300 Words on Women Acting Like Men

Have you ever met a woman who proudly proclaimed she “thinks like a man” but in reality she “acts like a man,” when it comes to love matters. She tries to stay in control emotionally by appearing emotionless. She agrees to have sex with no ties, but weeks later she may have an extreme emotional outburst which no one can figure out.

These are classic symptoms of a woman who is determined never to get hurt again. She would rather tell herself that she is in control, but really she has lost control in the past and is trying to get it back. Not realizing she is really hurting herself in the long run. In my opinion, trying to punish someone new for what someone in the past has done never works well.

Whether it’s a man or a woman, if you choose to ignore your natural tendencies you will eventually burst at the seams. If you have to play mental games with others at your expense, it won’t be long until you realize that you will never get what you want if you continue pretending to be something you were never created to be.

There is a reason why men think the way men think and are successful with it.  It's natural to guard our feelings, even if we aren’t always successful at it. Women on the other hand need to feel, and be able to express those feelings in a safe place.

If you are trying to control your feelings to the extent of it being unnatural, ask yourself what you are trying to protect yourself from. If you know someone who has done this, did they get what they wanted, or did it make them more bitter or upset?  

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I've Found My Relationship Happy Place

One day I was thinking to myself about all the relationships that went wrong in my past, and how I've decided to give up trying to do things the “right way". You see, the "right way" is the reason why I had found myself struggling my entire relationship life. I found the need to do things the way everyone else would do them, and not the way that worked for me. And I thought that maybe I was the only person in the world that felt this way, but I quickly found out whether it was the case or not...that it was silly. Allow me a brief moment of emotional depth to explain my point. Most of us live our lives in the reflection of everything around us. We’re products of our environment, and that leaves us in a disposition when it comes to our personal lives. We fail to realize that our personal lives do not do anything for those around us, but yet we consider it to be a decisive factor. That’s why one day I decided that I had enough, and I was going to do things my way. 

I thought me living for everybody else had run its course. I knew that in the end I would only have myself to blame for why things didn’t work out, or why they did in fact work out. I mentioned to a friend the other day that I would have no time for a woman’s insecurity in dating when it came to me. I didn’t want to do things in my life to live for what her friends may say to her, or to coddle her own insecurities. She would have to find a way to be in the relationship between the two of us and not with everyone else who may be viewing the relationship and chiming in. I’ve felt pretty much from the time I divorced four years ago that having everyone in your relationship was the most determining factor for failure in my relationship. And it comes out of me in the things I say about relationships now too. I tell people, what works for them is probably what’s best for them. While I may not have a relationship history that looks unconventional and I may be very traditional in my approach, it’s what works for me. I live by the thought that in the end if you are happy, that’s all that matters. Love isn’t a journey that’s examined for how you got there, all that matters is that in the end you’re happy. No one revisits elementary school and asks you to show your work when you reach that happy place.

Plenty of my friends and family have reached that happy place and they haven’t once stopped to wonder if it made sense to everyone else. They stopped only to think if it made sense to them, because at the end of the day, that’s the only people who matter. As a people we have all these thoughts on whether someone should have done it the way they did it. We tell ourselves what we are willing to put up with and what we would have never gone through to be happy in the end. However, that only stops with the fact that it’s what WE would have done, not what THEY should have done. Left with all this going on in my mind, I gave it up, and I also decided that I couldn’t be with anyone who thought that they couldn’t give it up either. I needed freedom to be myself and live my life. I needed to be able to look back on what I did and realize that I did it for myself because most of those other people wouldn’t be there to congratulate me on a job well done in MY relationship. Lastly, when I gave it up, I felt a great sense of pressure had been relieved from my life. I was okay with the approach, and I was okay with any outcomes that may come out of it. I guess what I’m trying to say is I made a personal decision to make my own happiness a personal decision. I stopped needing affirmation from external sources and I stopped asking myself, “How do you think that makes me look?” If there’s anything I can encourage you all to do, if it works for you, is to follow the same path. I’m sure you’ll find yourself in a happy place too. That may be single, in a relationship, married, divorced, not looking or otherwise. However, it will be a decision that YOU made. Those decisions are the best decisions to live with...

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The Relationship Elephant In The Room (Pt. 2)

I often tweet the following statement, “it’s really a big deal if your significant other doesn’t communicate with you.” And I believe it with everything in me.. A lack of communication quickly becomes an elephant that can destroy any relationship. While there may be no malicious intent on the part of the non-communicating party, failing to discuss, address, reveal, and talk about things in a relationship is often considered deceptive. After all, if you wanted me to know something, you would’ve told me, and the fact that you didn’t, speaks volumes...even when you didn’t intend it to.

I wouldn’t tell you to ask someone to communicate with you, however what I will do is encourage you to investigate the situation within yourself before you ever verbalize your thoughts on the matter to the other person. Investigate? Yes, investigate.

• First of all, what exactly are they not telling you? It is pertinent information or did they not reveal what they ate at dinner last night?
• Secondly, how does the lack of communication affect you? If you’re not getting critical information from someone that you are dating, that is a big deal and it’s probably impacting your life—if only by making you question the validity of the relationship. If you’re not getting silly, little trite pieces of information, then you may also be annoyed. But honestly, is it really that important? Only you can answer that.
• Thirdly (is that even a word?): Why is it affecting you? This is a key part of the investigation because it reveals the source of your pain, so to speak. Are you upset because this behavior reminds you of your ex, or are you genuinely upset with your current significant other?

Aha, the plot thickens! Just know this means that you might not be genuinely upset with him or her. If so, then fine. If not, then consider that you read this blog just in the nick of time, and allow yourself to quiet all those feelings of confusion, anger, and frustration—at least until you can attribute them to this person…not to the immature behaviors that the last person brought to your table.

Now, if you feel that this is something that is eroding the foundation of your relationship, then you’ll have to deal with it. The sooner the better, because elephants grow in size the longer they are allowed to sit in the middle of the room unattended (hint-hint). If it’s not worth dealing with as a couple, but you still want to be a couple, then you may have to find a way to re-program your thoughts so that their lack of communication, doesn’t kill your relationship.

Note to people who don’t communicate: We hear you (no pun intended). Sometimes it’s hard to include people, if they have not always been there. However, if you want to keep that special girl or guy in your life, then I highly recommend that you give them at least some consideration by communicating with them. I am not saying that you have to check-in, or divulge your every move; however, I am saying that it’s easier to give a little than to lose a lot. Just nod your head if you got it. Additionally, if the reason you are not communicating is because you are no longer interested in being with them, then do them the courtesy of letting them know. Think of it this way, it will be the last communication you’ll have to have with them.

Note to the angry person who’s not being communicated with, which is why you are reading this: Do not cut out that last paragraph and tape it to anything that they own, and do not forward it to them in an email, or text message. At the end of the day, it's a big deal if your significant other does not communicate with you. You just have to decide just how big of a deal it is, and ultimately, how you (or both of you) need to handle it...

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You, Me, and He or She

Dear RL, 

Help me! I am in a situation that I have no clue what to do. I’ve been seeing someone for about 4 weeks, and I like them, but my heart is still with someone else. I thought I was doing the right thing by moving on, but I am afraid that I am about to hurt someone that I really care about. In addition to this, I have been getting texts and emails from the person who “has my heart.” I’m confused, and I want to do the right thing…please tell me what to do. 

Thanks, Liking and Loving

Dear Liking and Loving,

This is a situation that many singles find themselves in. If you date enough people, sometimes you will find yourself in like and in love with two different people. While it seems confusing, there is a possible solution to your dilemma.

First of all, we have to realize that when a relationship comes to an end, it’s like a death. I had to end a relationship because although I liked her, I was in love with someone else. I know first hand the nights I went back and forth before I made a decision. In the end, someone was going to be hurt and there was no escaping that. In the end, I was "in like" with my current at the time, but I was "in love" with someone else. To remedy this, I created a break-up process called, “The D-Method.” Without taking up too much space, the process starts with “deliberate” and ends with “decide.”  However, before getting to the last step, there’s a step in-between called, “detach.” If you’re finding yourself in like with one person, and in love with another, then you may want to consider backtracking out of your current relationship, and beginning the process of detaching from the last one.

Detachment means that you keep to yourself until you are indifferent about the relationship that you just concluded, as well as the person you were in the relationship with. Indifference means that you no longer have an emotional reaction about the relationship or the person. More specifically, this means that seeing them or hearing from them doesn’t cause you to be excited, apprehensive, angry, or anything similar. Until you reach that point, starting another relationship might not be a good idea.

Despite all of this, I applaud Liking and Loving for taking the steps to move on. It takes courage to end any relationship, so a “BRAVO!” is in order. If you choose to take my advice, then you will have to tell the person you like that you need to step away from this relationship, and that won’t be fun, but it at least it will be fair to everyone involved...

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Why Some Men Won't Put a Ring On It

While hanging out one Friday night with the ladies, we broke out into conversation about why men won’t put a ring on it. After dishing out our views, we noticed a pattern; women are overexerting their role and allowing the term “wifey” to replace “wife”. Some of the ladies came to the realization that they related more to the emotional battle of Relationships vs. Situationships, than the refreshing series of  love...like "in love". It seems men are getting the best of these potential wives by buttering them up to believe they will one day have their last name, when in fact that one day is nowhere near. Psychologist Alon Gratch, author of “If Men Could Talk” discovered that 81% of the married men surveyed by the National Marriage Project said one main reason they decided to wed was because it was simply the right time to settle down.

Being as though I’m all for a stimulating conversation; I decided to dig a little deeper into the brains of these fellas by having a round table discussion with some of my opinionated guy friends. I asked them to, “name a few reasons why some men won’t put a ring on it?” and “name some of the things that disqualify a woman when looking for someone to settle down with”. Granted these responses are from a man’s point of view, so keep in mind that they do not speak for all men and by no means should this be considered "scientific". If there are any other answers you would like to add please feel free to comment on this and share it with us. Here are the top 5 answers to both questions:

“Why he won’t put a ring on it:” Survey says...

5) It’s not you it’s me: “If a man hasn’t reached that point mentally, it doesn’t matter how great of a woman she is, he’s not going to take that step to matrimony until he can grasp the concept of a lifelong monogamous relationship.” The single life has to be totally out of his system.

4) Casual sex is so much easier: "The live in girlfriend is so much more convenient. You can enjoy the benefits of having a wife without having to say I Do".

3) Lower expectations: Believe it or not, there is a slight fear of not being able to live up to a woman’s expectations. He will totally avoid the commitment stage to protect his ego and consider a more passive way out of it. “If a man is not financially stable he is more likely to prolong marriage until he is sure he can fulfill his duties as a husband.”

2) Being reluctant: Some men are afraid to make that big of a decision with the fear of it failing; they don’t want to have to live with the fact that they made a bad choice. Most men are afraid of the changes that come with marriage, so why fix what isn’t broken?

1) Pressure: Men hate feeling pressured into marriage. A lot of men harbor the mindset that a woman’s main goal is to “trap” them with kids and “take half”. So being overly persistent is the best way to get a man NOT to propose to you!

“Things that disqualify a woman when a man is looking to settle down:” Survey says…

5) Doormat relationships: If a woman allows a man to walk all over her, that shows him she has no backbone. “When a man is considering marriage he wants to be with someone that can stand up for what they believe in, not one that will fall for anything.”

4) Low self-esteem: “Women who are unsure about who they are as a person and lacks self-love are the most unattractive women.” A man would rather be with a woman that knows who she is and builds herself in confidence.

3) Being the nightlife chick: “It’s simple; you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.” Men love a woman who is classy in the streets and a freak in the sheets; but they don’t want a woman that’s hanging out everyday all day and can’t decipher day from night.

2) Lack of independence: If a man is considering making you his wife, he wants to know he has someone like minded, more so like a life partner. Everyone wants that goal oriented woman that knows her role as a wife and still manages to handle her own without always having her hand out.

1) Smashing the homies: The number one rule of thumb for men seems to be the whole “smashing the homies” thing.  According to these guys, men like to feel as if they have something new, “Marrying a woman no one knows (sexually) is like winning 1^st place in a race.  No one wants to marry the chick that’s been around the neighborhood or around the crew, she’s great to have around for convenience but putting a ring on it is a big no no!”

At the end of the day it’s all about loving and respecting yourself. You can’t make anyone love you and trust me if you gotta make them, they’re not worth it!

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What My Mother Taught Me (and YOU too)

My mom is literally the “mother of all clichés.” Whenever she wanted to teach me a lesson, she would pull from her “old sayings” bank and make a deposit into my life. No matter what it was, every message was taught around a cliché. “You can catch more bees with honey than you can with vinegar” was used when she was trying to teach me how maintaining a sweet demeanor was far better than a sour one. Back then, I simply nodded my head and sighed during our re-created Cosby Show episodes. But today, I realize that my mother was and still is a woman of incredible wisdom.

As a man, this same cliché plays on repeat whenever I’m in the process of selecting the words that I want to use in my relationships. I spend quite some time on this subject because words can create or destroy our relationships. A simple word can add fuel to a fire, or extinguish its burning flames. Even Proverbs says how “pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.” If we are to maintain healthy relationships, we have to add more pleasant words to our vocabulary bank.

Every time we speak, we’re either making a deposit into our partners life or we're overdrawing their account. When we use sharp words, they penetrate the skin like a bee sting. It’s usually a sign that we're trying to protect or defend an area that should be openly discussed. But instead of drawing the one you love closer, you’re swatting them away with the impact of your words. I’ve been guilty of this myself. I can admit that my words were once bitter. They came from a deep dark place of discontentment, frustration, and unhappiness. I was unable to effectively communicate my feelings to my mate, and therefore caused an increase in these unwanted traits. It wasn’t until I began to pay close attention to my words (and remember what my mother told me) that I was able to see a change in the way my relationship buzzed. What's the lesson today? Take time to evaluate what words you use to express yourself in the name of love. And ask yourself, what have I said lately to sweeten up my honey? Thanks Mom, lessons learned!

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Be A Man, Be A Man, BE A MAN!

There has been so much debate going on lately in groups, blogs and magazines about the shortage of good men. In fact, studies have been done that outline in numbers where available men are, how many are in interracial relationships, how many are married, divorced, etc. However, what none of these studies and discussions did with great detail was identify what a man or even a "good man" consisted of. Let me be clear, today's blog isn't a male bashing article, and the term “good man” is as subjective as the person using it. This is a call to action for men and an educational enhancement for women.  But I have sat silent for far too long, and for us to get back to being the kings that our queens need, this had to be said...

1. Every male above the age of 18 is not a man. He is legally an adult in most states, but some are no more of a man than a puppy that is big enough to be a dog.
2. Some boys are not being taught what manhood is. Manhood is so much more than you being the only male in your house so you can be called “the man of the house.” Manhood requires growth, maturity, responsibility, accountability, action, respect, determination and most definitely prayer.
3. Being a grown ass man requires no introduction. How many times have you heard someone say they were a “grown ass man” and yet for the life of you, you simply could not see it because their actions did not fit your ideals of what a “grown ass man” would do or how one should act? Being a "grown ass man" is what others see, not what you say about yourself. 
4. Every true man is REAL, therefore keeping it real is irrelevant. Whether you like what a man says or not, if he has shown himself to be true, then he is real. Saying that you want a real man only means that you want a different man.
5. A man takes care of home. He cleans, he shops, he fixes, he disciplines, he nurtures, he supports, he does WHATEVER is necessary to help ensure the success of his family.
6. A man understands that his praise is not immediate, but it happens over time. When things fall in line, his success will come and when it comes, so does the praise.
7. A man cries and can share his pain with others. There is no such thing as a man not crying. All that means is that he has repressed his emotions, which usually ends up coming out some other way: Usually it's the wrong way, against the wrong person.
8. A man is understanding and respectful. He understands that being rude is not going to get him the desired effect, and he recognizes that things are not always going to go his way all of the time.
9. A man is supportive. He understands that he does not need to try and fix everything every time. Sometimes all he needs to do is listen and lend support when needed.
10. A man does not run from his responsibilities. Whether it be taking care of home, paying child support, going to work, going to church, going wherever. A man is going to meet every challenge head on, even when he does not want to. 

There are so many more parts to what a man is, and I will be delving into this and much, much more this year. However, if a man is doing the things I have already mentioned, he does not have to try and be the head of the household…he IS the head of the household. If you are a single woman and you had a man that was doing these things but he was not “real” enough for you, by all means please do a self assessment. Not every problem in a relationship is attached to the other party. There are "good guys" out there and they are looking for you, all you need to do is be ready when he finds you. Fellas, if you are reading this, I have provided you with a road map of what I have always known a man to be. Some women grew up with these types of men in their lives and they want to know that you will protect them and provide for them if they get with you. So by all means, step up to the plate and be what you were designed by God to be...

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What Men Are Afraid Of (particularly, THIS man)

Over the weekend, LaShaun and I had a chance to open the door to what we've been through in the past 12 years since our marriage to each other. Nothing was off limits, we had just a glimpse at how we failed, and what we were feeling about the relationships we had. Some of it good, most of it bad, but we had to own whatever it was. If we ever planned on being honest and transparent with anyone, we felt it needed to be that way with each other. I've said that I don't want what once was between us, and neither does she. What we had was broken and it took growing up to realize what we had lost as far as the mistakes we made to ourselves and especially to each other. Instead of wanting what we had, what we want is something better, something real, something that is built on honesty. If I can be honest here, I face many days of being afraid...even in relationships. What I am about to list are the realness of my fears. Judge me later if you want, but this is about as real as it gets for me...

• I fear being rejected and not being accepted by my family, friends, woman.
• I fear not being able to provide for my family.
• I fear I might lose my level of significance in the eyes of the one I love if I fail.
• I fear people will find out that sometimes I'm not as courageous as I pretend to be.
• I fear loving myself unconditionally. Sadly, most men never learned love, or saw love. So we love things over loving ourselves.
• I fear being honest because of being judged by people, and having foolish pride.
• My greatest fear, that I am not where God wants me to be, and I'm not doing the work that He wants me to be doing.
• I fear that I will offer the woman in my life my love, and she won’t be able to receive it or be able to return it to me. There, I said it.
• I fear striving too far ahead and not be accepted, and lagging too far behind and be insignificant.
• Men fear failing to the expectations that are put on them by their families, friends, society, the world, church, the news, etc. Men fear love because we are taught not to love in the beginning. So unfortunately, we're playing catch-up with our feelings.

If you look at this and say to yourself that I've got a lot of things out there, I'd say you're right. We all have things out there that are designed to cripple our mind if we let it. I'm just crazy enough to put it out in the bloggersphere because I guess we're all as sick as the secrets we try to keep to ourselves. Now it's time to work on them, so keep your eyes on me as you watch me work... 

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The Five Lessons in "Flirtology"

I must admit that I have never quite perfected the art of flirting. It doesn't stop me from trying occasionally, but sometimes I don't know if I'm doing anything right. You would think that the act comes naturally but this is not necessarily so. It seems my direct style of communication does not lend itself to the subtleties of flirting. Flirting was originally intended to be part of the dating ritual. In dating, flirtation was used to communicate attraction without breaching social norms. When used as originally intended the dance is quite innocent. Mainly because all parties understood and agreed on the meaning and outcome.

Today, flirtatious exchanges have taken on new meaning where often one of the involved parties is confused about the intended results. After all, it is the recipient of the flirtation who is the true judge of how innocent the action is. Often times the "flirter" (initiator) has a hidden agenda that leaves the "flirtee" (recipient) confused. We no longer live in an age where there are universal standards for social behaviors. As a result, flirtation ranges from vague to insulting, and no one seems to question intentions because it falls under the guise of innocence. Lets take a look at a few approaches to flirtation, and then you deduce if you think innocence applies...

 

1. I’ve Still Got It - In this approach, the flirter doesn’t have any interest in the flirtee beyond the exchange. They are simply engaging in an exercise of self validation to see if they still have ‘game’. The danger is when this behavior is bestowed on a flirtee that is either lonely or unstable, they may become confused about the flirters intentions. This mix could lead to an outpouring of unwanted emotions like, "he said he would call but he hasn’t, now I’m really pissed!"

2. Testing the Waters -This approach is most often utilized as a means for the flirter to gauge their chances for success. It reduces the chances of rejection. The danger to this approach is that it sends mixed signals to the flirtee. Since the exchange does not lead to commitment one way or the other, it creates a gray area that breeds insecurity like, "Do they like me or are they just playing with me?"

3. Genuine Romantic Interest- When a flirter takes this approach, they're often looking for a way to get a foot in the door. The danger here is that most people don’t take flirting seriously, so these exchanges must be followed by some definitive action. For example, "She offered to meet me for drinks, at least now I know for sure she’s interested."

4. Flattery - I think this is the only innocent action on the list. The flirter is simply conveying an appreciation for the flirtee. Since the flirtee is the party that receives the most validation, there is little risk of being mislead, especially if the flirter begins and ends the exchange with the one compliment. "Wow, that compliment really made my day! What a nice guy."

5. Gimme Gimme - This one is usually employed for personal gain. Better jobs, free services, special treatment, etc. The danger here is when the flirtee realizes that the flirter is not sincere, there is no predicting the reaction. Additionally there is just a tone of opportunistic behavior that speaks to one’s character. "I can’t believe she was such a gold digger" or "He only wants one thing from me."

So how innocent is flirting? In my opinion not very innocent at all when utilized for ill gains, in many instances it is down right self serving. Then again, since I don't know how to flirt right, I just might have the wrong perspective...

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Check Your Surroundings (just a random thought)

You know, the good thing about when my brain gets to working is that it's constantly on the move, and the bad thing about when it gets to working is I can’t write things down fast enough. This morning I woke up and asked myself, am I surrounding myself around uplifting people?  Am I surrounded by people who have my best interest at heart, who want the best for my future, who rejoice in my happiness and stop to pray for my family and me?  Or do I keep the company of downers: people who wait for me to trip so they can judge my fall. People who talk down about my future when I’m not around and say, “he will never…”, and people who have pity for me instead of uplifting me”.  I really had to evaluate my life because by me being such an outgoing and friendly person, I allow many different people to enter in and fail to do a check scan on them to see what they really are all about.

Sad to say but this world we live in is so secretly cut throat. We tend to push away or neglect the ones that are uplifting, because the ones that are not have won an Academy Award for being the star in the movie “Friend”. I told myself I wouldn’t get to the point of allowing what another human does affect me and my feelings, but that’s not as easy as I thought. Say for instance, if one of my friends were to come to me and say they want to invest in a bag of worms and that’s their dream; although I must say I would have to repeat back to them what they said to be sure this is what they want, I would support them in every way possible. Speak life into their dreams, uplift their spirits when others are telling them how silly the idea is, and knowing how much I personally don't care for worms, I would even go with them to pick them out. I'm saying all of this to say, try not to be a dream killer. In turn, help them to be a dream chaser. You'll never know the outcome. Speaking life into another person is so important; I mean I can’t say it enough! Even if that person tries and fails, they still had the beauty of trying; they had something else to add to their journey in life. We have to explore the living and learning of life, and how beautiful to have someone uplifting you along the way.

So after boggling my mind today and questioning myself about these people I allowed to enter my life, I began to question me. “Show me myself …” is what I said when I looked in the mirror. Not just the face that I see on a daily basis, but show me my character. What is it that I have to offer to the world? Sometimes we need to see the reflection of what we display to others. How can you correct what you don’t recognize; and maybe people are showing traits of what they feel are shown to them. I know me personally; I would rather be in the company of one positive person versus being in the company of one hundred negative ones, who wants to be surrounded by that all day everyday? Thanks for letting me get this off my mind today. Like I said, when my brain gets to working, it's hard to keep up with it...

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Finding A Good Head Guy

In the beginning, he is sweet, attentive, and the chemistry is obvious. The thought of seeing him gives you butterflies and he makes you giggle like a teenage girl. His touch makes you shiver involuntarily and his kiss makes you float like Tinkerbelle. Your feelings are bubbling over in anticipation of where the relationship will go because he is absolutely delicious. So you decide to indulge, move fast, and let your feelings run the show. Then poof, the relationship ends somewhere between date four and month three, and you’re left wondering what went wrong (again).

Emotions, hormones and desires all color our romantic and platonic relationships. They cause us to paint roses on prickly guys, dust off the dirty ones, and build fantasies when the reality isn’t so great.  How many times have you looked back on a guy who you use to be crazy about and questioned if you were crazy for dating him? Or, have you ever bumped into a man who you thought was the bomb.com back in the day and now he’s nothing special? Sometimes, we let the emotions of the moment get the best of us rather than looking and waiting for the guy who gives us really good head, and I am not talking about sex.

A relationship with really good head means that it is more than physical and chemical. You’ve made a connection with the person as a human being, and not just as an object of desire. You’ve thought about what you need in a mate and you understand what you have to offer, and you're making a decision to date men who do the same because you now get that successful relationships are about much more than feelings and attraction. So, what are some signs of a good head guy?

• Slow –  He is not in a rush for commitment or sex.  He is really focused on trying to get to know you. (Big warning sign if he is moving too fast.)
• Open – He wants you to know about him (likes, interests, family, friends), and you are comfortable with being as open with him.
• Demonstrative – He demonstrates his interest in you and actively shows he cares.
• Consistent – His behavior, how he talks to you, and the time he gives you are consistent. No weird gaps or lingering questions.
• Generous – He is generous with his time, information, feelings, resources and life.

Most of us, if not all of us want successful and long-lasting relationships. To get there, we have to practice moving beyond physical attraction to a head-centered way of selecting our mate or next date.  So enjoy the goose bumps, butterflies, and giggles, but remember to use your head too...

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