Love Rehab

Whether you are trying to recover from a short term or long term relationship, it takes time. Whether you're the one who left, or you're the one left behind, there is still a recovery period. How much of a recovery period can is based on many factors. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to relationship recovery – it can be different for everyone. Many people try to offer advice about how to recover from a relationship. While most people have good intentions, the advice is often unsolicited or just doesn't seem to help.  We're all different, so no one can say they have walked in our exact shoes or circumstances. What may have worked for them, may not work for us. Some people say you have to go out, get back into the game and play the field. While that may be true, there is a time and place for everything and we all get to that place at a different pace.

When I divorced after a 12 year marriage, I read just about every book I could get my hands on from how to win her back, to learning how to let go. 10 years later, I never found the exact answer that fit me, but I formulated my own solutions from a combination of things I learned along the way. Most people try to discourage us from taking time for ourselves to regroup and recover, however for some of us, that is exactly what we need, at least for awhile. While I did go out, met new people and worked on rebuilding my life, I also took time to be by myself...for myself to recover. I think there are some times when we need time to sit back, lick our wounds, get our heads on straight and heal a bit. Thanks to my two best friends Jennifer Richardson and Annetta Garrett, they helped me become the person I am proud to be today, even after taking their advice when I really didn't want to. Failed relationships can bruise our ego, poison our attitudes and scar our souls. Sometimes, we just need to go to Love Rehab. For some of us, when we are hurting or just not happy, we may not even feel fit to be around other people so we keep to ourselves for awhile. I did not want to become jaded or cynical so when I felt that way, I took time to retreat for awhile. I wanted to be strong enough and healthy enough so that when I went out, I would attract more positive things into my life. My dating became cyclical, on again – off again.  I would date for awhile, find myself getting hurt or discouraged and would take a break until I felt strong enough to put myself out there again.

While some people seem to enjoy spreading their toxic attitudes around to anyone who would listen, you often get back what you put out into the world. Some of us would rather find our bearings a bit before we venture out into the world. I know for me, when I felt weak, insecure, hurt, bitter or angry, when I tried to go out, sometimes I made myself vulnerable and found myself being taken advantage of or having knee-jerk reactions which led to sometimes making poor decisions. Sometimes those who choose to stay in their emotional caves are either simply afraid of being hurt, or afraid of hurting someone else. But other times we may simply retreat into our caves because we never had the chance to, because we were always too busy caring for someone else. Sometimes it isn’t hiding or avoidance, it’s just a chance to take time for ourselves, and sometimes its long overdue. For others, we may keep ourselves busy and distracted, avoiding the feelings we are destined to feel and experience. I know for awhile, I was hurting too much to allow myself to feel, and it was just easier to concentrate on everyone else, rather than my own problems.  

We do not all recover at the same pace. Some call this denial, but for me it was a necessary distraction at the time for self-preservation until I could get strong enough to face my issues and move ahead. Sometimes we all just need time to deal with things in our own individual way. There is no right or wrong, and there is no 12-step program for recovering from a relationship. Sometimes we just need to be allowed to move at our own pace.  So as long as we are moving forward, step by step, we will get where we need to go. No matter where you are in your recovery, whether you are inside or outside of your cave, do what is best for you and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually you will find yourself outside again with the sun on your face and the hope of a new day on the horizon.  Just as sure as the sun sets, every new day is a new chance for the sun, and for you to rise again...

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