No More Mr. Nice Guy (Guest Blogger)

It's so much fun reading the messages I get from all of you. I especially enjoy it when I receive something from the men because it lets me know that I'm not in this by myself. Guest starring today after submitting his view to relationshiplessons2013@gmail.com is Sean from Chicago. Remember, keep sending me your take on your relationship experiences, good or bad, and you too can take the stage right here every Tuesday.

 

First I want to thank you for considering my submission. I've liked what you've said so far, and I hope you keep it up. I’m writing this so the ladies can get a glimpse at what guys have to navigate as they try to be the “nice guys” that most women say they want. I sometimes think the signals get really mixed up and it leaves a lot of men and women hurt and frustrated. It's full disclosure time: I am a recovering “Nice Guy”. You know the type, the guy who is always wondering why he can’t get the date even though he’s nice and nearly every woman he’s ever met says she wants a nice guy. The guy that every girl who is going out with a jerk used to come to for advice and support. Yeah, that was me. See, when guys are growing up we’re taught a few things about you that aren’t true. We’re taught not to tease you, to be gentle because you’re delicate, and recently, that men are by nature monsters and need to become more feminine in order to be good. I totally bought in to all of this. I was the nicest boy you could find. And all the girls said they wanted a nice boy. I thought I had it made. Except every girl I ever liked (you know, really REALLY liked) only thought of me as a friend. They were always interested in the bad boy who treated them badly, and it was completely frustrating.

I speak for a lot of guys when I share this experience. We do everything we’re told to do and we get no love. Or if we did get love, we’d lose you to a nut job who had a trail of broken hearts a mile long. We, the ones who breathed every breath for you, would lose you to a guy who was just putting notches on his belt. It hurts. Then a lot of guys, myself included, decided that if we couldn’t beat them, we’d join them. So we got mean too. But Instead of being mean in a self-centered, inconsiderate way, like most jerks, we were out for revenge. I’ve seen guys say some really terrible things to women in order to get noticed. I’ve probably said a few things that were pretty nasty too. What I didn’t realize at the time was that women don’t love jerks because they’re jerks. They love them because they’re confident and do what they want. Women don’t like “nice guys” because they’re push-overs.

I started getting this when I started loving who I was. As soon as I started doing that I became very confident, and suddenly I could talk to and attract women. I was no longer the “nice guy” who put women on a pedestal and treated them with kid gloves. Instead, I was the “good guy” who treated women with respect and like an actual human being. I started playfully teasing women, I wasn’t “gentle” in my dealings with them and I completely embraced my manliness. I went back on everything I’d been taught about girls and women. Only when I loved myself could I be the “Nice Guy” that women were looking for. Except I wasn’t nice. I was good, and hopefully I’m still good, but I’m not nice. I don’t get pushed around and I’ll work hard to get my way, but I’m respectful and kind while doing it. I want women to read this because there are a lot of women with jerks who would be infinitely happier with a "good guy", and a lot of guys if they were "good guys" would be with one of you fine women. But guys are given a bad deal at the beginning. We’re given lessons on how to distrust ourselves in order to make women happy. That’s good for no one.

I know that women get a lot of the same messages but in different forms too. You’re never thin enough or pretty enough or have big enough breasts. Then you snatch up the first guy (probably a jerk because most of the potential good guys are still "nice") who decides to act in a manly way around you because he makes you feel like you’re a good enough woman. When you really love yourself, you’ll start attracting good guys instead of jerks because you just won’t put up with the garbage that the jerk is pushing on you. But that’s a different blog post for a different day. For now, I just wanted to give you a glimpse at how “nice guys” have to grow into “good guys” in order to enjoy your lovely company. There are a lot of good guys out there who are exactly what you want. They just need to re-learn a few things.

Ladies and gentlemen, the very well written male point of view...

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