Shaking Off The Year of the Bad Relationship, Part 2: Leaving A Failed Relationship

RELATIONSHIP LESSON: The right person can't come into our heart, when its already occupied by the wrong person we put there...

Maybe its time to make the difficult decision to chalk it up as a loss and leave. If you are considering leaving a failed relationship, perhaps it is time to minimize the stressers by picking up tips on how to begin living your own life again. Below are a few tips that are worth pondering...

Be Honest

Admitting the true condition of your relationship is not always easy to do. It can be difficult to admit that you and your partner are not compatible or that you have been unsuccessful with making the relationship work. If you desire a truly loving relationship, you can fool yourself into thinking that things are better than they actually are or imagine that your partner is the person you want them to be rather than who they actually are. If your relationship is not working, it is either time to try a different approach or move on to a healthier situation. It takes a great deal of energy to go on pretending that your relationship is healthy in front of others when it is not. Also, being honest with yourself about the condition of the relationship is important to moving forward with a calm mind, purpose, and to ultimately find closure.

Be Firm

If you have taken an honest look at your situation and realized that you are in a failed relationship, it is time to make a decision and stick with it. It might be wise to set a date when you plan to have everything complete, giving yourself time to find a new living situation, pack, and adjust to a new phase of your life. While your current environment may be tense or unpleasant in the meantime, automatic decisions and rushed moves are not usually healthy for anyone. If the relationship is an abusive one and you are in danger, leaving quickly is necessary. If the situation is very violent, it may be better to leave your possessions behind and move on, as your safety is ultimately the most important thing.

Hope Floats

After you have moved out of the situation, it is important to allow yourself time to grieve and grow stronger on your own. There will be urges to return to the relationship, or even to give the person another chance. As most people would agree, it can be nice to give someone a second chance, but if you're dealing with a bastard, and the offensive was bad enough, that may not be necessary. Also, if you find yourself giving someone a third and fourth chance, you might want to go back to step one and start getting honest with yourself. Leaving a failed relationship is not the end of the world, even though it may feel that way at the time. We are often surprised to find that we relax more or regain a sense of independence after we leave a poor relationship. Many people go through phases of change, as we re-discover who we are by gaining new interests. A sense of happiness and relief is common, as hope eventually floats to the top once more.

Set Goals

A lack of vision makes every decision difficult and harder to manage. Without an end goal, many find themselves floundering in their transition period, which can lead to second guessing and insecurity. It is best to have a solid plan and follow it all the way through. Of course there will be concessions to be made where appropriate, but the goal is to move on with your life in a healthy and productive way. Setting goals can help maintain focus in the tough periods when you find them calling you to come back. Leaving a failed relationship is only a stepping stone on your path to a better life. You should always plan further than the decision to move on because it is just as hard to stick with your decision as it is to initialize it. Think of where you would like to be in six months and what you would enjoy doing and gear your goals in that direction. If six months is too far in advance, try one month. Either way, time heals all things, and eventually you will need to depend less on goals to keep you focused.

Remember that nothing is permanent, and while you may feel discouraged at being unable to support yourself for the moment, the situation is only temporary. Take a look at the goal you thought of and the steps you need to take to get there to remember that you are moving forward, and some situations are just passing ones on the road to something better. Whatever the present situation may be, it is still better than remaining in a failed relationship. At least now you have a chance for success...

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