Men Are Not Mindreaders

There are articles on top of articles, and books on top of books telling women what they should or shouldn’t do in relationships. I know you ladies are tired of it too, and I hear and see your complaints. There is this overall sense that men aren’t urged to hold themselves accountable for their actions, and I do understand and somewhat agree with that sentiment. But after all the finger-pointing is over, there still lies a disconnect. So what can we do about that?

Contrary to what some ladies may have been told, men are not mind readers, no matter how much you may want us to be. Should we know certain things? Sure, but ultimately for any change to happen we have to know a problem exists. I have lady friends complain to me about men all the time, and I never fail to ask them, “Did you tell him what he said wrong? Did you tell him how he made you feel when he did that to you? Did you tell him not to address you as ‘Ma’ because he’s not your son? Did you tell him to open your door for you because you only date guys who exhibit chivalry?” I’m not suggesting that men should not already come to you pre-packaged with common sense, but common sense unfortunately, isn’t so common anymore. So before you dismiss the man, take time to consider the factors that may have contributed to his behavior. He may have never seen a successful healthy relationship up close and personal. His influences may only be Hip-Hop Music, reality shows and misogynistic movies. He may have also come across women in his past with low self-esteem and/or lack of patience to correct him on his behavior as it pertains to his interaction with women.

This in no way is a cop-out for him, but it is a likely possibility. In order to move forward in a more beneficial direction for women (collectively), two things must happen: 

1. Men must be willing to make the necessary changes and educate themselves on a more tasteful way to interact with their female counterparts. 

2. Women must embrace the power they have to educate him on how disrespectful it is when he calls you pet names on the first encounter, or how insensitive he comes off when he fails to hear your point of view on a disagreement.

He may not be as receptive if you’re saying these things boisterously, but tap into your innate nurturing side and correct that man with love. This is one step towards a giant leap for the betterment of male-female interaction, even if he has already ruined his chances with you, maybe he’ll approach the next woman with a bit more sense.

Quick note for the Gentlemen: She’s not your mother, so don’t call her ma. Ask her what her name is, then use it until further notice. She knows she’s beautiful, you’ve mentioned it two times within your first two sentences. She’s much more than what you see on the exterior, so get to know her. There’s nothing wrong with stroking egos — and speaking of egos, tone yours down. Every woman is not for you, so don’t act like a petulant spoiled brat when she respectfully declines your advances. Take it in stride, wish her a wonderful day and keep it moving. Listen and resolve the tension. 

The power is within us, let’s end the disconnect. Class is dismissed for today!

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