Today starts a new day for me as I begin the launch of RelationshipLessons.net. Everything you ever wanted to know about me, my vision and how to get in touch with me a lot faster is all right there on the website. I ask for your patience as I work some of the bugs out, but I'm super excited about what's new to come, and I thank all of you for helping me with my journey...
Have you ever been around a group of single women, and heard them talking
about the problems with men? In a morbid fashion, it’s kind of interesting to
hear the other side dish out the list of gripes against my gender, but it’s educational.
I’ve sat in on a few of these groups, and do you know what the most commonly
used line in some variation was? He
just doesn’t get it. It
applies to nearly any subject, and it can mean almost anything, but that’s the
overall feeling when it comes to the complaints I’ve heard concerning men in
relation to women. For years I dismissed this as a standard gripe. I’d be hanging around female
friends and that line would come up, especially from the single ones, talking
about guys trying to date them, or first dates gone bad. “Oh, he’s a nice
enough guy, but he just doesn’t get it.” I always wanted to ask, “What the hell
is ‘it’, anyway?” And how can a guy “get it”? Then I went to the relationship lab, and finally figured it out.
Ask a man what he’ll do to try and attract someone’s interest, and what would
be his most common response? “Take her somewhere fancy/expensive, get her
flowers, buy affectionate gifts, pay compliments, do favors, that kind of thing”.
The trouble with this mindset is, the main achievement of that action is
letting a woman know that YOU are interested, but not in piquing HER
interest. That’s a whole lot of what “he just doesn’t get it” means.
Let’s face it, no matter where you live; attractive available women are
constantly under siege by guys trying to get with them. And nearly all of them
will say the same thing about nearly all of the guys vying for their attention:
“He just doesn’t get it”.
And, wait for it…this is also why guys who are generally considered pompous arrogant
jerks will more often than not, get with these women. It’s not that
they are necessarily better looking, or more attractive, but it’s because of
how they go about it. Let’s work through an example:
You show up at your date’s door, rose in hand, suitably dressed, with an
agenda of a charming evening ahead. You make sure to point out that you like
what they’re wearing, tell them they look pretty, and ask her where she’d like
to eat. Maybe you’ve done some research beforehand, and you’re going to take
them to see a movie they want to see, or a band they like. Sounds like a solid
plan, yeah? What could go wrong? Everything. What you’ve just done is an extensive effort in letting her know
that you’re interested, but you haven’t done a single thing to give
them a path into being interested in you. If you keep this pattern up, you’re
paving your way into the ever controversial and non escaping “friend zone”.
So how do you avoid this? You can’t make a woman
like you, any more than you can make the rain fall when and where you
want. But you can make the ground ready, plant the seeds, and set the best
chance for success. Those guys I talked about before, the pompous arrogant
jerks who always seem to get the girl? You want to know what they had going for
them? They kept it about them.
How does any good mystery or thriller begin? There’s a shock, or something out
of the ordinary. It grabs your attention and you don’t know what to think, but
you are curious. You want to see where this is going, but they won’t
tell you everything in the beginning. The mystery/thriller keeps the pieces coming
at you slowly. Just when you begin to put them together, the whole dynamic will
change again leaving you wondering. The really great mystery/thrillers keep the
revelations coming until the very end.
Now think about dating in the same way. Fellas, you’ve got to use some intrigue. Your approach can’t just be about them and you acting on her cues. Take some
initiative, spread some mystery, talk about yourself but don’t let them know everything
on the first date. You don’t sell a book by telling customers how it ends. Give
them some room and let them know there’s more to be found out about you. Women
like pursuit, but they also like discovering things and figuring other people out. How many
dates have you done that for? It goes both ways. Keep it interactive. Be the
cat and the mouse. Make it about both of you, and it will pay off in
the long run.
One of the biggest problems most guys have in the single life is thinking
that the situation is eventually going to change. Women are eventually going to
be attracted to the good guys and those pompous arrogant jerks will fade into
the background, with nothing but their memories and paychecks to keep them company.
Others give up, and some sadly decide to try and become the very ones they hate
in an effort to “get it”. You don’t need to be pompous, arrogant or a jerk.
You can be a good guy and still get the girl, and it
all starts with knowing how to get it started…
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