A Message From The Gentleman

For the past few days, I’ve been thinking about things that bother me in relationships. I have a friend that openly and verbally abuses her boyfriend. One of my friends is having communication problems with his girlfriend. I saw a woman blatantly ignoring her two children and husband, while her attention was glued to her iPhone. It just baffles me how we can look around us and notice so many things that seem absurdly irritating with other couples, yet how many times do we take the time to look up?

There were so many things that came to mind when I thought about how much dating has evolved over the years. From the days of MySpace to Facebook, and from Tinder to Tumblr, there are so many social media platforms for dating and social networking that I feel a majority of us are confining our social interactions to behind a screen. We’re never present when we are face-to-face. It’s almost as if we’ve forgotten how to use our voices and verbally speak to one another. I came up with five dating trends that I felt needed to be revived. Some might seem “old school” but I believe that if they were implemented, we’d see fewer divorces or dysfunctional couples. It’s not a foolproof list, but I think they’re valid suggestions.

1. Going out on a whim. I miss meeting people the old-fashioned way. For example, I met all my previous exes at places I frequented or worked. I miss meeting people in what I consider the “old-fashioned” way. I call it “going out on a whim.” How many people actually ask for a number or even just a name of someone they connect with at the grocery store, or the office building for which they work, or the Starbucks they frequent before work, or at the gym? Not many that I know of.

2. Holding open doors. I know it’s sort of cliché and I’m all for the “independent” approach, like I know you don’t NEED a man to hold open a door, but it’s definitely a nice gesture. It doesn’t have to be the extreme of all the time, but you have to admit, it’s somewhat embarrassing or perhaps slightly shameful when another man opens the door for somebody else's woman, yeah?

3. Talking on the phone. I feel like so much can be misconstrued through texting, emailing, messaging, etc. For me, it’s all about the inflection of a voice. It’s hard to detect that through text. For example, people that respond with “K” which is my absolute biggest pet peeve. However, most times people are just too lazy to give me an “OK” or a little bit more of an actual response. I’m not going to lie; I only talk to a few people on the phone, aside from professional calls. I talk to my parents on the regular, and a couple close friends. I don’t like the awkward pauses, the moment before saying goodbye, and the different ticks everybody has when speaking [i.e. one of my friends likes to insert “like” every other word]. But in all honesty, when I started dating, I realized how much more I like talking to her on the phone than just texting her. Sometimes it’s more convenient, you’re in between meetings or traveling, I understand.

4. Interacting with each other. I see so many people on their phones and I’ll admit there are times when I do it too when they’re on a date. I’ve witnessed, especially with young couples, they’ll just sit on their phones the entire date. Just the other day I was having breakfast, and I noticed a family sitting across from me. The mother was on her phone, very absent from her two young children and husband. Even after her children and husband left, she was still on her phone. At one point, she finally set her phone down and started chatting with a young waiter. I like going on dates where you can truly interact, talk, laugh and participate in fun activities like bowling, or going to the movies, etc. Communication is the number one contributing factor to strong and healthy relationships in my opinion.

5. Handwritten letters. Handwritten things have significance [to me] for many reasons. One, it shows that the person took the time and effort to write something, which leads me to number two: they wrote something sincere, something that came from the heart. And three, I’m a writer, so anything handwritten is something I take very personally, read carefully and hold dearly. Everybody is mobile, and publishing is migrating to electronic versions. But me? I like the ruggedness of a physical book, the crisp smell of the pages, and the way you can smudge and wear the ink. That’s the beautiful thing about handwritten letters. As a wordsmith, the careful positioning of words to me mean everything. One day, I hope to find someone who can understand a fraction of what it is I feel when it comes to the power of a letter.

Chivalry isn’t dead, and these to me are a few ways it can be kept alive…

relationshiplessons.net

How to Live Single and Happy, and Single!

There are just as many happy, fulfilled, single people you will encounter as there are unhappy and undervalued people who are in a relationship. One “title” you are assigned by your choices does not change your level of internal happiness. Unfortunately, our society helps to perpetuate the idea that if you are single, you are “unworthy” of love and your goal should be finding a relationship. When in reality, it is of course better to remain single and only accept the love you deserve, than to settle for negative relationships along the way. So, here are some suggestions to help in the quest for happiness and fulfillment that doesn’t rely on another person...

1. Get into a fitness routine. Sure, you can do this when you are in a relationship also, but having myself fallen victim to the potential laziness that comes along with wanting to spend your time staying in with someone, and the temptation of ordering out, unless you have an active partner who will keep you moving, it is easy to fall into a slower moving routine. When you’re single, not only are you more motivated to look your best, but it is easier to spend your time out at the gym and not worry about leaving someone at home. Then, when you do get into a relationship, your fitness routine will be part of the deal and you’ll be less likely to break it.

2. Take time to define what you want in a partner. I’m certainly not saying to sit around and pine over a person you’re not longer with. Being single is a great opportunity to use your mental and emotional time to define in your mind what type of person you want to be with. Essentially, you are laying the groundwork for your next relationship and will waste less time with the wrong people if you know what you’re looking for. Just remember, nobody is perfect and you can’t expect someone to fall into the exact image you’ve created. Be flexible, but never settle for less than you deserve.

3. Travel. Whether it be overseas, or renting a beach house with some friends, finding yourself in different environments will help expand your view of the world and realize just how many people are out there you can be friends with.

4. Indulge in yourself. Whether it means getting your nails done, buying yourself a new set of paint brushes, a watch that’s just a little more expensive than you’re comfortable with, spending a little of your hard earned money and free time to do something for yourself will give your mood a boost.

5. Join a new group. I know a fantastic group of people brought together at frequent events who offer the ability to go out to multiple higher end venues during the week. There will always be a great group of interesting people who just want to talk and learn more about you. What better atmosphere is there to be in if you are single, or even if you are not single? Since there is no emotional allegiance to anyone during your single days, you can find yourself in any group, anywhere, anytime, and making a connection with anyone without feeling bad about it. If you find or create a group like this in your area, your schedule will never be empty.

6. Understand you are a whole, complete person. You don’t need someone to complete you, only someone to accept you completely. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you will understand that happiness comes from within and you don’t need to be with someone in order for it to happen. You may recognize the quote “you must love yourself before you can love someone else”. This isn’t the self-love we see flooding social media where people compliment themselves, real self love is about developing a solid identity, realizing what you deserve in a teammate, and not settling for any less. The most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. If that one isn’t healthy, then none of your others will be either.

Regardless of your age, we need to drop the social stigma that being in a relationship means being happy and being single means being sad and alone. The happier you are being single, the more likely you are to attract other positive, active, fulfilled people into your life, and the less likely you are to be upset about it if you don’t. Now get out there and create the life you want to live with yourself!

relationshiplessons.net 

How You Can BE Her Superhero

When we think about the word “superhero” we think of costumes, long capes, masks, and superpowers. It’s safe to say that most people at some point, have wished they could have at least one power from one hero, or maybe to just become that character entirely. While we can’t fly, be indestructible, or have x-ray vision, there are plenty of other ways that we, as men, can be a superhero to the women in our lives.

A superhero will reveal his secrets to her. While Lois Lane knows Clark Kent is superman, and Mary Jane knows who Peter Parker really is, they keep their secrets hidden from others. They have enough trust in their relationship with the special woman in their life to open up to them and let them know the truth. A healthy relationship will be open and honest between both partners. Secrets only lead to distrust and skepticism.

A superhero is reliable and consistent. To be a great superhero, she has to know you’ll be there when she needs you. She has to know you’ll be there when you say you will. It could be something as simple as not calling her after work when you said you would. Small things like this might seem like a simple oversight to you, but from her perspective it’s gradually lessening her confidence in you and she’s wondering why she doesn’t feel like a priority in your life. Always keep your word, like a real superhero would.

A superhero will inspire her. A superhero’s courage, kindness, integrity, and defense of what’s right will inspire everyone around him to do and be better versions of themselves. With so much negativity in the world, we are naturally attracted to those who light the way by being positive and honorable. Nobody is perfect, and even superheroes have their flaws – but the resolve to live a good life will light the way for those around you.

A superhero protects her physically. As a card carrying gentleman, I was always taught to use violence only as your very last resort. That being said, I believe a man should be willing and able to protect the woman he loves should the situation arise, even if she can protect herself. This is an unpredictable world we live in, and we need to be ready for whatever it puts in our path.

A superhero makes her feel safe. Even if there is no need to physically protect her in conflict, it is important she feels as though you can. To me, one of the best compliments a man can receive from a woman is that she feels safe around him. This is even more important than attraction or your looks, because if she doesn’t feel secure and able to sleep soundly with you, you’re doing something wrong. While you may not be in danger of a villain knocking down the door, just having you around will make her feel better. It is just as much part of emotional safety as it is physical safety.

A superhero doesn’t only protect her, but also protects her reputation. Any good man, but particularly a superhero, would never let anyone speak negatively of the woman he loves. He will keep her safe when they are together and always make sure she is held in the highest regard when they are not. He does not share intimate details or use her as a conquest for bragging rights. Their relationship is their relationship, alone. And he will keep it that way.

A superhero respects her. A real superhero will treat a woman with the respect that she deserves, never force her to do anything she is uncomfortable with, and never mistreat her. In fact, they’re usually fighting against those who do.

A superhero has a weakness. This point may not seem to fit in a list full of positive qualities, but it’s all about perspective. Vulnerability, believe it or not can be strength. Like kryptonite to Superman, we all have something that we have difficulty overcoming in life. But, this is what makes us human. This is what allows us to have emotions (which can make us even stronger), and allows her to be a superhero to us sometimes, too. Women like to be able to take care of us just as we like to be able to take care of them. If we are always stone cold and show no emotion, it will be much harder for her to know how we feel and to build a solid foundation for a relationship with us. To ask for her help or advice is never an admittance of weakness, but strength to know when it’s needed – don’t shy away from it.

A superhero has a code. This is what separates the good from the evil; the hero from the villain, and the moral from the immoral. Each superhero has a line they will not cross. It keeps them trustworthy, honest, and in line. If for example, as a man, your code is to never cheat on the woman you love – your very self-identity will be reliant on staying true to that pledge. Sometimes what a superhero won’t do is just as important as what a superhero will do. While every superhero has their own unique past, motivations and characteristics, certain consistencies can be found among them.

Remember, even when it seems like the villain is going to win, even when it seems like they are going to sabotage the superhero or steal the woman away, even when it seems like there is no hope and the fight is lost, the good guy always wins in the end...

relationshiplessons.net

Confession of a Church Girl

I love blogging, can't you tell? I come across some amazing writers who know a hell of a lot more than me, and I'm not afraid to give them a stage when its relevant. Today's subject couldn't be any more relevant if I wrote it myself, and something tells me that I could never write this from her perspective. From diaryofayoungdatingministry.blogspot.com, here is Kristen Kimble...

“So you’re a church girl,” he said. I laughed to myself. Here we go. “No, I’m Christian who happens to be a woman,” I said. I’m a preacher’s daughter and grew up in church all of my life. Now I’m fully aware of the stereotype and misconceptions that come with being the “church girl”. Let me see if I get this right:

1. We’re freaks.
2. We say we go to church.
3. We shout on Sunday mornings, but get us in the bedroom and we'll have you shouting “thank you Jesus”. 

Waiting until marriage is a cute theory but let’s be real, who does that these days? I do! At least that’s my goal and I’m striving. For clarification purposes to all men, just because a woman claims to be a Christian but may sleep with you, should not discredit her Christianity or her morals and values. Sounds a bit strange or hypocritical? I’m speaking only from my perspective and experience.

I’m an affectionate person. I love love and I love to display it through hugs, kisses, etc. Blame it on my Capricorn sign or simply just the way God created me. When I'm in a relationship, because of my faith and desire to be celibate, it’s a struggle that gets the best of me from time to time. I meet a great guy. I put my belief and desire to be celibate upfront. He accepts it and states that although that may or may not be his desire, he will oblige. But every once in a while the flesh of passion rises and I succumb to my own desire of pleasure. I feel a bit guilty afterward (that’s called conviction). I repent and strive to do better.

We have the “talk” in which I explain why we can’t do it again and we must set boundaries for the relationship. But then it may happen again from time to time. I know this drives the man crazy. And I’ve absolutely realized that it’s not fair to the guy. Its a roller coaster ride that is fun at first, but then it just gets annoying and makes you sick.

In defense, for those who may be Christians, the struggle between spirit and flesh is so real, particularly with dating. Its the same concept between right and wrong. Doing what you know is right, and doing what you know will make you feel good for the moment. It's called being human. Just because a woman is a Christian doesn't negate her desire for intimacy and sex. Sex is great and the ultimate form of intimacy when with the right person. But understand that the struggle is not just about sex, but what are we really saying about God. How is that being portrayed to the guy I’m dating? Am I feeding into the stereotype? Am I giving him a bad view of Christians? Am I drawing him to the church or away from the church? It's not like the church doesn’t have a bad reputation already. Did I mention the struggle is real?

Speaking of the church, dating is such an under taught concept that begins and ends with “don’t have sex before marriage”. What about the in-between. How do we do we do the whole dating thing God’s way? Many of us are left to our own interpretations.

Listen fellas, it’s not our desire to get you all excited and aroused and then leave you hanging with frustration and agitation. It’s not our desire to lead you on or misrepresent Christ. It is our desire to be in a healthy relationship that pleases God. So on behalf of all Christian woman who love God but struggle in the area of abstinence, we apologize.

Ladies, we must take responsibility for our actions and our struggles. We must be upfront with our belief and desires and stick with it! The guy will either respect it, challenge it, or go with the flow until he gets fed up. We must develop self control and boundaries. We can’t get upset with a guy who only wants sex when we constantly give it up, praying about it later, then inviting him to church. In the meantime, we're wondering why we don’t go out much. We know why we don't go out much. Mr. Right will not only oblige our desire to wait until marriage, but will have his own standards and boundaries that will align with your same belief.

Fellas, “church girls” are actually great women to seek after. We have our struggles like every other woman, but if she is truly a Christian woman who goes to church and has a relationship with Christ, she will not seek to frustrate you, but build you up and be more of an influence than a hindrance. Besides, the stereotypes of “church girls” may hold a little truth, and from what I hear, most men want a lady in the streets, but a…., well you’ll have to put a ring on it before we complete the rest of that statement!

relationshiplessons.net

It's All A Learning Experience (Guest Blogger)

Today's anonymous Guest Blogger took on my challenge to share his experiences on his relationship journey. He finally got it, thanks to a little help from his Dad. Since this is Father's Day weekend, I ask that you read it for yourself...

  

"It’s all a learning experience". I used to hate that saying. Growing up, my father said that a lot. I always cringed a little inside, since that phrase was almost always used when you envisioned an outcome and it didn’t go the way you planned. I would tell him my “problem” or "thing that went wrong" and his response never differed: “It’s all a learning experience”. After cringing, I would tell myself he didn’t know what he was talking about, but boy was he right and boy did I find out that it goes beyond mixing your red and white laundry together.

Breakups suck. We go through about one, five, a dozen of them before we find the right person? I don’t know the answer, as I’m still waiting for my number and waiting for Ms. Right to come along. I’m still waiting for someone who would also think that it’s fun to go out in the middle of a downpour and slow dance, just for the heck of it. I haven’t found that one yet, but as my dad said, “It’s all a learning experience”.

Recently I went through another breakup, this time it was different. This time I was completely blindsided. We had just spent a beautiful time together in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. We were planning future trips together, we were doing a lot of activities together, and we were great together (or so I thought). We hadn’t slow danced in the rain yet, but I thought it was possible. Inside I told myself, “This is it.” I thought, “This is the one.” So did everyone else around us. They all said how well we fit together, how good we were together.

Then one afternoon, a phone call came. “I’m not emotionally attached to you anymore” she said. I was confused. How can you spend so much effort and time with someone, show so much affection, and then tell them you’re no longer attached? What did I do or say that was wrong? What happened? I never got an answer. I never was told why, or what made her feel that way. But you know what? “It’s all a learning experience”.

Three weeks later, it’s Thursday night and a buddy invites me to go out and have a few drinks. Sure, why not? It could be fun. We order and have a seat at the bar, and of course he tells me he wants to talk to women. I start to cringe. I feel my body and mind start to resist this “going out" thing, and thoughts like “I’m not ready yet” crept in. I felt uncomfortable all of a sudden. Then this woman comes over. She’s attractive and has a great smile. She starts talking to me, smiling the whole time. In that moment I interrupt her mid-sentence and say the first words that come to mind: “Your smile is contagious”. It was, and it wasn’t a pick-up line. It was totally authentic; in the moment, it was the first thing that popped in my brain. I felt myself smiling because her smile made me smile. I felt warmth in my body, and the feeling of connection.

We talked for hours that night. She was my type: traveled a lot, held a Masters in mathematics, could speak multiple languages, shared the same outlook on life, and was very attractive. Nothing happened; no phone numbers were exchanged, but I learned my father’s lesson that night. As I drove home, I thought about her and the great conversation we had. I was still smiling because of the connection, the conversations, and that gorgeous smile (I like a woman who smiles. Can you tell?). That’s when it hit me. I can find someone who is the right fit for me. I can be the person I want to be, find the person I want to be with, and re-create and better my next relationship. Duh! Why has it taken me this long to figure this out? Why is it that every time I break up with someone, I feel I’m in the wrong or that it was my fault? Why do I need an answer to “Why?”

It’s because "it's all a learning experience". Thanks Dad, I’m learning the lesson.

relationshiplessons.net 

How Cheating Is Cheating When You Know You're Cheating

I received this email (myrelationshiplessons@gmail.com) from a reader...

I love your insight and columns. I use them as a guide for what I want in a man, and to keep me focused on what is right and acceptable for me in a relationship. Can you PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE help me spread the word that sending “suggestive” texts, emails and such when you are in a committed relationship is cheating and being unfaithful. So many ex’s (and friends ex’s) I know see nothing wrong with it since no physical contact took place. Can you help out some of us girls, please?

So, I began thinking about her request. There are likely men and women out there who all have different personal definitions of what “cheating” means. This can obviously cause some issues if someone thinks they’re being relatively innocent, but their partner is totally not okay with what’s unfolding. Here are a few things that you might not feel fall under the cheating umbrella, but your partner very well may think otherwise...

Deleting text messages from other men or women. This one is kind of shaky ground, because those texts might be totally innocent and that man or woman could be a completely platonic friend…but then, why are you deleting them? Perhaps you’re with someone who is overly possessive and you’re not “allowed” to have friends of the opposite sex. With someone like this, obviously the definition of “cheating” will be much tighter, but it will be cheating in their eyes nonetheless. Now, whether or not you should be staying with someone who takes their distrust to that extreme is a whole other conversation. The bottom line is that if you’re doing your best to bury your bones in the proverbial backyard, they’re probably not bones you should be playing with in the first place.

Sending those ‘suggestive emails’ we mentioned above. Come on, really? Whether it’s emails or Facebook messages, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people complain in a tweet or a status about someone whose page says “In A Relationship” and they’ve got clear intentions with the messages they’re sending. In the age of social media people will know if you’re available or not, and if you’re trying to meet up with someone else when you’re committed, you’ll probably get called out. You’re not even blurring the line here, you’re just stepping right over it.

Being emotionally closer to someone else than you are to your partner. No, cheating does not have to be physical. In fact, emotional cheating can be even worse (if that’s possible), because if something is strictly physical, it may not remove you emotionally from the relationship completely (Note: I don’t think any type of cheating is acceptable, physical or emotional). It’s perfectly normal to have friends of both genders in whom you can confide and talk about things with, both good and bad. The issue begins to present itself when you are substituting this other person for your significant other. Do you feel closer to them? More connected? Would you rather talk to, or spend time with them? Are you texting them when you’re with the one you “love”? These are all questions to ask yourself.

Trading photos with someone. This one should be obvious, because it basically classifies as sexting. A real stretch of an excuse could be that it’s the same as just looking at pornography because you’re not actually physically touching someone – but if it’s someone you’re literally talking to, building a connection with, and asking to get pictures from, in return for sending your own, you’re crossing the line. Especially if these pictures are R-Rated, or as a guideline, wouldn’t be something they would post on Facebook that you could have just downloaded. That would be weird by the way, and you’re better than that.

“Forgetting” to mention that you’re in a relationship. If you’re out with friends and you meet someone new through casual conversation, I’m not saying to blurt out “OH, I’M IN A RELATIONSHIP” immediately, but the longer you go without finding a way to fit it into the conversation, the more out of your hands the trajectory of discussion could get. There is no avoiding the impending awkwardness of this situation. Either you’re going to end up exchanging numbers with someone you have no intention of contacting (hopefully), or you’re going to bring up your boyfriend/girlfriend way after it made sense to in the first place, and someone will end up disappointed.

A relationship goes far beyond physicality. The only thing that separates a committed relationship from a “friends with benefits” scenario is the emotional bond you share with your partner. This bond is present whether or not they are in the same room with you, and your actions when they’re not around should reflect the emotional commitment you’ve made. To be safe, just ask yourself if you would be okay with your significant other hearing, seeing, or feeling what you are doing with someone else. If you wouldn’t do it in front of them, don’t do it behind their backs. If you’re going to do it, save everyone some heartache and just stay single…

relationshiplessons.net 

The Questions We Need To Ask

One of the worst things that we do in our relationships is we love to make assumptions. We assume that our partners receive love in the same manner that we do. We assume that our partners expect the same things from marriage that we do. We assume that our partner defines monogamy the same way that we do. The assumptions are endless. Along with the occasional dose of courage and vulnerability, if we only learned to let go of our assumptions, we would experience so much more authentic bliss in our love lives.

If you get in the habit of asking the three following questions, I promise that you will pull the rug out from underneath the vast majority of your emotional suffering in your relationships. Even the attempt at having these kinds of conversations is an act of the ultimate love, reserved for the kinds of people who have had the courage to face their own internal demons and to choose love over fear throughout the course of their entire lives.

1. What are you looking for from a relationship? Ask this question early on in the dating process. So much of the pain that you may have experienced in your dating life could have been from going after someone who was incompatible with you. Whether we realized it or not at the time, we often end up in relationships with people that do not have any long-term potential for what we’re looking for.

Get clear on what you’re looking for in a romantic partner and then have the courage to screen for these things early on in the dating process. If you know that something is important to you, then you are fully within your right to ask your potential significant other about this information outright. Do you want kids? Do you want a partner who is kind and compassionate? Do you want to date someone who has a similar style of intelligence as you? Let it be known. You can ask someone you are dating, even on the first date, “What are you looking for from a relationship?” By getting clear on this from the outset, you both save yourselves time if you discover that you’re looking for different things.

2. How can I love you the best? Whether you ask this question on your tenth date, or after two years to fifty years of partnership is irrelevant. Get absolutely clear on how it is that your partner wants you to love them. Some people need more time to themselves while others need as much quality time and physical connection as possible. Some people desire deeply stimulating conversations, while others would rather hold hands while sitting in silence. What registers as love to you doesn’t necessarily register as love to your partner. We bring increasing amounts of intentionality to our health, to our finances, and to our career aspirations, but the majority of us are still stunted in how we show up in our relationships. 

So the best thing we can do is come to our partnership with the honest question, “How can I love you the best?” After hearing their responses, love them as they have asked (unless you are unable to, in which case you might need to relinquish them to allow them to get their needs met with someone else).

3. How am I doing as a partner lately? The last question is often the most difficult for people to ask. By honestly (and regularly) checking in with your significant other about how you are showing up for them as a partner, you will be inviting the kind of dialogue that would eradicate half of the divorces across the world. We don’t ask this question because we often don’t want to know the answer. It’s a vulnerable question, with an answer that will likely threaten our egos. It’s easier to assume that we’re doing everything right than to intentionally check in and see if we could improve in any way.

But here’s the thing, this question isn’t meant to be an exercise in self-shaming. The intention is not to give your partner free reign to cut you to pieces with their words (and, hopefully, you aren’t with someone who would do that to begin with). This question is an extension of “How can I love you the best?” If “How can I love you the best?” in a business context is the quarterly plan, then “How am I doing as a partner lately?” is your check in with your co-worker to see if you’re on track. This isn’t a pass/fail examination, it’s an ever-shifting artful dance between two intentional and loving human beings. The fact that you are even asking this question means that you want to show up, fully engaged in your intimacy.

If you’re entering into a new relationship, start with “What are you looking for in a relationship?”

If you are in an emerging relationship, or have been dating for a while, ask your partner “How can I love you the best?”

And finally, once you have a solid understanding of how it is that your partner wants to feel loved, ask them “How am I doing as a partner lately?”

To me, these are the three best questions you could ever ask your partner…

relationshiplessons.net

"Flawed" to You, is "Beautiful" to Me

No one is perfect, therefore everyone is flawed. What differentiates most people however, is how openly flawed they actually are. How much they embrace those flaws, embrace the individuals they are, how well they understand themselves and how much effort they are willing to put into developing those flawed areas. The word “flawed” is seen as holding a negative meaning, but I’m not certain why that is. Being flawed is only natural. In fact, it’s the reason the world is the way it is and works the way it works.

Without flaws, there would be no evolution, no mistakes, no lessons learned, and no innovation. A flaw is nothing more than a divergence from the nonexistent perfection that human beings have dreamed up in their heads. It’s these differences, these imperfections that allow for uniqueness, individuality and beauty. The most interesting women in the world are by far the most flawed. To me, they are the most beautiful, the most memorable, and the most unforgettable. The beautifully flawed woman has been turning the world of men upside down for centuries, and will continue to do so for as long as men are around to believe in eternity.

The more beautifully flawed she is, the more unforgettable she is - We remember things and people who stand out and don’t fall into the background of our lives as most things and people tend to do. Human beings quickly become accustomed to their surroundings. It may seem unfortunate but the truth is, without becoming accustomed to things and individuals, we would remain in a constant state of stress and discomfort. We get accustomed in order to allow our minds to rest and focus on other aspects of our lives. Every so often, something in our immediate environment we have yet to see or experience presents itself. Sometimes that something is an interesting woman; the way she looks, speaks, thinks, dresses, smells, smiles, the habits she has, the way she drinks her coffee, and her particular sense of humor. Sometimes it’s how she can’t seem to pick a garbage bin because there are too many color options. Sometimes it’s how she seems to always be an emotional wreck and how all we want to do is to console her, kiss her and tell her everything will be all right. Sometimes it’s how she breaks our heart by not being able to commit, by not appreciating us, by not being emotionally or mentally ready to be in a relationship. Whatever the case may be, these “flaws” as many would call them, will make forgetting her even more unlikely.

The more beautifully flawed she is, the more likely she is to shake up your world - What flaws most often lead to is the unexpected, which is one of the main reasons people look down upon them. We men are creatures of habit, creatures that do our best to hold on to our current realities for as long as possible. We don’t like change. We fear the unknown and fear the decisions that the unknown almost always bring. Flaws are fine as long as they are our own; we may be in an elongated state of denial, but regardless of whether or not we’re accepting of them, we know they are there. We’re already accustomed to the reality they allow for. Cue the beautifully flawed woman gliding or stumbling into our lives, and we’re at a loss of words. We’re thrown into a sort of state of confusion and excitement because we become exposed to a different way of living life, a different way of doing things, a different reality that has existed right under our nose this entire time. Sometimes this new version of the world is exactly the change we’re looking for. Other times it’s a detour from our reality, a sort of vacation, but one we aren’t likely to forget.

Being beautifully flawed breeds more flaws, but she’ll keep you guessing - If someone was to ask me to describe my dream woman in one word, it would be “fascinating”. The only way to keep me around is to keep me wondering, keep me thinking, keep me guessing, and keep me wanting to get to know you a little better. Not all men are the same, but we’re all cut from a similar cloth. Men get bored easily, some more easily than others, but men are constantly searching for novelty. Maybe this is why so many seem to find it difficult to settle down, to decide she’s the one, and we’ll never have need for another. Find a woman who’s flawed in just the right way, and she will be more than you need, and maybe even more than you can handle. Flaws allow for innovation and evolution. They allow for the unexpected, which in turn allows one to take advantage and seize opportunities. If you find the right flawed woman to make a part of your life, you’ll be in love with a woman who is constantly changing, constantly evolving, constantly learning and adapting. Of course, not all women have the courage to embrace such a reality, but they do exist. At the same time, most men don’t have the courage to love such a woman, but that would be their loss.

The beautifully flawed aren’t afraid to do, think, and be a little different - There has never existed a perfect man or woman in the history of the human race, nor will ever such an individual exist. We are born to be flawed. My question would be, why are so many of us afraid to embrace the reality we’re already a part of? Some flaws are positive; others are negative. Which one you are is completely up to you, no matter what anyone else will have you believe. If you’re not happy with yourself or happy with a certain aspect of your life, then change it. Make the necessary tweaks so you can look yourself in the mirror and love the person you see.

I’m flawed in a million and one ways, as is every other human being to have ever walked this earth. I accept my flaws, and I work on the flaws I can change and use the flaws I can’t change to my advantage. Men need to find a beautifully flawed woman who does the same. If you find someone who embraces and takes charge of her reality, and uses those flaws to leave her own mark in this hectic world of ours, then you’ll find that one of the greatest impacts she will ever make in her life is the positive impact she will have on his life…

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