There is nothing in life that will make you stronger or screw you up more
than being broken. I've been broken by someone in my life before, and
it was more than enough. Falling in love with someone isn’t only falling in love with an incredible
person that you find to be one of the best people in the world; it’s also
falling in love with the person you've become when you’re with the one you love. Sometimes the person we love makes us want to be a person who isn’t
especially great. But when your love does make you want to be a better person,
what the two of you share has a real shot at lasting the test of time. Yet, there’s still more to it than just that. Falling in love is also
falling in love with what you believe to be your future. Most often, losing
this is what hurts the most.
When you lose the love of your life, you lose the piece of yourself that holds you together. You lose the piece of you that makes you the
good person you’ve become; you lose the piece of you that allows you to be you.
So when your heart gets broken, you in a sense, break too.
As there are different depths to love, I believe there are also different depths
to heartbreak. It only makes sense that the shallowest of loves leaves the
shallowest of cracks, while the deepest of loves causes our hearts to undergo a
sort of shattering. The heartbreak I’m speaking of in particular is of the deepest kind that only really happens once in a lifetime. I say only once in a lifetime because once we experience such heartbreak, we
are never again the same. We become different people, scarred and
nerve-damaged. We begin to look at life and love through a different shade of
glass. We will never have our hearts broken in exactly the same manner, as we have
lost the innocence of our younger days that allowed for such vulnerability in the first place.
When you completely give your heart over to someone and
the relationship doesn’t work out, you lose that heart. It doesn’t matter if
things didn’t work out because of them, or because you screwed things up. It
doesn’t even matter if there is no one to blame. If you were certain that you would spend your lives together and have to
face the reality that the future you have been looking forward to for so long
has just been taken away from you, it’s going to hurt, and it's going to hurt a lot!
Sad to say, it’s not a pain that goes away quickly. It takes time to heal,
and you will most definitely need some healing. More importantly, you’re going
to need some fixing. Someone is going to need to take the pieces of you lying
sprawled out across the ground, and put you back together. The question is who? Who is it that can love a broken person? The answer is simple. Only one of three people in the world can love you when
you’re dealing with the aftermath of being broken: either someone new who has
yet to break your heart, the someone who did break your heart, or the
one who has been broken themselves.
Each one of those three options has its benefits, but also has its tradeoffs too.
Finding someone new to love is usually our go-to emotion. Most people very strongly
believe that finding a new love to take the place of the old one is the best
way to go, and for a good reason: because it works! If you fall in love with someone new, the pain from the old love goes away,
at least for the time being. The problems with this is obvious. Finding
someone new to love only works for as long as the love stays alive. As soon as the love fades or the relationship fails, that heartbreak
you buried way back when will likely resurface itself. The only reason it wouldn’t
resurface would be if you were dealing with the pain from that heartbreak. New
love trumps old love just as new heartbreak trumps old heartbreak.
Then we have the second option of getting back together with the person who
broke you in the first place. I feel like I need to put some sort of disclaimer
here: Although it is possible for your old love to fix you, mend your heart and make you happier than you ever thought imaginable, its 100 percent possible; but
at the same time it’s highly unlikely. The person who broke you will almost never be the person who will fix
you. Things always have a reason for not working out. Even if the reason is
poor timing or lack of maturity, you are still carrying around a whole lot of
baggage from the last time you two were together.
Once a relationship fails, it almost always fails every consecutive time.
When you break someone’s heart, you lose that person’s trust. If you are one of those people who doesn’t believe trust is the most important part of any relationship,
then you know absolutely nothing about relationships. Is trust re-gainable? I’m sure that it is, but depending on the circumstance, you may be able to get past all the broken
promises, all the painful memories, all the unpleasant emotions that arise
every so often almost out of the blue. In most cases unfortunately, the
friendship may be there, but the trust is gone for good.
Nothing is impossible, but going after the
incredibly unlikely isn’t always in our best interest. Sometimes you have to accept
that he or she will never again feel safe in your arms, and let him or
her go. It’s not always easy to move on. Sometimes it seems impossible to move from that, but you
need to believe you will find someone else to love when the time is right. Statistically speaking, it’s almost impossible for there not to be another
suitable match for you. Keep searching, be patient and you will find that
person one day. Until that day comes, work on fixing yourself. Love does as much damage as it does, because we allow ourselves to wallow in
that misery. We hone in on it and allow the painful thoughts and memories to
fill our minds and seep into all the nooks and crannies of our lives. We
wait to be fixed, and by doing so, we gradually become more and more broken.
You may be able to find someone to piece you back together, but there is
only one person in the world who is guaranteed to do the job right. Only
you can fix yourself the way you need to be fixed. Finding another lover can
help, but it isn’t necessary. Waiting to get back with that one
that got away is emotionally dangerous. Maybe you’ll get back together with the one who made you simultaneously
happier and more miserable than you have ever been in your life, but you can’t wait
for someone else to motivate you to get your life straight.
Remember, one of the main reasons we’re capable of loving another person as
much as we do, is how he or she makes us want to improve ourselves and
the lives we lead. Other people never really fix you, they only help you fix yourself. Be smart and fix yourself before you fall
in love again. The better the person you are, the more likely you're
able to find your happily ever after...
No comments:
Post a Comment