In my experience, people don’t just get one rebound. In fact, the last 10 years
of my life were basically filled with rebounds. Rebounds and “friends with benefits.”
I’m not going to lie, it was a fun few years. The problem with rebounds is they
aren’t meant to last. They’re meant to keep you occupied for a while, but then
you’re meant to part ways and to live separate lives. Rebounds can be both
helpful and harmful, depending on the mindset with which one enters such an
arrangement. The goal, as far as I understand it, is to eventually find a
partner to spend your life with. Rebounds are really only band-aids, helping
you cope with the pain of your last breakup. They’re meant to fail. Their value
lies entirely in their function as a distraction from reality; they’re meant to
help you forget that you still have a broken heart.
The issue is that your heart will remain broken because rebounds aren’t
meant to put you back together; they’re simply meant to hold you in place so
that you don’t fall apart. Sooner or later, you’re going to arrive at the
conclusion that this sort of relationship just isn’t enough. You’re going to
need more, and hence we arrive at the issue and the topic of this blog:
It’s sometimes difficult to tell whether the person you are dating is just
another rebound or whether he or she’s the real thing. You have to
understand that, even when you want to start dating someone seriously, there’s
always a chance it will end up being nothing more than a rebound relationship. Personally,
I didn’t plan on filling a decade of my life with rebounds. I went into each
potential relationship with the hopes of it becoming something serious. Unfortunately,
it never worked out. They all just ended being rebounds, ways of forgetting if
only for a few hours about the one that got away. There are a few distinct
characteristics that are required for the real thing to be the real thing, and
not just another rebound. Here are a few markers to look out for:
Rebounds make you happier while they’re around; the real thing has a
lasting effect. Rebounds are great because they cheer you up. You’re still working on
getting over your last relationship and need that bit of extra support. It’s
nothing to be ashamed of. What good are human beings if we can’t support one
another when we need it? Sure, support in this case mostly involves sex and not
tuning into your emotions, but it does help. And to be honest, it’s usually a
good deal for both parties involved. The issue is that as soon as you part
ways, you lose that distraction and your mind will likely wander back to your
ex. It may not even hurt quite as badly, because you just got laid, but if you
were to break things off with the rebound, you wouldn’t miss him or her, you’d
miss your ex instead. When it’s the real thing you know it’s the real things
because that person makes you happy from the moment you wake up until the
moment you get to bed. Real loves make you happy and whenever they’re not
around, and you’d genuinely miss them.
Rebounds may care about you, but you will only care about the real thing. This is the darker side of the rebound/friend-with-benefits/booty-call
world. Someone usually ends up falling for the other. In my experience it’s
usually the woman, and it’s not something to be ashamed of at all (if anything
it ought to be applauded) but it can often also be the man. Just because
someone is your rebound doesn’t mean that you’re a rebound to that someone. You
may be, but it isn’t necessarily the case. I feel like eventually things fall
apart in these situations precisely because one person begins to ask for and
expect more from the relationship. This is sort of the moment of truth. If
someone asks you for more, and you want to give it to him or her, then
it might be the real thing. If however you can’t do it, if you know you
don’t care enough about the relationship to give it a real shot, then you need
to break things off. Otherwise, it’ll get very messy very quickly.
Rebounds are about feeling loved; the real thing is about wanting to love. Every relationship is a rebound of sorts if it doesn’t end in love. You’re
either distracting yourself from the pain left from a previous relationship, or
distracting yourself from the pain that often is everyday life. The only reason
you ought to ever be in a relationship with someone is if you think there is a
possibility of the two of you falling for each other. There is no other
respectable reason. Rebounds are only meant to be kept until we’re certain they
aren’t the real thing. You don’t always know that someone is great for you
right from the start. It sometimes takes time, which is understandable, however
as soon as you realize that he or she’s just a rebound, cut things off. There’s
no reason to lead anyone on, and there’s even less of a reason to distract
yourself from your reality indefinitely.
Eventually, the distractions will cease and you’ll be forced
to face that reality. Better to do so earlier than later. It minimizes the
chances of your reality warping into something real ugly...
1 comment:
I guess a successful marriage is the one wherein the couples have a right understanding of emotions and feelings for each other. Obviously, fights and arguments are inevitable but counseling always helps in that case.
Marriage Counseling Naples
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