I'm Never Saying "Never"

These are my words, and I make no apologies. 

Stories we were told as children seem to teach us that in the end everything will have a happy ending, but as we live our lives we soon find out that isn’t really the case. We will love, we will hate, we will experience enjoyment, and then we will experience disappointment. Many of us will always search for something we can never find; the decision to acknowledge that everything you desire resides in you is a hard decision to accept. We force decisions, we force situations, and we end up disappointed because we have forced others into a situation that benefits us.

We will always have an eagerness to know. We hate uncertainty. We’re always looking for ways to categorize everything in our lives: people, places, things, events, situations and circumstances. We’re looking for ways to protect our feelings and our emotions. We’re searching for a way to circumvent life, which is inevitable. Life wasn’t made to be an absolutely happy experience. Life is beautiful, but it doesn’t mean that you will enjoy each phase you experience along the way.

Let’s get right down to it, I believe in happy endings but I hate closing chapters. I hate closing doors because I never know when the right time is to put down the pen. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m immature, but I just can’t do it. I can never say, “never” and I mean it. I don’t think all of us actually believe that to be true. Many of us think that you have to master delete the people from your past; I'm confusingly different, which means I don’t delete anything because I think the story isn’t over. I've come to learn there is only one story that ends and that’s life. For all intents and purposes what you should take away from this is that I don’t believe in endings. I believe that life is an ongoing experience that has much in store for all of us.

Let me be more specific. None of us are ever really over our past; it makes us who we are today. None of us are comfortable with uncertainty and not knowing where we stand in our relationships with the people we love or like; but that’s the way life works. You’re never going to have all the answers. What we have to understand is why we want to know the answers to the questions we have. The need for many things in a relationship is not about the relationship, but about what we desire as individuals. Honestly, we’re all just trying to find our place. Find our place in a place that accepts us for who we are. We struggle with understanding that the only place that will accept us is the place that we create for ourselves.

We have to stop asking for someone to define our circumstance. We have to stop trying to force the ending because we need to know where we stand, it’s just a defense mechanism that we created. The need to know needs to die. What we need is not the ending but to know that we are still in the race.

Maybe this makes no sense to you, then again maybe it does. I'll end this blog the way I started it. These are my words, and I make no apologies...

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