Five Reasons To Appreciate Thanksgiving - Single Or Not

Tis the season for giving thanks, and we all have plenty to be thankful for! Are you in a steady, wonderful and loving relationship? Give thanks! Are you single this holiday season, looking for that special someone to turn you into a puddle of schoolgirl giggles? You have a lot to be thankful for too. Personally, I have spent Thanksgivings and Christmases as a single person, as a relationship person, and as a married person. I have enjoyed holidays in all of these states of relationships and non-relationships. It's really an attitude and a choice. What makes people unhappy about being single on a holiday such as Thanksgiving is wishing they were somewhere else, with someone else, either physically or relationship wise. So my humble advice would be this: get over it! You are where you are, so make the best of it and stop grumbling about what's not right in your life. Embrace where you are right now! Here are five reasons why you should appreciate Relationship Thanksgiving.

1. A day off. I am a big fan of national holidays, every national holiday. Its a day off of work, so it's a day that can be spent doing something different than the regular 9 to 5 routine. Sleep in late if you want to, watch football on TV if you want to, hang out with your brother, sister or your best friend if you want to. Read a really good book, take a walk in the park, or do something for yourself and give a quiet moment of thanks for a little time off. 

2. Simplicity. We all know how holidays are supposed to be, right? We have images in our heads of the Norman Rockwell paintings of families gather around impossibly perfect holiday meals. Well, if you're in a relationship and you're sharing a roast turkey with your family or your significant other's family, it can really be great. Enjoy and appreciate it, but it's seldom a perfect Norman Rockwell experience. So if you're not part of the big family celebration with the love of your life this year, give thanks for the simplicity that your singleness provides.

3. Holiday movies. It doesn't matter if you are all alone, or in a house full of people. There's something about the way the classic holiday movies can transport you back to that feel good place of the best holidays of your life. Whether its Miracle on 34th Street, or It's a Wonderful Life, or even National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, there's a positive message of hope in every holiday movie. Don't get so jaded that you can't enjoy the good feelings that a classic movie can give to you.

4. Men and women. If you are a woman, you probably get caught up in man bashing that is SO popular around the holidays. Believe me, men also get caught up in woman bashing. Take the day off from thinking about what's wrong with the opposite sex. Spend some time remembering what you like. Sure your last boyfriend might have been a pain in the butt sometimes, but he also had good attributes, so focus on them. Be thankful that men are different from women, and women are different from men. Yes the opposite sex can be exasperating at times, but it's also what makes the sparks fly in a good way when a man and a woman connect. 

5. New opportunities. No matter where you are, or how happy you are in your current circumstances, you have the ability to change yourself and your relationship status. Be thankful for your ability to envision a better you and a better situation for yourself. Yes, definitely enjoy where you are today and also take some time to envision what you want most. Imagine what that looks like and feels like. This envisioning will make you feel better and you'll be even more thankful. 

Its your choice. Do you want to be thankful or miserable this Thanksgiving and holiday season? Thankfulness is much more enjoyable, trust me. I know this from my own personal experience...

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Relationship Lessons from The Best Man Holiday

If you haven’t already seen “The Best Man Holiday”, I highly recommend you view it before reading this article. I waited for as long as I could to say what I wanted to say, but people have been asking me for my take and I can't hold off any longer. Director Malcolm Lee’s incredible storyline takes us through a whirlwind of emotions, it also provides us with a number of golden relationship do’s and don'ts that can be used as tools to help us navigate through the complexities of love. Check out the relationship lessons that I learned from "The Best Man Holiday". I tried my best to keep the list to my usual five things, but some things HAD to be emphasized, so I hope you wont mind. Again, if you haven't seen the movie, this is your last chance to peel yourself away from what I am about to give away...

Be Prepared for Unforeseen and Uncontrollable Circumstances In Your Relationship. Although couples come into relationships with their own plans and goals, life has a way of deviating you from your pre-planned path. This displayed in various stories throughout “The Best Man Holiday,” but it really stood out in the way that Harper and Robyn were faced with their struggles of conceiving and delivering their child. Neither of them could’ve imagined in their wildest dreams that conceiving a baby would put so much strain on the relationship. Harper is over-protective of his pregnant wife in fear of losing his child and Robyn is stressed out by her own insecurities of not being able to have a “normal” pregnancy like everyone else. If it were not for their ability to trust one another and remain faithful to their relationship, they would’ve lost it all. In order to hold a relationship together during these unforeseen and uncontrollable circumstances, you must always be prepared for change. Making plans is fine, but it’s important to always be prepared to deviate from the pre-planned path when necessary and to trust your spouse’s judgment.  

Money Management In Relationships Truly Matter. Money and infidelity are interchangeably the number one causes of divorce, yet thousands of couples marry every year without becoming financially intimate with their spouse. Financial Lovemaking is a necessity for making your relationship work. To elaborate on this point, once again I reference Harper and Robyn. Harper went from being a man on top of the world with best-selling books that helped him attain fame and fortune to having his credit card declined in the grocery store. One can only presume that he frivolously spent his money during his prime, failing to make his money work for him instead making himself a slave to the money. In a state of desperation, he risked losing a fragile friendship and his wife to heal his financial struggles. It’s imperative to make sure you and your partner are on the same page as it pertains to finances. 

Every Man Needs a Relationship to Tame Him. Everyone knows at least one “macho” man who gets into one physical romp after another with zero intentions of ever falling in love. While these men seem content with their helter-skelter lifestyle, there’s usually one woman who is able to “tame” them. This is seen in Quentin, the loud-talking, weed-smoking man of the group. Quentin lives a crazy lifestyle that includes fun parties with celebrities and texting pictures of his penis to various women. He pokes fun at his friends for settling down, yet he is forced to reconsider his “player” lifestyle after having sex with his long-time fling Shelby. He also spends quality time with her daughter, who forms her own relationship with him. Believe it or not, these men can appreciate the stability that comes with love and marriage and may be able to be a one-woman-man, at least for a little while.  

A Strong Working Woman Can Submit to Love. The modern day working woman is forced to wear several hats in her life: She’s a firm, no nonsense leader at work, a nurturing wife and mother at home and a supportive friend in her community. When you’re forced to wear too many titles, they sometimes merge. The loving wife at home becomes the demanding boss with her husband. The supportive friend in the community becomes more and more distant as her career sucks up her time. Sometimes love and family fall to the bottom of the totem pole as women rise up the ranks of their career. This is seen in the interaction between Jordan and her boyfriend Brian. Jordan is forced to make love and family a priority as she steps up to the challenge of being a mother to the children of her dying best friend Mia. She opens her heart to love and treats her boyfriend like a partner as opposed to an accessory. Your loved ones are irreplaceable and are available for a limited time only. You must humble yourself, and open your heart to love before it’s too late. You can always find another job, but you can’t replace the people in your life.  

Your Secret Past Can Haunt Your Future. Everyone makes poor decisions in their youth that have an impact on their future, but some bad decisions can be so drastic that they will affect you and your (future) family. Julian and Candace learned this the hard way when video footage of Candace’s scandalous past shows her accepting money for performing a sεxual act. A primary donor of the couple’s school withdraws his funding following the video’s debut, which places the future of the couple’s school in jeopardy. Candace is forced to face her demons and suggests resigning from her duties to help the school stay afloat. If you’ve made some decisions in your youth that have the potential to affect your family’s well being, it’s important to share those with your spouse so that you can work on methods of damage control. Shocking your spouse could lead to heartbreak and divorce. If you believe your past will haunt your future, try being upfront with spouse about it, knowing that they will be willing to work alongside you to fight it.  

Love Is Unconditional. People oftentimes become distracted by their significant other's looks, charm, and/or possessions in the initial phase of the relationship. No one seems to consider how they will feel when these things are gone. Are you willing to love and support your spouse as they grow old and prepare for death as you would your mother and father? If your answer is yes, then you have unconditional love for your mate. In the film, Lance and Mia’s love is challenged by her bout with cancer. As his wife becomes more frail and loses her hair, Lance continues to love and kiss her as if she looked like the youthful woman he married 15 years ago. Even as Mia transitions from life to death, Lance remains consistent in his affection and respect for her. The “happily ever after” love that is shown in Disney films provides a great allusion; but the real love is shown when things aren’t so happily ever after anymore.  

Share Sensitive Information With Your Spouse First. When you’re faced with a sensitive matter, it’s instinctual to speak about the issue with people you love. The problem is, sharing sensitive information with everyone except your spouse can make them feel left out. When Julian initially learned of his wife’s scandalous past, he confided in his friends for advice as opposed to speaking with his wife. Even Harper disappointed in this area when he decided to share his definitive decision to author Lance’s biography with Jordan as opposed to sharing it with his wife first. It’s important to share information with your spouse before anyone else as to not exclude them from important situations in your life. Lance and Mia exuded the solution to this problem perfectly when they decided to not share details of Mia’s illness with anyone. It wasn’t until Harper witnessed Mia coughing up blood that she was virtually forced to tell him about her condition before consulting with Lance. Even after sharing her condition with Harper, she immediately notified Lance. The decision to make your significant other aware of sensitive matters before anyone else exudes a great deal of respect for the relationship. Just imagine how much smoother things could’ve gone if Julian and Harper had conversed with their wives first before sharing sensitive information with their friends.

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The New 90 Day Rule

What I am about to describe is something that plays out every single second of every single day. You may actually be experiencing it at this particular moment, or you have at one point and you've probably wondered why. When you hear the words "The 90 Day Rule", most people familiar with the term think about Steve Harvey's book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" and his take on not having sex with someone you're dating during the first 90 days of the relationship. This isn't about whether I agree with the rule or not, instead it's about what you're doing, or what you've done, or what you haven't done during that same 90 day time frame. Have you ever been involved in a relationship where it just went in the other direction, and you always think about what it was like the first three months? In the first three months of a relationship, you actually do things for the other person. You make nights special, you light candles for each other, make sure nights are romantic, and you make love for hours instead of minutes. You listen to the other person and you don't get angry because you have a history together.

If you ask a couple what they love about each other the most, a lot of them will say it's the way they treated each other during the first three months with unconditional love and romance, without any judgment. They will say it was the way they listened, touched and kissed during that first three month period. There was a survey online a little while back that asked women what they felt was lacking in their relationship. A lot of them said it was that their man didn't kiss them anymore the way he did the first 90 days they were together. Here's the deal, you fell in love with someone because of all the things they did. So why is it so hard to keep doing those things over and over and over again?

Why don't we just call it a groundhog relationship? That way we could repeat the first 90 days over and over again. That's four times a year that you need to repeat that cycle. You know how easy it is to make each other happy in relationships. We've all done it, and done it so naturally in the first 90 days. We did it with such a big heart and open mind, and we did it because we really care about making the other person feel amazing. So what stops us from doing it over and over again? Do we just take people for granted? Do we think that they will always be around? I don't know about you, but I'd love to live that 90 day beginning phase of a relationship over and over again. I think that time is magical and so special.

Think about it. What's so wrong with living in a magical place like that every single day? Oh sure, we can come up with a list of excuses for a lot of things, but you didn't make any excuses doing those first 90 days. Whatever the other person needed, you were there to provide it, perform it or protect it. You really need to think back to why you fell in love with the other person in the first place, and start doing those things over and over again. Otherwise complacent relationships continued to cycle, and you will continue to feel unsatisfied. You'll continue to search for something else, when in reality you already have exactly what you wanted right there in front of you. It's just that you might've lost it because you got lazy. I don't just write stories about things I don't know anything about. I've lived this story long enough to write about it myself...

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The Best Man Holiday: Who Loves Who More?

I was able to catch “The Best Man Holiday” during the week, after everyone rushed out to see it last weekend. Upon leaving the theater I met up with some of my friends afterwards and one of them said something that struck me a little. Without giving anything away, she was amazed at how a man could love a woman so strongly. She was so amazed that she told me that she thinks a man should love a woman more than a woman should love a man. To be frank, I think we’ve all heard this before. I know that I have, and I also realized that I never paid it that much attention. It was at this moment where I simply thought “no”. This couldn’t possibly be right, so let me tell you why.

I told my friend that I think her philosophy is only shaped by her past experiences. None of us are strangers to relationships in which we may have given more than the other person. To ever say that one person should love one more than the other only speaks to a paranoia we have. We have a paranoia of not wanting to experience that hurt again. In that mindset, we formulate defensive schemes like this. Either we think of it ourselves, or our elders lend their two cents on the issue. Regardless of the source, this idea comes from a place where maybe too much thinking is going on. Sometimes it does pay to experience new relationships in the moment. Give new experiences a fair chance. It’s the only way to remain fair to your partner. I told my friend that if she asked a happily married couple who loved who more, they wouldn’t have an answer. I know what it is to be in love. At no time while being in love did I have a chance to think if I loved my lady more than she loved me. It was irrelevant. I simply knew I loved, and that I loved as hard as I knew how to. For a woman to say that a man should love her more says to me that she’s pulling back.

If you’re pulling back and are still waiting for someone to show more love than you do, it isn’t fair. Your whole relationship is no longer balanced. I’m no expert, but I don’t think this philosophy will solve your issue either. You could argue that you’re being just as unfair as the person who may have hurt you in the past.

A slew of wrongs don’t make a right. To experience full happiness with someone, you have to be vulnerable. I liken it to my son doing math homework, and me as the parent/teacher for the evening saying I don't just want the problem solved, I have to see his work. Showing your work is your vulnerability, and yes...we make mistakes. We don’t allow ourselves to grow without recognizing our mistakes and fixing them. It’s important to show your work with your partner. You’ll be better for it as you both will gain a deeper understanding of one another. I think we all should love freely. All these other constructs mess up what is meant to be organic. So, what do you think? Should a man love a woman more than she does him?

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The One That Ruined Him For Anyone Else

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I cant help but admire a woman’s resilience in relationships. They are able to love hard and with all their heart, without much reserve or pause. When a dude rips that heart out of a woman’s chest, throws it on the floor, and dog walks all over her emotions, she may be devastated, but she will love again. Yeah she will be more cautious, and practice more due diligence when seeking a partner, but when she finds THAT man, she will dive head first into love with no regard for potential emotional distress. Here’s a fact that men may not want to admit: We handle breakups worse than women if we are treated wrong. It’s like we lose all hopes and dreams of happiness because we had one or a couple of bad experiences. Women have spoken to me about this phenomenon, and are bewildered at the notion that one woman could cause a man to completely flip the script on relationships. These women want to know #WhoHurtYou in your past. Well there is a term for this individual, it's a term I like to refer to as “Girlfriend Zero”.

Girlfriend Zero is the index case, or primary woman in a man’s dating history from which you can trace his angst and pessimism towards love. This was the girlfriend/lover/fwb who “ruined him” for other women. Show me a man who’s apathetic about relationships, and I will show you the reflection of a woman who did him dirty. Now you may ask what happened in the relationship that caused him to denounce all previous feelings towards relationships. What could be so serious that a man would turn his back on his future for what occurred in the past? Aren’t men supposed to be the more emotionally fortified of the sexes? These are all valid questions that I have asked myself and others. Rather than give a list or trivial response, I will walk through the effects of Girlfriend Zero on a man’s heart, mind, and soul, and attempt to provide clarity on this subject.

If you’re big on medical science (or if you saw the movie Contagion), then you will be familiar with the term “Patient Zero”. Girlfriend Zero is the woman whom whether we knew her for a day or a lifetime, fell perfectly into our fantasy of the perfect woman. She treated us with kindness and respect. She was beautiful, intelligent, charming, and had all the qualities the man wanted and more. Above all else, she was HONEST! No matter how many male friends or family members would tell him to “trust no woman”, she was the exception to the rule. She possessed integrity like no other, and he could never see G-Zero betray him. After careful analysis and self-consultation, the man will place Girlfriend Zero on “The Pedestal”.

What men won’t admit is that The Pedestal was originally reserved for our future wives. This imaginary pillar in our hearts was created by gods of a different era, to supplant our chosen woman on high ground, to be worshipped and adored. This was the spot where the woman who our mother’s would gush over in their imaginary hopes for a perfect daughter-in-law would reside. Our fantasies would become tangible reality, and she would manifest herself in physical form. We didn’t know when or where she appeared. Sometimes as a kid, I think men just thought that we would get old and the wife would eventually just show up screaming "HERE I AM!" Our emotions and perception of The Pedestal are infantile, and when we get more mature and experienced, we realize it’s not the Utopia we envisioned. No matter what we say or do, we’ll always find that one woman who we feel deserves to be in that spot. We may not promote her emotionally right away, but eventually it happens whether we are cognizant or not! Heavy is the head that wears the crown, and this coronation, this promotion of Girlfriend Zero to one of the highest positions in a man’s emotional spectrum is a gift and a curse.

You see, the fall of Girlfriend Zero was foretold long ago. The great poets Sirs Bell, Biv, and DeVoe, warned men about the dangers of placing trust in a plump derriere and an inviting countenance. Those same friends and family who told him not to trust women also said that a woman will break his heart one day. Men always think we’re immune to heartbreak until it occurs. They think that Girlfriend Zero won’t do these bad things because “it just feels right”. Men are guarded with their emotions, and it takes a LONG time for them to open up to a woman, but once you unlock that door, you have total access. This is what some refer to as “a man giving a woman his heart”. Emotionally, this occurs and a man allows himself to be vulnerable. Then after he’s dropped his guard, is when Girlfriend Zero always chooses to show her imperfections. The Event occurs, and the man’s perception on love and relationships changes for the foreseeable future.

"The Event" is a crossroads in the relationship with Girlfriend Zero, where the man is devastated. Maybe she cheated, maybe she stole money from him, maybe her personality was false and she revealed her true colors. No matter what the situation, to a man this is an egregious offense. When "The Event" happens, "The Pedestal" is reduced to ruins. His perception of the perfect woman for him is destroyed. His whole though process of what can or should happen in a relationship is flipped. Men can be naive. We expect that if we give a woman our heart, it can’t end in a jacked up manner, especially if we are doing right by her! We tend to forget that for all of our “logic”, real life happens. No one is perfect. The Event doesn’t make Girlfriend Zero evil...it makes her the poster child for relationship reality.

"The Event" is a rude awakening. It’s our “welcome to the NFL moment” for relationships. Once "The Event" occurs, men will refute and despise all notions of love and relationships. The man will usually whore out whether implicitly or explicitly. He will glorify the player life and tout the benefits of being single while secretly resenting those individuals in working relationships. The man will think “why would he open up and give his heart again if there’s a chance it can be broken again?” It’s way easier to maintain a single lifestyle, where you have no cares but your own, and you don’t have to worry about a significant others feelings. Seriously, having sex with many women and dating multiple women gives men solace that they will find the next woman worthy of "The Pedestal" via process of elimination. We will mess with Ms. Wrong as much as we can, until the next Ms. Right presents herself. Ms. Right will get some type of raw deal, because she will find herself on a new pedestal. It may not be as high or grandiose as the old one, but what it lacks in aesthetics is fortified in substance. With maturity comes the acceptance by men that life happens. We will be hurt in relationships. There will be mistakes made. It’s how you react that will define you in the relationship. Yes, this Girlfriend Zero changed our perspective. Her griminess, her deceit and her imperfection showed us the reality of the emotional world. While we may be damaged, it’s normal. It also bodes well for future mates, because they’ve seen the good and bad in relationship, and will use that experience to be better. All men have had a Girlfriend Zero, and have had to overcome her impact to lead meaningful lives with their significant others. She can ruin dudes for life, or teach them valuable lessons for the future. Let’s hope that men learn their lessons and move on, rather than utilize bad experiences like a crutch...

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How Successful Women Can Attract Good Men

Last week I wrote about annoying Facebook relationship statuses, and there is one in particular I want to go into even more depth on today. There appears to be a disconnect between men and women. I know…I’m not breaking any news with that statement, but I’m noticing a trend among women that I feel should be addressed. Far too often, I’ll come across a woman that will post their "I’m Single And I Want to be in a Relationship" resumé online. This resumé will usually look like this:

• I have a college degree
• My own money
• My own apartment
• My own car
• (insert any other ego boosting accomplishment here)

This is then followed by the all too famous: “What do you have to offer me?”

I can’t help but laugh when I see and hear these things from “successful” women because these things will NOT make a man want you, chase you, stay with you, or do anything else for that matter. These things make YOU feel good, but they do nothing for men. Do we appreciate your hard work and the fact that you’ve been able to become a successful and self-sufficient adult? Absolutely. It takes hard work, dedication, resilience and ambition to achieve the accomplishments listed on your resumé.

Sorry I have to be the one to break it to you, but men don’t put that much emphasis on that as you do. The constant need to brag about those things actually makes us look at you as superficial. Pardon me if this comes off as selfish, but what do those things do for men? I can’t make love to your degree. You have a car? Great, I have one as well. You have your own place? That’s nice, so do I. To the ladies that place so much value on these things, I encourage you to also think about the qualities men love women to have that actually hit home for us — that is, if you want to have a relationship. Essentials that may actually land you a man and not just a guy looking to crash at your spot, waste the gas in your car, or drool over the accomplishments that you have that he only dreams of ever attaining.

1. Be supportive. There’s nothing a man wants more from his woman, than her support. Whether it’s support of our career aspirations, the daily struggle of being a man living in America, or help around the house. Be our partner. Support us in our visions and through our ups and downs.

2. Trust us. We know all too well that your past may have been one you wish to forget. We know you may suffer from selective perception and sometimes you can’t help but have doubts when we say we’re going to hang out with the fellas, or we’re working late. Try your hardest to trust us anyway. We work very hard to be the best men we can be, but you can’t imagine how comforting it is to know that our woman trusts us.

3. Have personality. We want to be able to have fun with you. Let’s play, joke around, and have a good time. What’s interesting about what you find interesting? Tell us! Bring us into your world and don’t bore us in the process. Your degree is a great accomplishment, but what’s even greater is what you plan to do with it. Share that with us. Having your own apartment is great — no roommates to interfere with us — but show us how eclectic you are by the way you decorate it.

Below is a list of things you may want to put on your next "Attention, I need a New Man" social media resumé post:

• I’m Patient
• I’m Nurturing
• I’m Supportive
• I’m Willing to Serve You
• I’m Down to Earth/Playful

The list can go on and on about what men REALLY care about when it comes to being in a relationship with a good woman. Whether it’s respecting the routine of Football Sunday, rubbing our back after a hard day at work, giving us time to unwind with the fellas, not letting your insecurity get the best of you, and even letting an argument die and not trying to bring it back to life a week later…these things have value that is deeply felt. I can assure you that the car you drive, house you live in, and career you have will not keep us, or get us to become interested. We want to know that we can build with you, that you’re emotionally mature, and you’re not crazy and deranged. How do you improve our life experience? Would we want our daughter to be like you? Consider those academic and professional accomplishments to be icing on the cake. We’re proud of you for them; but a loving, supportive, classy, and humorous woman is what you should be posting on your social media network resumé when trying to get the attention of a man. I understand some of you ladies may only be able to live on the surface, but some of us gentlemen would rather go deep. Open up, let us dive in and drown in you. But who are you?

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Five Ways On How Dads Can Help Their Daughters

I recognize that a lot of women have experienced a lack of input into their lives from their Dads growing up, and I have been asked by several men how can they help to ensure that their daughters grow up to avoid having those same issues. The responsive list to that question is endless, but the five suggestions below would be a good start.

1. Constantly tell her she is beautiful. Society’s image of beauty changes so rapidly and drastically that one can easily get caught up and begin to question their beauty. A lot of young girls crave this compliment so much that they are willing to do almost anything to hear it. If you constantly tell your daughter that she’s beautiful, she will be so accustomed to hearing it, that any half-hearted compliment from some other man will be a non-factor. 

2. Constantly tell her that she is valuable. Let your daughter know that she there is more to her than just her looks or her body.  Explain to her that her value comes from being kind and sweet.  Explain to your daughter that because of her value, she should never accept any man, who does not show her that he sees and appreciates her value. Make sure that she understands that her very presence is valuable, so that she should not even interact with anyone who cannot see her value. Tell her that like any other valuable item, if one wants to have it, one must work very hard and prove that they deserve it! 

3. Date her. Take her out to various places and give her examples of how she should be treated. When you arrive at the house to pick her up, walk up to the door and wait for her to come out, then walk her to the vehicle. Make sure to open her door for her and pull out her chair. Show her how a gentleman should act. Constantly tell her that if he is not a gentleman, he doesn’t deserve her because she is a lady. Compliment her on the date, and ask her questions that allow her to share her thoughts. Explain to her that her thoughts and feelings are important and should not be dismissed. Get her accustomed to how she should be treated and she will not accept anything less.

4. Always be honest with her. When you are not able to do something, tell her. Do not promise something that you know you will not be able to deliver. If something happens that prevents you from delivering on a promise, let her know that something happened and sincerely apologize for disappointing her. If she asks you questions, always be honest. If the answer is not one that is appropriate for you to share with her, tell her that it would not be appropriate to answer that question, but do not lie to her. With this interaction, you are teaching her the value of being reliable and accountable to someone you care about. This will help her in the future to have little tolerance for men who cannot admit their errors or who are dishonest. 

5. Share anecdotes with her. Share with your daughter age-appropriate scenarios that will illustrate how women should act and why. Let her know what you value in a woman (do not mention her mother, unless it is in a good light). Let her know what traits women have that are important to you and why. Also, talk to her about the character traits that you do not like in women and explain to her why those are not attractive to you. Little girls look up to their Daddies, and as they should, she will remember what you say and apply it to her own life.

Being Daddy carries a huge responsibility. You are her template for the type of man she will want to be with when she gets older. You have the opportunity to guide your daughter to be happy and healthy in her life and in her relationships. Take care to nurture your relationship with her and always let her know that she can come to you with anything. Protect her from the dragons, and let her feel that she is unconditionally loved at all times. This type of investment into her life will help her to develop into a strong and secure woman who will always be “Daddy’s Little Girl”.

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The 10 Most Annoying Facebook Relationship Statuses

We all know that some people have chosen to make Facebook into a personal diary. Sharing their deepest, irrational emotions about life, family, and most often, about love. Sadly, those emotions are oftentimes conveyed in the form of a status. Sometimes you quickly scroll pass it; but other times, you actually stop and read it for comic relief. Here are the top 10 annoying relationship Facebook statuses:

1. The “Baby Boy” Effect: If you’ve watched John Singleton’s “Baby Boy” starring Tyrese Gibson and Taraji P. Henson, you can recall the number of times in which Taraji’s character exclaims I hate you Jody! (played by Tyrese Gibson). during a passionate disagreement, only to be screaming his name in fulfillment during sεx in the following scene. The “Baby Boy” Effect plays itself out on Facebook all of the time. On Monday evening your friend’s status will read something to the tune of “Men ain’t sh*t” or “I need a man who isn’t intimidated by my success.” By Tuesday morning, presumably after her boyfriend has come up with an acceptable excuse for his absence the night before, she will be singing his praises and sharing photos of the flowers he sent her at work. Hmmmm….

2. The Tell-All Rant: You’ve seen it…One of your Facebook friends will post a thesis for a status explaining why their relationship was forced to come to an end. They’ll go on (in detail) about how their significant others parents were too involved or how they are “fine” with the breakup and wishes their former lover well. It’s safe to assume that this individual was the problem in the relationship. Their burning desire to “come out on top” (no pun intended) gets the best of them every time and is exuded in their need to share every aspect of their relationship with all of their Facebook pals.

3. The Single Anthem: This is the result of a person who has been single for far too long and has grown tired of their family members and friends questioning them about marriage. These individuals justify their discomfort by slamming those who are in relationships. The Single Anthem reads as follows: “While you’re cooking dinners and changing diapers, I’m hopping planes and partying. #SingleLife” You see, this person would actually rather be in a relationship; however, for whatever reason, they’re not and they want you to know that you are scum for being in one. Carry along…

4. The Commitment Anthem: Similar to the Single Anthem, these posts oftentimes exude a false perception as to what is actually being conveyed. For example, the Commitment Anthem usually reads: “To all of my single friends who are partying tonight, be safe. I’m glad I have someone to keep me entertained at home. #HappilyMarried” If you were to decode the message, what it actually means is this: “To all of my single friends who are clubbing tonight, be safe. I wish I could join you, but my husband/wife told me I couldn’t join you, so I’m staying home. #WhyDidIGetMarried” In a very subtle, condescending way the Commitment Anthem kicks single people in the crοtch and then cries about it.

5. The “I Tried” Rant: We all have  at least one Facebook friend who frequently falls in love too quickly but pretends as if they’ve spent centuries with their former lover. The “I Tried” Rant goes a little something like this: “I cooked meals. I walked the dog. I ran the bath water, but still, it wasn’t enough. I did everything I could to make it work, but unfortunately, it still didn’t work out.” What this person doesn’t tell you is they’d just met their former lover two months ago; and while cooking, walking the dog, and running bath water are pretty cool things to do for your lover, it doesn’t matter when you’ve lied, cheated, and/or abused them.

6. The Entrepreneur Effect: This status is usually posted by a young and ambitious male who has been told one too many times that he has a promising future. The status reads: “Right now I’m focused on my career, so I can’t commit to going on dates or checking in. Sometimes I don’t finish work until 2 AM and most people can’t understand nor relate to that.” Besides being too full of himself, he has yet to mature and understand the value in having a supportive spouse who will provide motivation and encouragement when a cumbersome project is 40 percent complete with a 24-hour deadline. Twenty years from now, he’ll be the 50-year-old guy dating a 20-year-old who is solely interested in squandering his cash. Cheers!

7. The Roll Call: In an effort to garner attention, the Roll Call status will summon people to like and/or comment on a status if they are happy to be single or happy to be in a relationship. The Roll Call status usually reads: “LMS (Like My Status) if you have a good man or woman by your side and don’t need anybody else.” This status will prompt a number of people to chime in and give a “shout out” to the apple of their eye. 

8. Paying Homage to Ne-Yo: Singer, songwriter, super-producer Ne-Yo created a song titled “Miss Independent,” which praises single women for being homeowners, car owners, having a job, and doing her own thing without the help of any man. Although the song was released in 2008, some women still honor it and believe it to be the very core of their existence today. "She's got her own thing, that's why I love her". The Paying Homage to Ne-Yo status reads: “I have a degree, my own place, and a good job. Why are men so frightened by that?” These women have been convinced that their success in academia and the work force should be indicative of a successful love life. Wrong! Besides, belittling men by telling them that there’s something wrong with them because you’re single sounds a bit delusional.

9. The Mystery Love: Every now and again, you’ve run across a friend’s status that claims to have a “stalker” and/or a secret admirer. This individual believes that their alleged stalker and/or secret admirer will raise their stock and entice others to compete for their attention. Here’s how the Mystery Love status reads: “This random person just in-boxed me asking if I’m single. Crazy! I need to increase my profile’s security.” What this status really means is, “OMG! No one has shown me any attention in months and now I’ve finally gotten someone to pay me some attention, so I need to make sure you guys hear about it.” You’ll never be able to identify any “stalker” prospects when viewing their page because...well, the stalker doesn’t really exist.

10. The Facebook Relationship Counselor: Everyone has an opinion. Some Facebook friends will chime in on a status, drop their wisdom, answer follow-up questions, and then leave. Others will take on the role of an expert in the field of discussion and tell (not recommend) what you should do. The Facebook Relationship Counselor usually posts this status: “If you ask your partner to do something and they say no, but when they ask you to do something, you say yes that’s a problem. Don’t make someone your priority when you’re just they’re option.” As simplistic as the message may be, we all know that relationships are far from simplistic. In fact, they’re probably the most complex form of human interaction. The person who posts this status is either single or in a relationship that has a slew of imperfections that they’ve chosen to overlook in their perfect world.

In my facebook lifetime, I'm sure that I've broken a status code or two myself. Ok, maybe three (don't judge me). How about you? After reading these, what can you honestly admit to doing? Think it over, have some fun with it and comment below...

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Five Ways She Will Remember You Over The Others

I’m fortunate to be considered a go-to guy for women who have issues with men. Frequently I’m told that many guys have trouble conversing with women. According to women, men will send the well played "good morning" text, and the woman would reply. Then the man asks “how are you?”, and the woman would reply again. Then the conversation ends before it even starts, leaving the woman like...WHY??? Conversations are important, whether through text, phone, or in person. They set the stage. For the guys who are having trouble in this very important area of female interaction. Here are a few tips:

1. Be in the Know – Being knowledgeable about a variety of things is a great benefit. Keep yourself abreast on all current events (e.g. government shutdown, The Affordable Care Act, pop culture, new movies/books/music, community events, etc.). Having this knowledge gives you more things to discuss outside of yourself. It also shows how well rounded you are if you can discuss the negative effects of QE3 on the economy, the benefits of Low Mortgage Interest Rates for investors or homeowners, and the local festival that you may want to take her to this weekend.

2. Showcase Yourself – Conversations allow you to distinguish yourself. Use the time wisely. If she’s giving you her attention, make it worth it. If you study neuroscience during your down time, talk to her about it. I only mention neuroscience because my niece is currently majoring in it (my proud Uncle moment). Hopefully you’re on the journey to accomplishing great things in your specified field, discuss that with her. Understand that many guys may have her number, her Facebook, or may be out on a date with her, but this is your time to show her who you are and what you have to offer her from a mentally stimulating perspective.

3. Actively Listen – Many times when we converse with people, we listen with the intent to respond. This is dangerous and flat out unintelligent. When a woman speaks to you, listen. It’s much more important to take in all of what she’s saying before thinking of what you’re going to say. I understand in many cases you may be nervous and you don’t want any awkward silences so you feel the need to constantly speak, but relax.

4. Get intimate – Sεx is very mental as well as it is physical, but if you know what you're doing, you'll be able to seduce her mentally well before you ever get to seduce her physically. It’ll serve as wonderful foreplay for whenever you two take it to that next point. The greatest way to stimulate her mind outside of showcasing your distinguished brilliance is to be vulnerable. Your brilliance may stimulate her in a way where she admires it, but depending on the woman, she may not be able to connect to it. Vulnerability is something she can connect to. Vulnerability is a form of intimacy. Women have this idea that men operate fully off of our ego and pride. Let your guard down and show her that vulnerable side of yourself. She’ll love it and it’ll allow her to become even more open with you.

5. Be humble at all times – There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. I would say toe that line, but it’s far more beneficial to just be humble. Don’t come off like you know everything and don’t come off like you’re the greatest thing the earth has ever seen. Let who you are speak for yourself.

Fellas you have competition out here. Let that be clear and known. You have to distinguish yourself in every way imaginable. Your ability to converse can separate yourself from others, so be mindful of that. Conversation is an art, let her mind be your canvas, stimulate her mind and you might very well be on your way!

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What Men Need To Stop Doing To Women

Every now and then I remember that I haven’t done a post outlining advice for men in a while, but I try to spread it out a little. It’s not that I don’t have opinions about men and the things they can do better. It’s just that I get bombarded with questions from women all the time. I try to address those issues first because that’s what I hear the most, and let’s be frank, most men feel like they don’t need anyone else’s help. That is not to say that every man is perfect, none of us are. So in a blogger's bloggy blog world, where most of the material is targeted towards women and what they should do or what they shouldn’t do; it’s time for a post about men…and their malfeasance.

A post that’s been kicking around in my head for some time now is around the things that I think men need to stop doing. It’s not like we haven’t discussed all these things before but they need to be rehashed because over the past year, it’s gotten out of control. I read an article the other day that talked about how men stopped being men and that ruined relationships in the 21st century. I actually agreed with it! Men have tried so hard to emulate the actions of someone who is super-sensitive and soft mannered to the point that the women don’t even recognize a doormat from a man anymore. And while my Pop told me that no man should raise another man, I figured I’d answer the question, “What do men need to stop doing to women?”

1. Quit making her insecure - Men have the worst way of making women feel inadequate in every possible way. They also are very much aware that they’re doing it too. They know that they can’t tell her that she looks fat or awkward in the dress she plans to wear. That’s why they result to something less threatening but a hell of a lot more passive aggressive like, “Is that what you’re wearing?”

2. Stop agreeing with her, just to appease her - Men think they’re raising their self-esteem or working their way into their good graces but in reality they’re screwing up gender dynamics. Keep it real, there’s a ton of stuff that women believe in that men just disagree wholeheartedly with. That’s fine, that’s why we were not given the same sex parts.

3. Stop calling her crazy - Wait… there are women out there who are crazy. I've known plenty, just to be clear. The problem is that men have a tendency to call women crazy, who aren’t even close to being crazy at all. Men get lazy and don’t want to articulate their thoughts or use their words, so out comes the "she's crazy". .

4. Quit being unhappy, just to make her happy - I’ve been guilty of this one a lot in my life. Here’s the real issue with this; you’ll let her build a false sense of security until one day you pull the carpet from under her and leave. You have women turning habits into character traits and when you bounce they spend years trying to fix their flaws.

5. Stop acting like a baby - Men are supposed to be men. It’s a shame that has to be said. Stop pouting when you don’t get your way, stop intentionally being disruptive when you aren’t able to do what you want to do, and stop doing less than what a man should do just because someone else has acted out. The point is you’re a man now it’s time to be one.

6. Stop all of this dry snitching - All jokes aside, stop snitching on other men to benefit your own cause. How good you are to your woman has nothing to do with all the bad things your boy does to his. There’s a reason that people call it “fair and square.”

7. Stop comparing her to other women - They have made it clear, they don’t like it. Nobody compares someone to someone they’re better than either. Like have you ever heard a man say, “Damn baby, Halle Berry looks just like you in this picture”? No, not ever. So when you compare a woman to another all you’re saying is, “you’re a close second.”

That’s just a quick list, and there’s a long list that is not mentioned here but I think this is a good start. I think we spend a lot of time telling women about themselves but not a lot talking about men. For good reason too, everyone wants everyone else to think the problem is everyone else. Introspective thinking is something of the past with our generation. I think for today we should all take these things into account and make sure these aren’t things that we do as men and need to change. For women, if you notice this behavior in men you interact with; don’t be afraid to call them on it...

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