Divorced and Dating with Baggage at 40

There are times when you can't advance in your relationship life without clearing away some of the weighty bags that hold you down. Truth be told, its not just your relationship life, but life in general that can hold you back if you don't rid some things. Back on September 21st, I talked about certain types of emotional baggage, but baggage can be many things to many people. Here’s a list of some types of relationship baggage, although I’m sure some things will be left out:

1. Children from a previous marriage
2. Hurt from a bitter divorce
3. Trust issues from a cheating partner
4. Disappointments from past dating experiences
5. Money/credit issues from previous marriage (or life in general)
6. Large child support or alimony payments
7. Parental issues
8. Self-esteem and image issues
9. Work/career issues
10. Health problems
11. Poor outlook on life
12. Negativity about love, dating, etc.

Whew – that’s a whole lot of baggage! Sort of like the quantity you might see at the airport. The truth is everyone has problems. From a Zen perspective, its said that everyone has 88 problems, and when you are lucky enough to get rid of one, another appears! So what can be done to minimize the stuff you carry around?

You are made from the totality of our experiences. How you LOOK at the totality of these experiences is what truly matters. That’s why #11 and 12 are the biggest bags of all – they're more like trunks, because they influence  your experience of everything that happens to you.

How can you LIVE and LEARN? Let’s say for example you had a brutal divorce which is traumatic and hard for anybody to live through, but you did. The question becomes, how can you LIVE and LEARN? What did you discover that you will never want to put up with again? What signs would you pay attention to next time? These “growth opportunities” can change you in a positive way, not just add to your negativity or baggage.

If you’re negative about love or life, that counts as baggage. Don’t kid yourself into thinking negativity is not one of the 88 problems. It’s the kind of baggage that screams out like a neon sign across your forehead. People can tell. I’ve been on both sides so I know first hand.

The best thing you can do is learn how to re-train your thinking. There are several productive and healthy methods to do this such as traditional therapy, hypnosis, energy balancing and healing, prayer, positive self-talk and affirmations. That’s just a partial list. Sometimes we need a blend of multiple options!

Start somewhere, anywhere. Once you begin your climb back up the attitude ladder, you will feel more optimistic, and dramatically increase your attractiveness to the opposite sex. The rewards for this healing work are plentiful and it’s well worth the trouble.

Empty out some of those bags or maybe let go and drop a few to find the love you want...

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