You, Me, and He or She

Dear RL, 

Help me! I am in a situation that I have no clue what to do. I’ve been seeing someone for about 4 weeks, and I like them, but my heart is still with someone else. I thought I was doing the right thing by moving on, but I am afraid that I am about to hurt someone that I really care about. In addition to this, I have been getting texts and emails from the person who “has my heart.” I’m confused, and I want to do the right thing…please tell me what to do. 

Thanks, Liking and Loving

Dear Liking and Loving,

This is a situation that many singles find themselves in. If you date enough people, sometimes you will find yourself in like and in love with two different people. While it seems confusing, there is a possible solution to your dilemma.

First of all, we have to realize that when a relationship comes to an end, it’s like a death. I had to end a relationship because although I liked her, I was in love with someone else. I know first hand the nights I went back and forth before I made a decision. In the end, someone was going to be hurt and there was no escaping that. In the end, I was "in like" with my current at the time, but I was "in love" with someone else. To remedy this, I created a break-up process called, “The D-Method.” Without taking up too much space, the process starts with “deliberate” and ends with “decide.”  However, before getting to the last step, there’s a step in-between called, “detach.” If you’re finding yourself in like with one person, and in love with another, then you may want to consider backtracking out of your current relationship, and beginning the process of detaching from the last one.

Detachment means that you keep to yourself until you are indifferent about the relationship that you just concluded, as well as the person you were in the relationship with. Indifference means that you no longer have an emotional reaction about the relationship or the person. More specifically, this means that seeing them or hearing from them doesn’t cause you to be excited, apprehensive, angry, or anything similar. Until you reach that point, starting another relationship might not be a good idea.

Despite all of this, I applaud Liking and Loving for taking the steps to move on. It takes courage to end any relationship, so a “BRAVO!” is in order. If you choose to take my advice, then you will have to tell the person you like that you need to step away from this relationship, and that won’t be fun, but it at least it will be fair to everyone involved...

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