Recently, I was a part of a discussion that centered on what people
wanted as well as what people were willing to accept and give. It was
based upon the notion that not everyone really knows what they want, but those who actually do know are sometimes jaded due to past
experiences in which they came out the lesser. It was a very telling
conversation, and indeed one that I learned just as much as the next
person.
While taking part in this discussion, the one glaring thing that
continued to come up was how much a person had put into previous
relationships...only to see them fail. So from that, I began to wonder
just how many of us know what the Return on Investment (ROI) is for our
relationships.
In Corporate America, a return on investment basically happens when
someone invests money, resources, time, energy, talent, etc. into something with the
anticipation that by investing in it, a greater profit will come to the
investor. If there is no real profitable return on the investment,
usually corporations do not make the commitment. Just imagine how simple
that sounds. In our personal lives, things are never as simple
as they are in our professional lives, but let’s discuss this ROI.
If you KNEW before you got into a relationship with someone that the
potential return on your investment would be very low, and there was not a great deal of profit to
come from it, would you STILL make the commitment? I asked people on the Relationship Lessons Facebook page this question a few days ago, and I am sure that many of
you right now are saying no, but the truth is some of you are saying yes. There
is no right or wrong answer to the question, but I'm simply giving you
something to think about. In this world there are two types
of people: takers and givers. I confess to being a giver for the
majority of my adult life, and then masking it by saying I spoil people. Of course I spoil people, who wouldn't want someone else taking care
of everything and paying for most things? The problem is when we
continue to give, someone else is continuing to take, and their desires
to take become larger and more unrealistic. For example, it's quite
okay for me to take you out to eat at a nice restaurant regularly, but
if you cannot take me out to a nice restaurant occasionally, then the
entire equation is off (Side note #1: let the record show that I said occasionally). Here is another example: If on your birthday I
am buying you a $200 gift because that is what you wanted, I should be
able to request a $200 gift because that is what I wanted (Side note #2: I understand that even in writing this, what you request and what you expect are two very different things). Double
standards have no place in a return on investment situation.
Here is the deal, if you keep giving and giving while someone else
keeps taking and taking, at some point you will have nothing else to
give, but they are still going to be asking for more. So stop feeding the
monster now because at some point, that cub is going to become a full
grown lion and you will not be able to keep it in your backyard.
A good rule of thumb is this; if you are not feeling fulfilled, and
you are not feeling appreciated based upon the effort you make and the
effort made towards you, then you are probably getting a very low return on your investment.
At that moment you need to re-evaluate whether you want to stay put, or
move on. I can't tell you which way to go, but what I can tell you
is that sometimes you are going to have to risk something in order to get a bigger
reward. What you risk, is solely your decision...
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