongdoing. In reality, it’s a person’s intent that should determine their sentence. I'm here to tell you that it is now time to re-examine our views on Possession and Intent.

I get it. It's intoxicating to have a woman fulfill your every sexual desire, to have all of her energy available for your leisure. When she’s down for whatever, doing whatever, sending you adult pics at work like its whatever – it’s like that first hit, that first line, the first pill. I imagine that it must feel similar as a woman to have a man willing to devote his every resource to your disposal. You call him up when your boyfriend is tripping, and he always answers, giving you soft encouragement and kind reinforcement. He’s always there to make up for whatever you are lacking at the moment, be it emotional or material. How convenient, but you must understand that people rarely give the most valuable parts of themselves with no expectation in return. Did you really believe that your woman is going to continue to give herself to you while you live your life without her? Did you honestly think that your man will not begin to demand more of your attention and affection, and eventually your loyalty to him alone? Don't be naïve enough to think that you can enjoy these privileges at no cost to you at all. You will set yourself up for a severe sentence which can range from nine months to life, or in extreme cases, death.

The Latin phrase for this is called "quid pro quo", and it means “this for that”. The exchange of goods and services is the oldest business principal around, and it applies to relationships as well. We each have perks that come with being ours, and we exchange them for benefits that we find equally valuable in others. But the key word is exchange, not extract or exploit. The underlying issue is that nowadays, people have major issues with possession and control, and we are rebelling against it without regard to a person’s intentions. This is neither a male problem, nor is it a female problem. It's a generational abnormality, where we have championed independence to the point that co-dependence is looked upon with disdain. If you have to answer to someone, it is considered weak. If someone holds power in your life, your wings are clipped and you’re neutered. And of course you’ve been hurt before, so another heartbreak would be devastating. Cue the violins. 

I understand that you have to balance being cautious with being open. That is a legitimate concern: making yourself available, but not getting taken advantage of. The key is to choose someone who has demonstrated your best interests in mind. For that, you gotta give them a piece of you to see what they do with it. It’s like measured risk with a free sample of your product, then you observe. From there you can measure their intent and make the decision to cuff em or let em go, but you gotta roll the dice. Possession in love is a fact. You cannot enjoy the many privileges that accompany love and monogamy without adhering to its rules – and yes, surrendering some of your own freedom for the greater good. What you should be aiming for is to be possessed by someone whose visions for you align with those you have for yourself. If you want to remain untamed and unchained, that's fine, just remember that you will also remain unclaimed...

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Men and Feelings

Who was the first fool that said real men don’t have feelings? I just want to meet them. It's said that real men are supposed to be SUPERHUMAN or something? Knock it off please! Jesus wept, Superman had kryptonite, and even the Tin Man cried with no heart. Please stop buying into this macho garbage. Yes, men do have feelings even if we never say it. There are times when we hurt, and if it hurts bad enough, we even cry. Does that make me weak, or any less of a man? What it makes me, is human!

From a man’s earliest memories, we are taught that any expression of our feelings make us soft, and crying is acting like a girl. If you were hurt, MAN UP! I spent most of my childhood hiding damn near every pain I ever felt. The funniest part of that is my childhood was the weakest and most painful point of my life. Fortunately I learned better, however most men live their entire lives buying into this lie.

For many of us, we are brainwashed into believing we’re supposed to be emotionally numb. It’s no wonder so many of us are messed up. Most of us are taught the wrong things and expected to do right. It even spills over to our women, to a point where they don’t know how to deal with a man who can express himself.

The earliest stages of your emotional development will dictate how you function as an adult. On the one hand, most men hear we’re not supposed to show emotions, yet sleeping with as many women as you can and keeping everything bottled up makes you a man. Now, we are dysfunctional adults hopping in and out of relationships, because we don’t know how to function in one.

I can’t speak for everyone, but for me and many others, we do have feelings. I can honestly say that I can’t wait until I talk to The One whom I can share my secrets with. The moment that I can enjoy being open to the point where she can share my weakest moment, and see all of my strengths at the same time. Just remember, unlike Santa Claus and talking M&M’s, real men with feelings do exist… 

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Five Ways On How To Leave Insecure and Angry Partners

If you've ever been in a situation where you wanted to break it off with someone who is angry and insecure, then you know how hard it can be. You might be in that situation right now. Many people often wonder how they found themselves in a relationship with someone like that in the first place: They impressed your friends and family, made you feel like you were on top of the world, treated you like a prince or princess...and it all changed one day. They became a stranger, and you saw their insecurities, anger, frustration and lack of patience, and soon you realized they had a darker side than you could've ever imagined. They may have even battled with addictions. What do you do then? How do you break up without worrying if they're going to get revenge on you?

This is one of the most difficult situations that a couple can face. Breaking up with someone that has lost all common sense can be tough or even terrifying. There is an old saying my Pop would come up with, “if you find your hand stuck in a lion’s mouth, don’t yank it out – you ease it out.” Whoever shared that knowledge with him either witnessed the bloody aftermath or saw the success of someone pulling his hand back to safety that there was no question which option you should choose. Weaning them off of you is the only way to handle situations like this. If you notice that your partner starts displaying abusive tendencies, then it is time to do something but acting fast is not the way to go. So, here are some tips to wean off a potentially dangerous partner:

1. Don’t allow yourself to get into an argument with them: They will blow up, and then calm down and apologize – pretending that everything is normal (even though you know there is trouble ahead). 
2. Don’t answer every call: Weaning someone off can be difficult especially if they continue to disrupt you by calling repeatedly. 
3. Make other people that you both know aware of their erratic behavior:  People will be less likely to act out on their anger if they know that other people are watching them closely. 
4. Be consistent with your words: This is probably the most important rule! Don’t tell your partner that you don’t want to deal with them, then let them back in your life because you are lonely. This is the biggest mistake that most couples make dealing with an abuse partner.  They won’t believe that you are serious about not wanting to be with them anymore if you keep playing games. 
5. Don’t put a restraining order on them right away:  This may have the same effect of yanking the hand out of the lion’s mouth, causing him to snap even faster.  A restraining order is best if all else has failed.

If you are trying to break up with a man or woman who is not mentally stable, you must take the necessary precautions to keep yourself safe. You don’t know what they will do next, so it is important to anticipate their next move. Protecting yourself is first and foremost, be consistent in your words and your actions, and if that fails, contact authorities and their family. They may be able to talk them down from their anger, and will be less likely to react if they know that family is involved. Everyone has to deal with a difficult breakup at least once in life. However, how you handle your breakup with someone who shows signs of mental instability is what will keep you from starring on the next episode of “Snapped.”

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The Lesson Of Marrying Too Soon

It’s a realization some couples come to after they’ve been married a while. It’s painful to even acknowledge this. At least for me, it was one of the most difficult lessons I had to learn after divorcing my first wife and marrying again. How divorcees arrive at this point varies: perhaps the honeymoon stage wore off quicker than either of us expected. It could be that there are conversations that should’ve been had before the we said “I do”, but we didn’t realize it until after. Maybe I “woke up” one day to realize that I don’t know my spouse at all. Whatever the case, couples are left with three options when facing this realization. I can admit that I experienced all of these realizations and more. As much as I believe in marriage, I also believe in the very real divorce rate. If you're in this situationship like I was, you can either:

• A)  Ignore it, and continue on as if this knowledge never surfaced,
• B)  Analyze why they came to this realization and work through it, or
• C)  take the knowledge and rectify the mistake by ending the marriage.

Ignore

Ignoring the fact that you moved too fast is a way for many other issues to fester. The marriage will not grow because neither of you are willing to look at what could possibly rock the foundations of the marriage. The two won’t know how to deal with each others quirks that may not have been evident before. There will be no intimacy within the union, and without that key ingredient, the 800 pound gorilla will continue to be in the room. The spouses can hope that nothing else will upset their marriage, but the reality is, if you don’t deal with the “we rushed” fact, ANYTHING will be a challenge for you. The best course of action is to analyze what made you realize that you did in fact, rush.

Analyze

This is tough. Both spouses have to be open, honest, and transparent when discussing why they feel like they moved too fast. If either person is not going to do the required “soul-baring” that is needed for this to work, then the marriage will likely be headed for a split anyway. But if they both are committed to the marriage, regardless of how it started, then this option can be the binding that strengthens the bond. Each has to be willing to listen to the other, and not be quick to judge how the other feels. Nor can they dismiss the others thoughts. Increasing their devotion to each other is goal. Perhaps they’ll need marital counseling to work through the feelings, but the goal is to stay married. Both spouses made a vow before God to stay, through thick and thin. That vow doesn’t change just because two people married too fast. If they think it does, then they’ve reached…

The End

This is where I eventually landed in my process. It was real, and I was tired of holding water in my cupped hands while trying not to have any of it spill out. Some couples just don’t see the point in continuing a marriage where one, or both of them feel like the fact that they got together too fast can be overcome. They’re both willing to, in a sense, cut their losses and go. The split can be affable, or acrimonious, but it will happen regardless, especially if no children are involved. If kids are, then the situation can get…interesting. Nevertheless, the spouses made a decision to end their union. They’ll both take it as a learning experience, and ideally, won’t make the same choices again.

Have you ever felt like you got married to fast?  Which option did you and your spouse choose?  Have things gotten better, stayed the same, or gotten worse?  If you did end up divorcing, what would you tell others who got married too fast?

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The Zero Calorie Relationship Substitute

Have you ever dated someone and found yourself confused about the status of your relationship or the level of their commitment? Have you noticed that every time you attempted to clarify things, you were met with a confusing commentary about ‘labels’?  Or maybe you were told, “I just don’t want to get serious with anyone right now, why do we have to make this complicated?”. Well, buckle up because I’m about to blow your wig back (even if you don’t wear one).

We’ve been told for years that this behavior means “They're Just Not That In To You”.  But somehow, we still fall into that trap. Its because your lover SAYS all the right things, but there is something amiss. Here’s the nugget: you're simply the Diet Coke, and in time they will move on to "the real thing". You have to realize that you are the ZERO calorie substitute. You might be best for them and won’t make them fat, but you’re not quite their "real thing". You are just the bookmark that holds the place until the reader decides to turn the page. Ok, I’m sure you get my analogies now.

Here is how it works. People will go to ENORMOUS lengths to get their needs met. Sexual leeches are easy to detect, but sometimes we miss the behavior when it comes to emotional leeches. When a person is in need of support, comfort, companionship or validation, they enter into relationships to get the temporary "fix". It's an attempt to waylay those negative feelings until they can hit the jackpot with their desired mate. I make no judgments about arrangements between consenting adults, but the problem arises when only ONE of them is aware that the desired destination is not mutual. Sometimes people keep you in the dark for fear of losing their source of fulfillment, then you start to feel like you're chasing a kite that you can’t quite catch.

So how do you know when you are the Zero Calorie Sub? Its simple:

1. When a person won’t clearly define your relationship.
2. When a person won’t commit.
3. When your partner seems to be on the hunt.
4. When a person is physically or emotionally inaccessible to you.
5. When you sense indifference or disdain.

So let me wrap this up with some advice. I’m all about HEALTHY relationships, not relationships of convenience. I encourage you to do what works for you, but if you figure out you are Sprite Zero…run like hell or risk getting dumped for a 6-pack of lemon lime goodness...

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300 Words on Being Picky or Patient

Nitpick - (adj.) Overly critical, especially on trivial matters; focused on only trivial aspects

Patient - (adj.) Quietly and steadily persevering or diligent, especially in detail or exactness

Throughout the period of time that we date, we turn down many people in the process. Some people in our eyes are completely out of the question, while others might really be on the fence. Regardless, many face the result of rejection. For the time being, we remain single. Now if you’re like me, then some days you self-reflect. That’s what today’s blog is about. You see, there are times where I simply wonder if I’m being too picky.

I consider myself a patient guy. My thought process is that I’ll know who I want once I get that click with someone. If I don’t get it, then I won’t pursue things on such a serious level. As I examine this dichotomy of patience and nitpicking, I come to one conclusion: it’s hard to gauge what is deemed trivial qualities to someone, and what isn’t to others. It feels like when you haven’t found “The One” that you’re damned if you do or damned if you don’t, and if you’re patient…maybe you’re being too picky. 

If you’re not as patient, then maybe you end up settling. I’m sure settling is a concern that we all have.  I’m sure being patient has yielded positive results for many. Maybe the person you’re meant to be with will somehow find you. There’s a whole bevy of scenarios really.

Of course this post has sparked many questions that I have for you. Can we define what is trivial for someone else? What would you define as settling? Are there time limits to being patient? Can we draw a line between being picky and waiting for the right one?

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